Look to the past and remember a smile...
I am struggling with this feeling like I have this huge pressure that I HAVE to grow up. I filed my taxes a couple weeks ago and I had to file as an independent, I am moving away to Maine, I have to live with a boy, I plan on at some point marrying this kid; its just all of these things and I am having a hard time dealing with all of this. I don't plan on ever growing up. I want to play in the snow(if we you know had that here), watch cartoons, stay up late past my bedtime, eat ice cream for dinner (well if I ate sweets), be silly all the time and not care what people think (while of course still being cynical). Sadly I want to never have a job or a career, lol. Maybe I am too spoiled for my own good. The fact that I am going to have depend on someone is hard for me to grasp, seeing how it isn't my parents. Despite my anxiety and coming to grips with all of these things, I really do look forward to my new life. My parents accuse me of running away, of course I denied such accusations. But why not run away? You get a brand new start and besides it is always easier to run away. Haha.
So for those who actually know me, you guys know that I am emotionally retarded. So apparently when you talk about stuff, you feel much better. Like a huge weight has been lifted. I never knew that until last night. I have been holding all of these horrible experiences and grudges inside until I let them out. Of course this was all to Matt, which was weird because I haven't told anyone these things. Its good that I can tell him such things and no longer worry that the way he looks at me will change.
So does anyone else worry about that growing up part? The fact that by the time we graduate college we are supposed to have a family, a career, make a lot of money, a house , and unlimited happiness? That is one thing that it seems as though our school pushes.
A lot of my friends are leaving good ol' Agnes to either settle down with their significant others or to change schools in order to find that significant other. I have realized that people will do anything to find that certain somebody, whether its to move across the states or schools. I think that amazes me, I would have never thought while I was in high school that college changes you. Grnated you have no curfues, but I didn't even have those at home. I don't feel that I have changed that much, but rather the upcoming events that will more so effect my life.
So for those who actually know me, you guys know that I am emotionally retarded. So apparently when you talk about stuff, you feel much better. Like a huge weight has been lifted. I never knew that until last night. I have been holding all of these horrible experiences and grudges inside until I let them out. Of course this was all to Matt, which was weird because I haven't told anyone these things. Its good that I can tell him such things and no longer worry that the way he looks at me will change.
So does anyone else worry about that growing up part? The fact that by the time we graduate college we are supposed to have a family, a career, make a lot of money, a house , and unlimited happiness? That is one thing that it seems as though our school pushes.
A lot of my friends are leaving good ol' Agnes to either settle down with their significant others or to change schools in order to find that significant other. I have realized that people will do anything to find that certain somebody, whether its to move across the states or schools. I think that amazes me, I would have never thought while I was in high school that college changes you. Grnated you have no curfues, but I didn't even have those at home. I don't feel that I have changed that much, but rather the upcoming events that will more so effect my life.