Fic: Back To The Start
Art Prompt Title: Prompt 16
Art link: Art Masterlist
Artist: chosenfire28
Fic Title: Back To The Start
Author:bowtiedarling
Rating:PG-13
Word Count: 5031
Warnings: None
Summary: Blaine decides to go back to where it all began.
Blaine
The vents from the tops of the lockers dug into his skin, and Blaine knew immediately that they would leave a mark as pain seared down his back. He closed his eyes and counted to three before he released the breath that had caught in his throat. He hadn’t been slammed into a locker since just after his performance on the school steps outside; he had thought that maybe the shoving at McKinley had stopped. Apparently he had thought wrong. He reached down for his brown leather bag that had slipped off of his shoulder and felt a sharp pain run up through his wrist. He slowly rotated it and winced as he walked down the hall toward his locker. The pain was familiar to him, and he knew he would have to wrap it soon.
He reached his number and quickly unlocked it, glancing at the photo in the bottom corner, like he always did, before he began to switch his books out. A loud noise rang through the almost empty halls and he turned to see Tina, Artie, Marley, Jake, and Brittany happily making their way outside. His eyes briefly met Tina’s before she focused her attention back to the group, and he turned back to his task at hand. A month ago he would have been with them, happy, joining in their conversation. A month ago he was one of them. He sighed and buried his head behind the locker door, allowing himself a minute to breathe and regain his composure.
Things had been different ever since news had broken of Kurt and Blaine’s break up and the details behind it. He had been slowly but steadily pushed out of the glee club until he was like an outsider looking in. No one ever asked his opinion anymore; he had given up trying for solos after his attempts were ignored, and eventually he had just left. None of his friends even spoke to him anymore, and he frequently spent his lunch in the choir room with Sam, the only friend of Blaine’s to not turn his back on him.
Blaine shoved the rest of his stuff into his bag and slammed the door shut, almost catching his finger. He turned and headed toward the parking lot and the safety of his Prius. No one at the school had ever bothered him there, and he hoped that his luck would continue.
He pushed the heavy metal doors open and was immediately hit with the brisk chill from winter in Ohio. It was only November, but it had already broken records for the freezing temperatures. He waved politely across the lot at Miss Pillsbury before he turned down the aisle he had parked in that morning. He reached into the front pocket of his bag and pulled out his keys, and immediately stiffened as he spotted someone leaning against his car. Blaine felt his chest tighten as his breathing sped up, and he tightened his grip on his keys. He slowly rounded the corner and breathed out in relief when he recognized the boy standing there. “Jesus, Sam, could you not scare the shit out of me?”
The blond reached for his backpack next to his feet and slung it over his shoulder. “What do you mean? I couldn’t find you after glee club so I figured I’d wait at your car.”
“I thought,” Blaine shook his head as he trailed off and opened the passenger seat to slide his bag in. “What’s up?”
Sam shrugged and leaned against the trunk. “We miss you at glee. It’s not the same without you, man. Everyone’s always fighting with each other and no one can even agree on anything. Brittany missed the smell of your hair gel, and I miss my duet partner.”
Blaine cracked a tiny smile at the last comments. He and Brittany had started the year as good friends going through a similar situation, and he missed her distractions. “I miss her too, and our duets. Don’t speak for the others though, Sam. Not one of them has said a word to me for a month. They all hate me.”
“No they don’t. No one hates you, come on.”
Blaine allowed his head to drop for a minute before he opened the driver’s side door. “Look, I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but I’m already in a really shitty place and all of them just remind me of that now. It’s not my safe place anymore, and I just don’t want to go and hate myself anymore.” Sam tried to speak, but Blaine cut him off and slipped behind the steering wheel. “Don’t, okay? Please, just, don’t. Good luck with the game tonight.”
Blaine shut the door and started the engine. He was flooded with relief as the radio filtered through the car and drowned out the thoughts running through his head. He didn’t know how much longer he could handle coming to this school and being constantly reminded of everything he had lost.
*
The wooden stick swirled around in the cup as Blaine added a little extra cinnamon to his coffee. It was cold outside, and the extra spice tasted like he was enveloped in a cozy blanket of warmth. He replaced the lid in hopes that his drink would stay warmer longer and grabbed his French book as he settled into the back corner of the Lima Bean. He had felt the walls of his bedroom closing in on him and had just needed a familiar place to breathe.
The Lima Bean had been his sanctuary the past month; no one from McKinley would try to talk to him and he could just be. A few of the Warblers had started to routinely show up, and it always made him smile when they came over to chat. Blaine missed all of his friends at Dalton, and Sebastian had surprisingly been a good support to him the past few weeks. They made him wish he had gone back.
