The UMC is going to try and make love to you, so get ready, get ready!
The UMC tore up the Red Sea last night, this was the invitation to the show:
Dear UMC fans,
Two important notices:
1. The Ugly Man Contest has had to remove themselves
from the line-up for Sig Ep's WUStock benefit event
this Friday night due to the flapping of a butterfly's
wings in Brazil. But seriously, we're not going to be
able to play that show, so your only chance to see us
is at...
2. OUR VERY LAST SHOW!!! TONIGHT!
-Thursday, April 3rd (TONIGHT!), 10:00 p.m. @ the Red
Sea with 2FBM and the Super Argonauts
----------------------------------------------------
The final show of the UgLy mAn CoNtEsT reunion/Final
Fantasy 7 tour will be this Thursday (TONIGHT!), at
the Red Sea around, oh, ten p.m. or so, with our good
friends the Twice-a-day Beat-off Machines and the
Super Fartalots. As official members of the Fan Club,
you are not required to attend, but those showing up
earn bonus points towards sleeping with the band.
I will not be taking my clothes off this show; instead
there is a new gimmick: Neal is going to dress himself
in an ostrich outfit and eat a chunk of lard the size
of a tennis ball. We will also be having a raffle for
a box of chocolates.
The UMC will probably go on stage around 11:00 p.m.,
but the doors open at 9:30, and you should definitely
come early to celebrate civilization's oldest rite of
imbibing ethanol while listening to our friends Steve
and Chuck's own band 2FBM pretending to be musicians.
You may have seen Steve and Chuck at parties breaking
things.
As for the Super Barfinapots, they can eat a dick,
because I'm going to dig a hole and battle rap their
asses so far into it that they'll end up in China.
Boo-yah.
Since this is where the sidewalk ends for the UMC, I
would like to leave all of our fans with an
inspirational poem:
IF I HAD A BRONTOSAURUS
If I had a brontosaurus,
I would name him Horace or Morris.
But if suddenly one day he had
A lot of little Brontosauri-
I would change his name
To Laurie.
And I would also like to take this opportunity to
publicly thank Nick, Neal, Dan, and Adam for giving me
some of the most exciting times of my life while we've
been a band over the past two years. Nick, I will
never forget you. Dan, you will always be my little
goomba. Adam, you and I both really know what
happened to that toilet seat! And Neal, thanks for
everything. Thanks for showing me how to play guitar
with sex appeal. Thanks for sticking through it with
me while I had my appendectomy, thanks for jumping on
the grenade so many times for me, and for going to Six
Flags with me when no one else wanted to go, and for
promising to be a good father to my kids if I turn
into an alcoholic, and for making out with me last
weekend, and for comforting me when Mr. Rogers died,
and for showing me how to change a flat tire, and
thanks for the birthday gift, and the Christmas card,
and thanks for everything. You are a very good
drummer, and a fine young man. It's been a crazy,
roller-coaster ride, and it's going to get craaaazier
than ever tonight, and at this show, we're taking it
from "Crunk" all the way up to "Who would've
Thunk?"!!! Let's do this, guys! Let's show our fans
that we've still got it!
But really, this is the last show the UMC will ever
play, and we can only rent the ostrich outfit for one
night, so make sure you don't miss it. I know you
assholes don't have anything better to do on a
Thursday night.
Peace in the middle east,
Andrew and the UMC
Dear UMC fans,
Two important notices:
1. The Ugly Man Contest has had to remove themselves
from the line-up for Sig Ep's WUStock benefit event
this Friday night due to the flapping of a butterfly's
wings in Brazil. But seriously, we're not going to be
able to play that show, so your only chance to see us
is at...
2. OUR VERY LAST SHOW!!! TONIGHT!
-Thursday, April 3rd (TONIGHT!), 10:00 p.m. @ the Red
Sea with 2FBM and the Super Argonauts
----------------------------------------------------
The final show of the UgLy mAn CoNtEsT reunion/Final
Fantasy 7 tour will be this Thursday (TONIGHT!), at
the Red Sea around, oh, ten p.m. or so, with our good
friends the Twice-a-day Beat-off Machines and the
Super Fartalots. As official members of the Fan Club,
you are not required to attend, but those showing up
earn bonus points towards sleeping with the band.
I will not be taking my clothes off this show; instead
there is a new gimmick: Neal is going to dress himself
in an ostrich outfit and eat a chunk of lard the size
of a tennis ball. We will also be having a raffle for
a box of chocolates.
The UMC will probably go on stage around 11:00 p.m.,
but the doors open at 9:30, and you should definitely
come early to celebrate civilization's oldest rite of
imbibing ethanol while listening to our friends Steve
and Chuck's own band 2FBM pretending to be musicians.
You may have seen Steve and Chuck at parties breaking
things.
As for the Super Barfinapots, they can eat a dick,
because I'm going to dig a hole and battle rap their
asses so far into it that they'll end up in China.
Boo-yah.
Since this is where the sidewalk ends for the UMC, I
would like to leave all of our fans with an
inspirational poem:
IF I HAD A BRONTOSAURUS
If I had a brontosaurus,
I would name him Horace or Morris.
But if suddenly one day he had
A lot of little Brontosauri-
I would change his name
To Laurie.
And I would also like to take this opportunity to
publicly thank Nick, Neal, Dan, and Adam for giving me
some of the most exciting times of my life while we've
been a band over the past two years. Nick, I will
never forget you. Dan, you will always be my little
goomba. Adam, you and I both really know what
happened to that toilet seat! And Neal, thanks for
everything. Thanks for showing me how to play guitar
with sex appeal. Thanks for sticking through it with
me while I had my appendectomy, thanks for jumping on
the grenade so many times for me, and for going to Six
Flags with me when no one else wanted to go, and for
promising to be a good father to my kids if I turn
into an alcoholic, and for making out with me last
weekend, and for comforting me when Mr. Rogers died,
and for showing me how to change a flat tire, and
thanks for the birthday gift, and the Christmas card,
and thanks for everything. You are a very good
drummer, and a fine young man. It's been a crazy,
roller-coaster ride, and it's going to get craaaazier
than ever tonight, and at this show, we're taking it
from "Crunk" all the way up to "Who would've
Thunk?"!!! Let's do this, guys! Let's show our fans
that we've still got it!
But really, this is the last show the UMC will ever
play, and we can only rent the ostrich outfit for one
night, so make sure you don't miss it. I know you
assholes don't have anything better to do on a
Thursday night.
Peace in the middle east,
Andrew and the UMC