(no subject)
I was reading through my old mail messages on myspace a yesterday, and I realized how much things have changed since last year. It made me very nostaglic, even though I'm not sure if I like now or then better.
Mainly what I realized is how many of the people that I was talking to or talking about I don't even talk to anymore. I never realized how quickly people come and go from my life. I asked Erin to prom, and now I can't even remember the last time that I talked to her. It's kind of sad in a way because I can't remember a specific thing that happened that made us stop talking; we just drifted apart over time.
Since last March through May (when most of the messages were from) my cirlce of friends has changed dramatically, I made Chambers, I had two official girlfriends and another sort of quasi girlfriend, and I applied at, was interviewed by, and not hired by Chipolte. I hardly even remembered some of these things until now. I had almost completely forgotten how proud I was when I applied at Chipotle on an application that was completely in Spainsh, or how embarrassed I was when Hannah turned me down for Prom, and all sorts of other things. Now I wonder, how important is anything I am doing right now? Those things were so important to me when they happened, and now, I practically have to be reminded that they happened. What will I remember from right now in six or eight months?
I am trying to decide how I feel about this. I guess it puts a little bit of perspective on things that might help me not let them get to me so much, but I think more than anything it just makes me sad. I don't like realizing when things don't really matter, especially when its things that I consider important. I am much happier living with the idea that what I am thinking and feeling matters now only to what will happen to me and how I will be, but also to other people. Alas, I don't think that it really does. Half the time I can barely get people's attention in a conversation, let alone impact them in some meaningful and lasting way.
So there were some random musings. I'm not sure any of this will make sense, but I don't care either, and I'm not going to read it to find out.
Mainly what I realized is how many of the people that I was talking to or talking about I don't even talk to anymore. I never realized how quickly people come and go from my life. I asked Erin to prom, and now I can't even remember the last time that I talked to her. It's kind of sad in a way because I can't remember a specific thing that happened that made us stop talking; we just drifted apart over time.
Since last March through May (when most of the messages were from) my cirlce of friends has changed dramatically, I made Chambers, I had two official girlfriends and another sort of quasi girlfriend, and I applied at, was interviewed by, and not hired by Chipolte. I hardly even remembered some of these things until now. I had almost completely forgotten how proud I was when I applied at Chipotle on an application that was completely in Spainsh, or how embarrassed I was when Hannah turned me down for Prom, and all sorts of other things. Now I wonder, how important is anything I am doing right now? Those things were so important to me when they happened, and now, I practically have to be reminded that they happened. What will I remember from right now in six or eight months?
I am trying to decide how I feel about this. I guess it puts a little bit of perspective on things that might help me not let them get to me so much, but I think more than anything it just makes me sad. I don't like realizing when things don't really matter, especially when its things that I consider important. I am much happier living with the idea that what I am thinking and feeling matters now only to what will happen to me and how I will be, but also to other people. Alas, I don't think that it really does. Half the time I can barely get people's attention in a conversation, let alone impact them in some meaningful and lasting way.
So there were some random musings. I'm not sure any of this will make sense, but I don't care either, and I'm not going to read it to find out.