The sound of a chair scraping against the tile floor startled him out of his thoughts and he glanced up with a tiny smile. “Hey.”
Sebastian set his coffee down on the table and gracefully sat down across from Blaine. “I dropped by your house, but your mom said you were here.”
Blaine shrugged and blinked up at him. “Aren’t I always?”
A comfortable silence passed between them for a few minutes as they sipped their coffee and glanced at the patrons around the shop. Many people were flowing through the shop today though only a handful would sit at the tables. Blaine missed the days where he and Kurt would trade quips back and forth about the stylings of the Lima citizens.
“So how’s McKinley? Any better over the last week?”
Blaine took a long swig of his coffee and shut his textbook as he shrugged his shoulders. “I didn’t expect it to be better. It got easier once I dropped out of glee club. I didn’t have the judgmental stares aimed at me anymore. It’s still lonely and quiet though.”
Sebastian’s eyebrows shot up and he dropped his coffee cup onto the table. “Wait. You dropped out of glee? You love singing and performing.”
Blaine wrapped his fingers around the cup and allowed the warmth to spread through him again as he took a sip. “Not when everyone shoves you into the corner and ignores you. I felt helpless, and it’s the one feeling I can’t deal with. There’s only one person there who’s bothered to care anyway.”
Sebastian bit his lip and sat back in his chair as he ran a hand down the front of his blazer to smooth the fabric. “I’m going to suggest something, and I want you to actually think about it, okay? Promise me you’ll hear me out?” He waited for Blaine to nod before he continued. “Transfer back to Dalton and rejoin the Warblers.”
“Sebastian, I-“
“Hey, no, you promised you’d hear me out, remember? There’s nothing for you at McKinley anymore. You’ve said that to me a few times already. If you transfer back to Dalton you’ll graduate with a prestigious school on your college applications; with your grades and recommendations you’ll have a ton of choices. Everyone in the Warblers misses you, and if you come back I’m positive that everyone will want you to be captain again. I’ve changed too, no more rivalry or stupid stuff, just a bunch of guys having a great senior year. Besides, Trent is beside himself over there.”
Blaine laughed at the last comment and propped his head on his hand on the table. “Even if I wanted to I doubt they’d let me. It’s already November, and they don’t let late transfers in unless it’s an extenuating circumstance.”
Sebastian rolled his eyes and scoffed. “Please. You’re the Blaine Anderson of Dalton Academy. You are an extenuating circumstance.” They both laughed and finished off their coffee before Sebastian stood up. “I’ve gotta get going, we have extra practice today. Just think about it okay? I think you need to do something for yourself for a change, not for everyone else.”
Blaine nodded and watched Sebastian disappear into the parking lot. He couldn’t transfer back to Dalton now. Could he?
He reached out for his empty coffee cup and twirled it around with his hands and thought about Sebastian’s words. He knew that if he transferred back the friends he had there would welcome him back; they had long ago gotten over their differences after the wake-up call in the spring from Karofsky. Trent had kept in constant contact with him, and he knew that they all missed him.
Blaine forced the thoughts from his head and gathered his books together as he knew he wouldn’t get any studying done now. He shrugged his heavy jacket back on and threw his cup away before he stepped out into the frigid air. He immediately cranked the heat up to high as he pulled out of the parking lot and onto the busy road. He couldn’t just transfer back to Dalton. It was mid-year. He would be so far behind in the curriculum compared to McKinley’s joke of advanced classes. He was in no state of mind to audition for anything right now. Besides all that, senior year didn’t count on any college applications. There was no point in him transferring back now, and he didn’t know if his parents would even let him. Not after he had begged them to let him go to public school with Kurt.
He felt a headache starting to rise behind his temples and tried to shake the thoughts out of his head. He couldn’t do anything about it and that was that.
Blaine pulled into his spot in the four-car garage and noticed his father’s car was gone as usual. He rolled his eyes and shut the engine off, reveling in the heat that was still swirling in the car. He sighed and grabbed his bag as he got out and locked the doors before he stepped into the house. He automatically smiled as the aroma of coffee floated through the air, the scent of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies hitting him right before he stepped into the kitchen. He rounded the corner and hung his keys up before he walked over to his mother who was sitting at the table in the corner nook. “Hi, Mom.”
“Hi, Sweetheart. Sebastian dropped by while you were gone.”
“Yeah, he found me at the coffee shop. Where’s Dad?”
“Working, as usual.” She set her book down and shot him a look over her reading glasses. “Why, did you suddenly want father/son bonding time?”
