Love-Note-a-Day Project Day 11
Dear Self,
Hail the Traveler. She lived the life we expected her to live. We put her on that stage, we shined those lights in her face; when her personal demons came forth (her addictive personality I would say extended not just to drugs but people, and her wanting to 'fix' them as she fixed herself time and again) we laughed, ridiculed, and shone the lights even brighter on her. Because it made us feel "better" to be able to compare our own human failings against the stage we'd hoisted her onto. It's a shame that people will treat this as just another sad tale of addiction, and not want to see the part we all have in this; because we do, even if it's a small one. Every time I think about all the 'crack is whack' jokes I made, I realize that was another turning of the blade I'd put there, despite how much I enjoyed her music. And when she got clean and looked great, I rejoiced, but secretly waited for the axe to fall again. Because I needed to feel like SOMEONE's better; why not a celebrity, right? That's their job, innit? But even then, despite all that, I was of a split mind. One part prayed this was the end of it, and the other bet against that. Multiply that by the number of people in the world who were fans; all just as human, flawed, and imperfect, but also willing to speak to a popularity chart by the amount of $ they'd spend on an album, and I can only imagine how difficult it could have been(was) for her.
So yeah, in my own way, this is a love note. Because what I couldn't admit to telling you then (even if you'd never know it) was that I'm sorry that we made your loving us back so difficult. When you needed compassion, we laughed; when you needed us to just love, we didn't. Not until you gave us what we wanted, a song and dance number. And so you gave us what we thought we needed, and sadly, for some of us, it still wasn't enough.
Love,
L
Hail the Traveler. She lived the life we expected her to live. We put her on that stage, we shined those lights in her face; when her personal demons came forth (her addictive personality I would say extended not just to drugs but people, and her wanting to 'fix' them as she fixed herself time and again) we laughed, ridiculed, and shone the lights even brighter on her. Because it made us feel "better" to be able to compare our own human failings against the stage we'd hoisted her onto. It's a shame that people will treat this as just another sad tale of addiction, and not want to see the part we all have in this; because we do, even if it's a small one. Every time I think about all the 'crack is whack' jokes I made, I realize that was another turning of the blade I'd put there, despite how much I enjoyed her music. And when she got clean and looked great, I rejoiced, but secretly waited for the axe to fall again. Because I needed to feel like SOMEONE's better; why not a celebrity, right? That's their job, innit? But even then, despite all that, I was of a split mind. One part prayed this was the end of it, and the other bet against that. Multiply that by the number of people in the world who were fans; all just as human, flawed, and imperfect, but also willing to speak to a popularity chart by the amount of $ they'd spend on an album, and I can only imagine how difficult it could have been(was) for her.
So yeah, in my own way, this is a love note. Because what I couldn't admit to telling you then (even if you'd never know it) was that I'm sorry that we made your loving us back so difficult. When you needed compassion, we laughed; when you needed us to just love, we didn't. Not until you gave us what we wanted, a song and dance number. And so you gave us what we thought we needed, and sadly, for some of us, it still wasn't enough.
Love,
L