(no subject)

[boynamederock]

tired of being lame and self-deprecating.
no one is listening or gives a shit.
so its time to get off my emo ass and do something
positive. make stuff, this is a time in one's life when
they are doing something worth while and amazing.
and i am just wallowing in my grief of missing a woman
who loves me and i will get to see sooner than i think.
i cant explain why i do this to myself. torture myself,
its sad i can not spend time by myself for too long.
my mind wanders through many terrible corridors
when i am in idle mode. i guess i am not happy
where i am right now in my life. i just started a job
where i am not sure if this is really the best fit
for me and my future growth as a designer.
i am lonely and miss the one person i want to
be around every day. the city feels stagnant,
yet i dont know how i can move or when i should
or how i should go about it. i am too anxious and
want to be successful and "living the dream" of
working for myself, changing the visual landscape
for the better. ugh, i need to be patient.