He rolled his eyes as she grinned and nudged her with his hip as he walked away. He stopped suddenly, glancing at the fresh cookies and coffee, and it hit him just how sad he had been the past few weeks.
“Everything okay, honey?”
Blaine turned around at his mother’s voice, and the fight and strength that he had been clinging to left him. “Not really. Ummm, can we talk? Please?”
*
Blaine took a deep breath in and adjusted his tie for the twentieth time that morning. He stared nervously at the daunting entrance, one that he was familiar with, as he wondered again if this was the right decision. He noticed the time displayed on his dashboard and reached across the console for his bag. While most of the parking lot was still empty, the Warblers had called an early practice session before school, and he had been requested to attend. He had prayed all weekend that he wouldn’t screw anything up.
He stepped into the crisp air and locked the doors on his Prius while he weaved through the lot. The closer he got to the academy, the more comfortable he began to feel; the sights and smells a familiar welcome to him. It had always been his safe haven; the place where he belonged. He pulled the heavy door open and stepped inside as the warm tones of Dalton Academy invaded his senses. It was quiet, and he was grateful for the small opportunity he had to compose his thoughts. He turned and walked past the familiar photos and found himself at the grand staircase. He couldn’t help but smile at the memory of the boy from two years ago who had tried so hard to seamlessly blend in not knowing how much both of their lives would change. His heart began to ache at the thought of Kurt, and he shook the memory out of his head. Today wasn’t about the past; today was about a chance to move forward and heal in a place where his friends welcomed him for who he was; flaws and all.
As he reached the bottom of the staircase, he heard harmonizing voices float through the hallway, and he barely had time to register them before he felt arms wrap around him out of nowhere. He panicked for a few seconds before he heard the familiar voice speak quickly next to him.
“Blaine Anderson, thank God.”
Blaine grinned and wrestled an arm out of Trent’s iron clad grasp and wrapped it around the boy. “It’s really good to see you too, Trent.” The boys pulled back as Trent led Blaine toward the Warblers rehearsal.
“You have no idea how happy everyone is that you’re back at Dalton and rejoining the Warblers, especially me. It’s been crazy without you.”
Blaine tried to ask what he meant but was suddenly met with a group of boys in blazers surrounding him. He recognized some faces from before and noticed new ones and as he stood in the center. He knew he had made the right decision.
Kurt
Kurt reached for the warm wool scarf that was draped over the dresser mirror and carefully wrapped it around his neck. He adjusted the folds as he aired the fabric and sighed; he should have brought another one with him. This piece did nothing for the outfit.
He sat down on the edge of the bed and glanced at the clock perched on the shelf across the room. Kurt bit his lip; Rachel would be here any minute to pick him up. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to go, he did want to see everyone; he just wasn’t sure how everyone would handle things. When Brittany had called him in New York upset and crying, he had done his best to calm her down, but he himself had still been spiraling. He had barely been able to get his head around what his own boyfriend had confessed, much less Brittany and Santana’s breakup. He knew things had been left awkward between them, but that was nothing compared to what he knew he would face tonight with him.
Blaine. Kurt had spent the last two months thinking about him. His thoughts often randomly changed from devastation to anger, desperation, and need, and then circled through them all over again. The first month was tough and it still was; but Kurt was doing better. It took two to ruin a relationship, and he knew that there were things he had done that had caused more problems. He had spent the last month working on himself, however, and while he was nowhere near being okay, he was slowly finding out who he really was.
"Kurt, Rachel’s here,” he heard Carole shout from downstairs.
"I'm coming!" He groaned and stood up, snatching his coat off the back of his old desk chair and taking one last glance in the mirror. He shut the light off and headed downstairs with the chatter of Rachel's voice cutting the air.
*~*~*
"I changed my mind."
"Kurt, come on-"
"No, Rachel. What do I say to him? What if he looks terrible and I feel guiltier than I did before? What if he looks phenomenal and I look like shit?"
"Or what about none of the above?"
Kurt whipped around as his scarf flew with him and came face to face with Tina, who had her arms crossed and a smirk across her face. "Oh my God, Tina, don't scare me like that."
"Tina!" Rachel flew at the girl and wrapped her arms around her as she spoke a mile a minute.
Tina tried to keep up, but Kurt rolled his eyes at the sounds, and Tina smiled back. "That sounds great, Rachel. Why don't you go inside and see everyone? I'll walk Kurt in."
Rachel glanced at Kurt who nodded before she bounded up the walk to the front of the house and threw the door open with a rather loud announcement. Kurt rolled his eyes again and sighed before he faced Tina. "It's good to see you."
