(no subject)
You know that quote from Office Space... I'm not sure the exact thing, but here goes... "Every new day is the worst day of my life, so every time you see me it will be the worst day of my life." It's something like that... well that's how I feel.
Having first had everything I've ever believed in and held dear and everything moral (I guess that would be the right term) I've ever believed in just leave my mind... well it sucks...
It all started that night I smoked... one night, I think there have been like 5 days since then that I haven't smoked...
Next came drinking, I've been drunk probably twice now... which I guess isn't bad, but it's definitely wierd for me... anyhow....
Last comes me fucking... I never wanted to until I found someone very special, you know, like a soulmate... well seeing that I fucked Pam, I fucked that one up pretty good. So yea, that happens, she creeps me out, I end things... that's it right? Wrong.
Well, be basically go back to being complete cocksuckers to each other... just cause we don't know what else to do I guess.
So yea, tonight I go to work, hate it, get off, love it, don't feel like doing anything, end up doing something.... I meet friends at SnS and we go off to the House... we all drink whatever is left, which is very little... I get enough straight Rum to get pretty drunk. So yea, night winds down, people go to sleep, I go upstairs when the power and morning come around, jump into Nate's bed, joined later by Jackie, which was pretty nice.... it felt really good, almost like what I was searching for, but not quite, something was missing...
Later, Mike and Pam come up, listen to some music and later, I assume, since the talking stopped, started fooling around. Well, when this hit me I kinda just felt dead inside and out. Me and Pam are defintely over and nothing is going to happen again, but once my mind convinced myself of that I just wanted to run downstairs grab and knife and just start cutting away. It was such a horrible feeling.
Luckily, I left when Jackie and Becky left... and I got to come home to Mom and Dad yelling at me... Well kids, that's it, I quit, I don't give it a shit. I'm moving out as soon as possible... starting my own life without my parents shitty help and yea, it'll be great.
Also, I'm dying for someone to restore that love I once had. That passion, that flare. I feel like a dead shell of a person. Jackie, I really wish you'd come to your senses and realize how much I need you right now. There just isn't a point anymore, and I need you to get it back. Heh, I wish you could see me now I'm all teary eyed.... this is a horrible state for me.... It's been so long since this face has seen a tear.
At least I know I'm not completely dead.
Having first had everything I've ever believed in and held dear and everything moral (I guess that would be the right term) I've ever believed in just leave my mind... well it sucks...
It all started that night I smoked... one night, I think there have been like 5 days since then that I haven't smoked...
Next came drinking, I've been drunk probably twice now... which I guess isn't bad, but it's definitely wierd for me... anyhow....
Last comes me fucking... I never wanted to until I found someone very special, you know, like a soulmate... well seeing that I fucked Pam, I fucked that one up pretty good. So yea, that happens, she creeps me out, I end things... that's it right? Wrong.
Well, be basically go back to being complete cocksuckers to each other... just cause we don't know what else to do I guess.
So yea, tonight I go to work, hate it, get off, love it, don't feel like doing anything, end up doing something.... I meet friends at SnS and we go off to the House... we all drink whatever is left, which is very little... I get enough straight Rum to get pretty drunk. So yea, night winds down, people go to sleep, I go upstairs when the power and morning come around, jump into Nate's bed, joined later by Jackie, which was pretty nice.... it felt really good, almost like what I was searching for, but not quite, something was missing...
Later, Mike and Pam come up, listen to some music and later, I assume, since the talking stopped, started fooling around. Well, when this hit me I kinda just felt dead inside and out. Me and Pam are defintely over and nothing is going to happen again, but once my mind convinced myself of that I just wanted to run downstairs grab and knife and just start cutting away. It was such a horrible feeling.
Luckily, I left when Jackie and Becky left... and I got to come home to Mom and Dad yelling at me... Well kids, that's it, I quit, I don't give it a shit. I'm moving out as soon as possible... starting my own life without my parents shitty help and yea, it'll be great.
Also, I'm dying for someone to restore that love I once had. That passion, that flare. I feel like a dead shell of a person. Jackie, I really wish you'd come to your senses and realize how much I need you right now. There just isn't a point anymore, and I need you to get it back. Heh, I wish you could see me now I'm all teary eyed.... this is a horrible state for me.... It's been so long since this face has seen a tear.
At least I know I'm not completely dead.