singleness
So its finally hit. We broke up last Spring but still hang out as friends everyday. It was this week though that the loneliness finally hit. I got so good at this before and I feel confident I can do it again. There is just such a solid emptiness in my cave of a bedroom. I do miss the hope of anything crazy happening at any time. Living in Gainesville I had access to an army of support. I could go skate downtown and always run into somebody I knew. I could host large parties if I needed to be social. I will not have these tools this time. Its actually pretty terrifying, like free fall into loneliness. It doesn't help that we are in the midst of a global pandemic that has the world shut down. Overall though I'm still super fucking grateful for this life. I've already achieved more than I ever thought I would. I'm a program director of a residential center now. I'm a licensed therapist. I need Spring to bring rebirth. In the late nights it feels like I'm in the twilight of my life. I know this isn't true, probably just over halfway to my final rest. I could literally do anything. I think I want to invite more joy into my life instead of constant escapism. I'll probalby be using this again more often as a way to help keep me sane.