(no subject)
I have learned a variety of things this past school year. I have learned how to love, I have learned how to hate, I have learned how talk, I have learned how to pick and choose friends that will have a negative or positive impact on my life, I have learned how to fight, I have learned how to win. I figured out that you have to accept things that just aren't fair. For example, I have to accept that I have deep feelings for someone who is too scared to love yet claims he isn't. I have to accept that someone I have been friends with for eight years would come into my house and steal from me and then call me a heartless bitch just months after. I can't take things to the heart because thats when things hit hard.
I have made a promise to myself to not lie or exaggerate my stories at all to any extent anymore because I am sick of the dramas and the lies. Once you lie you have to keep up with that lie and then build up on it and it takes so much work. You just hate yourself in the end anyway. All of this coincidental drama is always around me, constantly filling the air I breathe around me. So and so ran away, so and so is going to rehab, so and so is a heavy drugs user, so and so is an alcoholic, so and so stole a car, so and so slept with so and so. It doesn't matter anymore. All the so and so's need to take a break, a nap, some ambien, anything.
Every summer there is a different OMG story including me and billy. Four summers ago it was "billy-chasing-danielle-around-calling-her-little-polly-prisy-pants". Three summers ago is was the shack...We fell in love, summer love. I was young but it was so real. Last summer it was a whole spiel about Billy cheating and playing ping-pong between me and Jamie Fischer. He stole money from me last year, he called me names, he broke into my pool, my hot tub, my life. This summer it is the "billy-wants-to-fuck-danielle-and-go-out-with-tara". He called me a cokehead cheap whore. He called me a cold hearted bitch. I didn't do one thing for him to say those things to me. I didn't do a single thing for him to have called my mom anonomously to say that her daughter was stealing money from her and she should check my wallet. I would never even imagine stooping that low especially to Billy. After everything he did. All the tormenting, the horrible-ness, the lies. I want to move on. I want to believe him. I want him to just stop the games and everything. Just stop. It hurts to much.
I am very sorry to Jamie Munch. My problems are no excuse to the way or the things I did to this boy. Well, actually my problems are an excuse, but I don't want them to be. I admit I lied on occassion and I did rash things out of my own feelings. I made things a big deal. Our fighting was never something to be proud of, but I realized he actually did care. He wasn't there when I called to go to the movies, but he was there when someone called to get him to save my life. He came, he saved, he helped, he cared. In the following weeks after that incident we didn't talk, then one day we finally hung out and he said sincerly "Now Danielle do you realize?" I said softly, "yes, i get it." and he replied, "Just as long as you know that I'm by your side when you need it." From this, it helped me to see who my actual friends are and that people really do care.
I always felt like a lot of people I'm associated with don't know that their actions thoroughly effect me because I take things in so deeply, but I realized not only was it that but also that I don't know that my own actions thoroughly effect the people around me and the people I love not just including my family. I get lost in lies and other peoples lies. Everyone lies. It hurts. Fuckers.
I saw like so many people today I haven't seen in a very long time that had been very much a part of my life at one point. Kyle, Eric, Jordan, Sam, Nick, Rebecca, Jem, Zac, and Matt It was awesome. None of them were together and they kept on popping up. It was quite the thriller. I love me some kyle, zac, and matt.
Wow. I just found out that this guy who I had slept with because he put stuff in my drink and I didn't know, was a VIRGIN. I took his virginity AND he apparently has a girlfriend. Why do guys use me? I'm not easy. Strike that. I'm not THAT easy. Mother fuckers.
I'm going to a fair. AU REVOIR.
I have made a promise to myself to not lie or exaggerate my stories at all to any extent anymore because I am sick of the dramas and the lies. Once you lie you have to keep up with that lie and then build up on it and it takes so much work. You just hate yourself in the end anyway. All of this coincidental drama is always around me, constantly filling the air I breathe around me. So and so ran away, so and so is going to rehab, so and so is a heavy drugs user, so and so is an alcoholic, so and so stole a car, so and so slept with so and so. It doesn't matter anymore. All the so and so's need to take a break, a nap, some ambien, anything.
Every summer there is a different OMG story including me and billy. Four summers ago it was "billy-chasing-danielle-around-calling-her-little-polly-prisy-pants". Three summers ago is was the shack...We fell in love, summer love. I was young but it was so real. Last summer it was a whole spiel about Billy cheating and playing ping-pong between me and Jamie Fischer. He stole money from me last year, he called me names, he broke into my pool, my hot tub, my life. This summer it is the "billy-wants-to-fuck-danielle-and-go-out-with-tara". He called me a cokehead cheap whore. He called me a cold hearted bitch. I didn't do one thing for him to say those things to me. I didn't do a single thing for him to have called my mom anonomously to say that her daughter was stealing money from her and she should check my wallet. I would never even imagine stooping that low especially to Billy. After everything he did. All the tormenting, the horrible-ness, the lies. I want to move on. I want to believe him. I want him to just stop the games and everything. Just stop. It hurts to much.
I am very sorry to Jamie Munch. My problems are no excuse to the way or the things I did to this boy. Well, actually my problems are an excuse, but I don't want them to be. I admit I lied on occassion and I did rash things out of my own feelings. I made things a big deal. Our fighting was never something to be proud of, but I realized he actually did care. He wasn't there when I called to go to the movies, but he was there when someone called to get him to save my life. He came, he saved, he helped, he cared. In the following weeks after that incident we didn't talk, then one day we finally hung out and he said sincerly "Now Danielle do you realize?" I said softly, "yes, i get it." and he replied, "Just as long as you know that I'm by your side when you need it." From this, it helped me to see who my actual friends are and that people really do care.
I always felt like a lot of people I'm associated with don't know that their actions thoroughly effect me because I take things in so deeply, but I realized not only was it that but also that I don't know that my own actions thoroughly effect the people around me and the people I love not just including my family. I get lost in lies and other peoples lies. Everyone lies. It hurts. Fuckers.
I saw like so many people today I haven't seen in a very long time that had been very much a part of my life at one point. Kyle, Eric, Jordan, Sam, Nick, Rebecca, Jem, Zac, and Matt It was awesome. None of them were together and they kept on popping up. It was quite the thriller. I love me some kyle, zac, and matt.
Wow. I just found out that this guy who I had slept with because he put stuff in my drink and I didn't know, was a VIRGIN. I took his virginity AND he apparently has a girlfriend. Why do guys use me? I'm not easy. Strike that. I'm not THAT easy. Mother fuckers.
I'm going to a fair. AU REVOIR.