"Tears are the Words the Heart can't Say"
So, I've been in a really emo mood the last couple of days. Whenever I get into a relationship with someone I get into these funks where I become incredibly self-conscious. Well, I've been in one of those funks since sometime Thursday night. My head starts thinking about all the bad things and magnifying them in my head and eventually I get paranoid and start thinking that everything is about to end. You would think that since I know it's all in my head I'd be able to just blow them off, but I can't. I think about them until they make me feel sick. I don't know what triggers these funks or even how I get out of them. I just know that when I'm in them, I'm miserable and I'm sure one day it will cause the end of the relationship I'm in at the given moment (which might even happen today). Last night was a really bad night for me. I'm sure the weather helped play a small part. Patrick and I haven't hung out since Thursday night at the Mardi Gras party... we usually hang out for at least 30 minutes everyday. It seems like whenever I call him these days, he doesn't answer and when I leave messages he doesn't call back. So those two things have been running through my head for the last couple of days and the longer I go without talking to him the worse it gets. We talked for all of 2 minutes yesterday so by the time I went to bed I was practically in tears. I just wanted to stop thinking about everything but I couldn't. Well, anywho I'm supposed to go talk to him today. It doesn't sound like it is going to be good... but then again i'm in a funk so it could once again all be in my head. I think once school starts back up again and I have stuff to keep me busy, I'll be fine. If we can just make it through this weekend, I think things will be ok. But anyway, whatever happens is meant to happen and in the end I will be ok with it. I'm going to get in the shower now so I can get up and out as soon as possible. I'll write another post later today or tomorrow about the eventful snowday we had here at WoCo yesterday. Hope everyone is staying safe and warm!