(no subject)
If one thing bugs me, it's when people whine and complain about their situations non-stop and do nothing to change them. What's really bugging me now though is that I am so totally one of those people. I mean seriously, how long have I been commuting back and forth, talking weekly about how sad I get when it's time to leave Van? A good two years now- actually, no- it's been longer than that. I've been (and still am) so serious about finding a way to at the very least be home (in Vancouver, not on the Island) at least three quarters of the time, rather than half.
Every week, the day before I leave, I whine about it. Mostly, I'm a ridiculously solid sleeper, able to sleep in, contently attached to the coziness. The nights before I leave, however, I'm often unsuccessful at over-riding the irrational gloomy feeling of knowing that I'm going again. I wake up every 45 minutes or so and have uneasy dreams in between. I often don't give my clock a chance to let the alarm go off because I'm up before it. Then I get into this silly oh-woe-is-me mood. I really owe huge thanks to M-G, being the non-morning person that she is, yet still able to give me such coherent pep talks at 5 am. I've gotta say, that gets me touched.
Today this lady came to see me and offered me a grooming job at this new place she's opening. This is like the third time someone's randomly offered me work here. Once someone even offered to hand their business over to me when they retired. I always just respond that I've got it so good in the situation I'm in that it wouldn't make sense for me to change that. Technically that's true but whenever this happens I kind of feel like I'm lying about how content I am with my work life.
I hate the fact that I'm complaining about this, being that I'm as fortunate as I am. I'm embarrassed to be whining when I'm lucky enough to be my own boss and only work three and a half days a week while still managing to support myself. I'm lucky enough to have chosen a job where there always seems to be work available- for every job I've ever taken grooming, I've been hired on the spot. And I get to work with dogs rather than people- another huge perk.
I sound so spoiled.
All this time, I've said that money (or lack thereof) is what's holding me back, because if I had money I could get going in Vancouver and be set. Sure, money is the primary dilemma and while I'm not saying I entirely dislike grooming or that I don't want to do it anymore, I'm sometimes counting down the minutes until I'm done before I even start, then (while this is certainly not always the case) when I am done, I'm simply happy to be done and that's the extent of it. The other day, in between customers, I fixed my door (which, by the way, I brilliantly broke by slamming a broom in between the hinges- oops.). I felt so ridiculously satisfied to have fixed that damn door that I couldn't help but question if I'm doing the right thing.
Back to my opening paragraph though, I've really not done much to change things. I'm honestly so lost about what makes the most sense that I don't know what first step to take so instead, I stand still. It's unclear to me whether I'd be happy to simply be able to groom full time in Van without an interrupting weekly commute. Of course a big chunk of the unpleasantness of the Island is that everyone here knows me as something I totally don't identify as, but that's a whole other story that I figure goes without saying. I'm not sure how much of what keeps me here is the motherly guilt trip, or if I genuinely would be sad to give up my business, being that I've had it for four years now. I admit that this little business of mine does in a way feel like a part of my identity, but I don't know if it's something to hold on to at all, or not. You see, dudes.. I'm just lost about what the hell to do next. I'm even thinking of looking into courses involving something else to expand my horizons. I really, truly want to do something to actively improve things, I just don't know what.
Now THAT was a rant and a half! Pardon it's length. Other than this lingering problem though, things are are well. SWELL, even. It seems unfitting that I am able to rant so much, considering that overall, lately I'm happier than I can remember being in a long while. And hey, look at my new user pic! Its key word is "allergy". :)
Every week, the day before I leave, I whine about it. Mostly, I'm a ridiculously solid sleeper, able to sleep in, contently attached to the coziness. The nights before I leave, however, I'm often unsuccessful at over-riding the irrational gloomy feeling of knowing that I'm going again. I wake up every 45 minutes or so and have uneasy dreams in between. I often don't give my clock a chance to let the alarm go off because I'm up before it. Then I get into this silly oh-woe-is-me mood. I really owe huge thanks to M-G, being the non-morning person that she is, yet still able to give me such coherent pep talks at 5 am. I've gotta say, that gets me touched.
Today this lady came to see me and offered me a grooming job at this new place she's opening. This is like the third time someone's randomly offered me work here. Once someone even offered to hand their business over to me when they retired. I always just respond that I've got it so good in the situation I'm in that it wouldn't make sense for me to change that. Technically that's true but whenever this happens I kind of feel like I'm lying about how content I am with my work life.
I hate the fact that I'm complaining about this, being that I'm as fortunate as I am. I'm embarrassed to be whining when I'm lucky enough to be my own boss and only work three and a half days a week while still managing to support myself. I'm lucky enough to have chosen a job where there always seems to be work available- for every job I've ever taken grooming, I've been hired on the spot. And I get to work with dogs rather than people- another huge perk.
I sound so spoiled.
All this time, I've said that money (or lack thereof) is what's holding me back, because if I had money I could get going in Vancouver and be set. Sure, money is the primary dilemma and while I'm not saying I entirely dislike grooming or that I don't want to do it anymore, I'm sometimes counting down the minutes until I'm done before I even start, then (while this is certainly not always the case) when I am done, I'm simply happy to be done and that's the extent of it. The other day, in between customers, I fixed my door (which, by the way, I brilliantly broke by slamming a broom in between the hinges- oops.). I felt so ridiculously satisfied to have fixed that damn door that I couldn't help but question if I'm doing the right thing.
Back to my opening paragraph though, I've really not done much to change things. I'm honestly so lost about what makes the most sense that I don't know what first step to take so instead, I stand still. It's unclear to me whether I'd be happy to simply be able to groom full time in Van without an interrupting weekly commute. Of course a big chunk of the unpleasantness of the Island is that everyone here knows me as something I totally don't identify as, but that's a whole other story that I figure goes without saying. I'm not sure how much of what keeps me here is the motherly guilt trip, or if I genuinely would be sad to give up my business, being that I've had it for four years now. I admit that this little business of mine does in a way feel like a part of my identity, but I don't know if it's something to hold on to at all, or not. You see, dudes.. I'm just lost about what the hell to do next. I'm even thinking of looking into courses involving something else to expand my horizons. I really, truly want to do something to actively improve things, I just don't know what.
Now THAT was a rant and a half! Pardon it's length. Other than this lingering problem though, things are are well. SWELL, even. It seems unfitting that I am able to rant so much, considering that overall, lately I'm happier than I can remember being in a long while. And hey, look at my new user pic! Its key word is "allergy". :)