Do You Want To Change Your Future?
It's my birthday today. I've been using it as an all-purpose excuse, like a toddler would. My friends took me out for the best sushi on the east coast, Oishii. God almighty.
I bet you're wondering my "baby statistics," with it being my birthday and all. Hold onto your eyes, kids. Confirmed via telephone, I weighed in a stunning baby-giant weight of 10 pounds, 6.5 ounces. I've gained roughly 150 more pounds from 19 years of food put inside of me. I mean, when it comes down to it, you are what you eat. If you eat doritos all your life, you're going to have to live with the fact that your body is inadvertently comprised of dorito nutrients. You are made of cheese triangles. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better.
So, you hear about heavy babies all the time. You've probably seen pictures of really heavy babies. But understand this. I was 23.5 inches long. That's almost 2 feet. How could I have been such a long baby? The most shocking revelation is that I've only grown 4 feet in my life. I've only tripled in size. I have a sneaking suspicion that the average baby has a higher multiplier than me.
Someday I'll tell you of school and sitars and segways. Of cabbages and kings.
Dudemansweet. I'm inward smiling. My heart can still beat! I can feel the air pressure surrounding every small hair on my neck. In a good way. Wait, it's my birthday
I bet you're wondering my "baby statistics," with it being my birthday and all. Hold onto your eyes, kids. Confirmed via telephone, I weighed in a stunning baby-giant weight of 10 pounds, 6.5 ounces. I've gained roughly 150 more pounds from 19 years of food put inside of me. I mean, when it comes down to it, you are what you eat. If you eat doritos all your life, you're going to have to live with the fact that your body is inadvertently comprised of dorito nutrients. You are made of cheese triangles. The sooner you come to terms with this, the better.
So, you hear about heavy babies all the time. You've probably seen pictures of really heavy babies. But understand this. I was 23.5 inches long. That's almost 2 feet. How could I have been such a long baby? The most shocking revelation is that I've only grown 4 feet in my life. I've only tripled in size. I have a sneaking suspicion that the average baby has a higher multiplier than me.
Someday I'll tell you of school and sitars and segways. Of cabbages and kings.
Dudemansweet. I'm inward smiling. My heart can still beat! I can feel the air pressure surrounding every small hair on my neck. In a good way. Wait, it's my birthday