I remember...
I said to you once that I loved you, but that didn’t mean that I liked you. It’s true. I love you but at the same time, I know that if it was possible I’d change almost everything about you. I still don’t understand how I can love you, but I don’t think I could get by if I didn’t. If you weren’t in my life at all.
Once I told you that sometimes I dream that you are different. That you’re the way I always imagined my true love would be. I said it to hurt you. But then you said the same thing back and I felt bile rising in my throat. That was the first and only time I hit you. It took me months to wipe the fear off your face.
You kiss me and whisper wordless sentences into my ears and I murmur in reply, and I wonder if you like me, or you just love me, and which one is more important. I sit and think about what I’d change about you, and then one day you looked at me and it was like you knew what I was thinking. You closed your book and left the room and I didn’t see you for days. That was the day I promised myself I would stop dreaming.
It is one of the few promises I have made that I haven’t kept. I still dream. Some of the things are trivial, some are so important I feel as though I can’t hold it all in. But when I think of you I try to remember that I love you, and that for now it has to be enough.
Once I told you that sometimes I dream that you are different. That you’re the way I always imagined my true love would be. I said it to hurt you. But then you said the same thing back and I felt bile rising in my throat. That was the first and only time I hit you. It took me months to wipe the fear off your face.
You kiss me and whisper wordless sentences into my ears and I murmur in reply, and I wonder if you like me, or you just love me, and which one is more important. I sit and think about what I’d change about you, and then one day you looked at me and it was like you knew what I was thinking. You closed your book and left the room and I didn’t see you for days. That was the day I promised myself I would stop dreaming.
It is one of the few promises I have made that I haven’t kept. I still dream. Some of the things are trivial, some are so important I feel as though I can’t hold it all in. But when I think of you I try to remember that I love you, and that for now it has to be enough.