He doesnt love me.

[boyloveboy]

♥ I think he's sick of me.
♥ Tired of dealing with me.
♥ And I can't blame him.
♥ I'm really horrible.
♥ I even lower myself to this level of letting him know that he can easily make me cry.
♥ And he does.
♥ I say the weakest, stupidest things to him, just in hopes that he might care a little.
♥ But he just brushes them off with a simple word or phrase that just tears me down.
♥ I joke with him about crying and cutting, like I'm not serious.
♥ But so sadly, I am.
♥ I feel like I'm in a continuous emotional car crash, and I can't stop crashing.
♥ I just am so easily affected by him.
♥ I want nothing more than to stop.
♥ But I've already started, so I can't.
♥ I feel like I get caught in these horrible crazes when I like someone.
♥ I just feel awful that …. has to be the victim.
♥ The crazy part is, I've never even met him.
♥ How can someone you don't even know, have such a profound effect on the way you feel?
♥ In a way, I hope that I hate him when I meet him.
♥ I don't want to feel like this any longer.
♥ But I know even when this ends, it'll start over with someone else.
♥ What is wrong with me?
♥ Why do I let myself inflict so much pain upon myself and another?
♥ I just want a moment of happiness, but I'm only good at bringing myself sadness.
♥ And why is it that the more I care, the less he does, and the less he cares, the more I do?
♥ I should ignore him for a while.
♥ I'm clearly coming across like a needy, whiney attention whore.
♥ And I don't want him to hate me.
♥ I think he likes him, or him, or maybe him.
♥ I wish I wasn't me, then everyone would love me.
♥ Or if I was me more.
♥ I hate myself.
♥ But I love his self.