"You too, Kurt." She gave him a quick hug before she stepped backwards, keeping her hands on his upper arms. "When did you last talk to him?"
"Tina-"
She shook her head, and with a determined look she repeated the question. "No, Kurt, I'm trying to help. When was the last time you talked to him?"
Kurt paused and let out a huff before he thought about her question. "About two weeks after he broke up with me. He just ... stopped."
She nodded and turned to loop her arm through his as they slowly made their way up the walk to the front door. "Yes, there’s a reason for that, and I'm ashamed to admit that I'm part of the reason for everything that has happened. I'm sure he'll explain everything to you when you see him. Give him a chance and let him talk; a lot has changed with him, and I know it wasn’t easy."
Kurt bit his lip and tried to keep the tears welled up in his eyes from falling. "I don't know if I can listen though."
Tina frowned but nodded and placed her hand on the front door knob before she spun toward him at the last minute. "Just, Kurt, he's made a lot of changes in his life, a lot of which I still don't know, because it’s harder for us to talk now, and part of that is my fault. Don't close the book on him though, okay?"
Kurt wanted to ask her what she meant, but the door was opened and suddenly there were shouts of his name and bodies hugging him. He felt himself being tugged in different directions and was grateful when, ten minutes later, Finn arrived with his girlfriend and drew the attention away from him. As Kurt took a deep breath and began to wonder about a drink, he was suddenly there, standing across the room talking to the newest members of New Directions. Kurt stood frozen in his spot as Blaine turned around, laughing at something one of them had said, and locked eyes on Kurt.
God, he looked good. That was the first thing Kurt thought when their eyes met across the room. He looked better than before, if he admitted it; his hair wasn’t as gelled down as it used to be, and the worry lines on his face were gone. He looked happy and relaxed with not a care in the world, and Kurt envied him for it.
He hurriedly pushed his way toward the kitchen to find something to calm the nerves floating around in his stomach. He hadn't expected the aching and longing to return as powerfully as they did when he saw Blaine standing there. All Kurt wanted to do was wrap his arms around him and forgive him. He reached for the nearest bottle on the counter and poured a large amount in with a diet coke. He needed to take off the edge.
Forty-five minutes and six evasive maneuvers later, Kurt found himself stuck in a heated debate between Unique and Kitty. The two had managed to successfully break Rachel Berry's record of talking nonstop, and every time he tried to excuse himself, they reigned him back in. He had learned to tolerate a lot living with Rachel, but he was quickly approaching his limit.
"Girls, stop hogging Kurt, some of us haven't even had a chance to say hello."
Kurt barely had time to register who the voice belonged to before he was being led through the crowded room towards the back by an all too familiar hand. He felt a shot of cold air pelt him before a blanket was thrown over him, and the music and voices died down considerably.
"Sorry about that," Blaine spoke quietly as he walked across the sunroom, now chilly from the cold outside. He reached for the light throw that was on the love seat and wrapped himself up in it before he sat down. "You looked like you were miserable. Don't worry; you don't have to talk to me. Just wait a few minutes before you go back in though. Those two tend to sink their claws into people during an argument."
"Oh, don't worry about that. Between Rachel and the people at Vogue, my tongue has gotten about eighty percent sharper." Kurt forced a smile before he bit his lip and huffed out a breath of air. "I'm not trying to ignore you, and of course I'm going to talk to you."
Blaine tilted his head and wrapped the blanket tighter around himself. "Really? Every time I tried to get anywhere near you tonight, you ran in the opposite direction."
"I didn't run. I'm sorry, okay? I don't know how to be here without you next to me. I don't know what I'm doing."
"That makes two of us."
Kurt slowly walked over toward Blaine as he tugged the blanket tighter to keep the heat in. "So how's McKinley? Still the same?"
Blaine shrugged and glanced curiously at him from the corner of his eye. "I don't know. I guess it is."
Kurt raised an eyebrow at his lack of response. "You guess? You're there every day aren't you?"
"I, uh, I don't go to McKinley anymore. Didn't Burt, I mean your dad, tell you?"
Kurt froze mid-walk and turned toward him. "What? My dad hasn't said one word about you, and neither has anyone else for that matter."
Blaine groaned and took a deep, steadying breath before he motioned for Kurt to sit next to him. "I assumed they would have told you." He waited for Kurt, who thought for a moment, then moved to sit next to him.
"About three weeks after we split up, I broke. It was really bad. I mean, no one would talk to me, which I had figured they wouldn't, but it was worse than I thought it would be. Sam was my only friend for three weeks."
