random thoughts
i woke up this morning and felt different. i dont know why. not different in a bad way. kinda like i just actually realized that things are different. things have been the same for almost 4 years. just routine. i did certain things. people knew me for those things. i had certain friends. people knew me for that. this year has changed so much. people tell u all the time that when u get in high school, u will find urself. that u will begin to realize what really honestly makes u happy. and u'll start to get a vague idea of who YOU are. if that makes sense. and well, thats true kinda. as much as i thought i knew myself..i was wrong. im not that person and i thought people saw me as. it became visible to me that telling myself im a good person and actually Being a good person are two totally different things. i also know that if people are mean and cruel to u..it doesnt solve anything to retaliate. i mean yea...ur parents always tell u that. but i really want to honestly work harder to apply that to my life. and its so true that the people who dont deserve love are the people who need it the most. im not gonna like go around trying to be everyones best friend, but there are a lot of things i could do to make myself more pleasant to be around. it always seems like there are so many more people that u hate than people who care about u. well thats not true. why do people do things to other people just for the amusement of seeing that other person get hurt? i'll admit it..i've done that. of course. im human. but i do regret it. and i would take it back if i could. i just think that if everyone put forth a sincere effort to be a better person...there wouldnt be half as much pain and hurt. but yea...u might think all of this was totally lame...and if u do...umm..i dont know what to say. if ur one of those people, u probly didnt like me very much to start with. so its kind of hopeless. but im gonna go talk to paigie for awhile. XoXo <3