(no subject)
I was thinking today about religion and why people believe what they believe and all of that stuff, and i began to wonder why it is I can't believe that. I've never really had any trouble understanding why I don't really believe in God and why I don't practice any religion, but what I have never been able to understand is why I was never able to believe what is so natural to other people.
I am a confirmed Catholic, I was baptised Catholic and raised as a Catholic, even attending Catholic schools on a couple different occaisions. Yet, despite all of that I never truly felt anything. They would tell us about how praying is like talking to God and how no matter what God is always there with you, but I never felt it, even as a little kid. I always felt like when I was praying that I was just talking to myself, either out loud or in my head, and never at any point have I felt God with me. I tried to feel it, I tried to believe that I was talking to God when I was praying, and that God was always there with me, but I never felt like it was true.
Over time it became something that I did because I felt I had to, and something I believed because I thought I needed to. However when I got confrimed one of the major aspects of the process was an examination into the Catholic faith so that we could understand not only what we believed but also why be believed it. As I went through this process it became clear to me that not only did I not believe in the Catholic ideologies, but I didn't believe in any of it. I went through and was confirmed despite all of this because I again felt that I needed to for family reasons. As soon as I was confirmed though I quit going to chruch or doing any of the things of that sort. I still consider myself to be a good, moral person, but it is not because of any belief I have in a higher power, it is just what makes sense to do, because if I refrain from doing things that infringe on other people (i.e. stealing, killing...) then I don't give them any reason to infringe on me.
I guess in the end my point is this: why is it that some people feel God so readily while to me it seems so fundamentally obvious that none of it is true? Am I seeing the truth about life that people use religion to hide from themselves? Or am I blind to what is out there? I truly don't believe that I am just not seeing God, because I looked as earnestly as a person can and I never found anything, but I am not so concieted as to say that I know the truth about the world and that everyone else is just hiding the truth from themselves in the form of a hollow comfort provided by the belief in God. I just want to understand why it is I can't see what other people see, or why they can't see what I see.
I am a confirmed Catholic, I was baptised Catholic and raised as a Catholic, even attending Catholic schools on a couple different occaisions. Yet, despite all of that I never truly felt anything. They would tell us about how praying is like talking to God and how no matter what God is always there with you, but I never felt it, even as a little kid. I always felt like when I was praying that I was just talking to myself, either out loud or in my head, and never at any point have I felt God with me. I tried to feel it, I tried to believe that I was talking to God when I was praying, and that God was always there with me, but I never felt like it was true.
Over time it became something that I did because I felt I had to, and something I believed because I thought I needed to. However when I got confrimed one of the major aspects of the process was an examination into the Catholic faith so that we could understand not only what we believed but also why be believed it. As I went through this process it became clear to me that not only did I not believe in the Catholic ideologies, but I didn't believe in any of it. I went through and was confirmed despite all of this because I again felt that I needed to for family reasons. As soon as I was confirmed though I quit going to chruch or doing any of the things of that sort. I still consider myself to be a good, moral person, but it is not because of any belief I have in a higher power, it is just what makes sense to do, because if I refrain from doing things that infringe on other people (i.e. stealing, killing...) then I don't give them any reason to infringe on me.
I guess in the end my point is this: why is it that some people feel God so readily while to me it seems so fundamentally obvious that none of it is true? Am I seeing the truth about life that people use religion to hide from themselves? Or am I blind to what is out there? I truly don't believe that I am just not seeing God, because I looked as earnestly as a person can and I never found anything, but I am not so concieted as to say that I know the truth about the world and that everyone else is just hiding the truth from themselves in the form of a hollow comfort provided by the belief in God. I just want to understand why it is I can't see what other people see, or why they can't see what I see.