"Wait." Kurt cleared his throat and tried to understand what Blaine was saying. "What do you mean no one talked to you?"
Blaine shrugged and sat back with his head against the back of the loveseat and his eyes shut. "After they found out what I did to you they all just, kind of, exiled me, I guess. Sam was the only one who actually cared about my side of the story, and he tried to be there, he did, I just didn’t know how to deal I think."
Kurt tried to control his breathing as he felt anger begin to bubble up under his skin. "I can't believe them. They seriously stopped talking to you? Unbelievable. You’d think being in glee together would have meant something given all the drama in there."
"Kurt, just drop it. It's not worth rehashing. Anyway, I was at the Lima Bean after a particularly rough week, and I ran into Sebastian there. Don't give me that look, Kurt, just let me talk." Blaine waited for Kurt to close his mouth and relax before be continued. "We've become friends; he's changed quite a bit. Anyway, we were talking, and he mentioned transferring back to Dalton. I hadn't even considered it an option. The longer I sat there thinking, the more I realized that I probably could. I still had the Warblers there and some of my friends, who wanted me to go back. It figured it would at least be better than McKinley. I talked to my mom that night, finished as much work as I could the next day, then went to Dalton that Monday."
"You transferred back?" Kurt hadn't realized just how much he'd missed and just how much had changed with everybody in the last two months. He almost regretted not speaking to Blaine sooner, or at least having Finn update him. "I'm sorry."
Blaine raised an eyebrow at Kurt. "Why are you sorry?"
Kurt sighed and sat back curling his legs up underneath him. "I should have checked in with Finn. I should have talked to them. No one should have to transfer schools. Not for that."
"Hey," Blaine spoke softly and began to reach out for Kurt but quickly drew his hand back underneath the blanket. "This is in no way your fault. You didn't have to do anything, okay? I just knew you didn't want to talk to me."
"Still-"
"Kurt shush. Besides, life is getting better for me. I auditioned for the Warblers again, and they actually made me captain. It's nice being part of them again. I have friends there, and we have regular movie nights, and there's no drama. I, umm, I started seeing a therapist too. It's been helping."
Kurt stared at the boy across from him and couldn't help the feeling bubbling up in his chest. How could he ever think that he could get over him? "Really? I'm glad. That it’s helping you, I mean."
The corner of Blaine's mouth tugged up into a grin, and Kurt cuddled into the cushions more. "Yeah, I didn't want to but it's helping me with a lot too. Especially since I'll be on my own next year. I have to learn how to deal with things."
Kurt rested his head against the back and smiled at Blaine. "I've missed you." The stunned look on Blaine's face had Kurt realizing what he said and he shrugged. "I'm sorry. I know it has nothing to do with what we were talking about. I do, though."
Blaine bit his lip and focused his stare on the carpeted floor. "Me too. It just surprised me I guess. I figured you'd never talk to me again."
Kurt sighed and closed his eyes as he tried to arrange his thoughts and feelings into an actual sentence. "I always want to talk to you. I always want to hear about everything. I just needed time to realize that, I think."
Blaine nodded slowly and played with a corner of the blanket. The two sat in silence for a few minutes, the bass from the music permeating the quiet room. It was a comfortable silence, as it had always been between them, this time filled with unasked questions and answers neither one was sure of.
A loud crash of glass bottles from inside struck them out of their reverie, and Kurt rolled his eyes. "So help me, I am not taking anyone to the hospital tonight."
Blaine's laugh rang through the air. "Hey, at least some things never change right?"
Kurt nudged him with his shoulder and grinned. "We should probably go see if there's any damage."
Blaine groaned not wanting to leave the comfort of his blanket. "But I'm finally warm. Can't they deal with it?"
Kurt opened his mouth to argue but quickly shut it and fell back against the seat. "Fine. Only because I don't want to have to deal whatever's on the other side of that door."
Blaine snorted and turned to Kurt. "So we're okay?"
Kurt raised an eyebrow at his question. "What do you mean?"
"As friends. Are we okay? Because I really miss my best friend."
Kurt chuckled low in his throat before he turned his eyes toward Blaine. "We've never been just friends Blaine. Ever."
Blaine's eyes watered a little as they both tried to figure out what the statement meant. "So now what?"
Another loud crash reached their ears, and Kurt sighed as he reluctantly stood up. "Now, we have to go in there and save everyone from themselves. Then we sleep."
"Okay."
Blaine's confusion was written all over his face, and Kurt tried to put his aside. "Tomorrow's a new day. I'm here for another week until I have to go back to New York." Kurt held his hand out for Blaine to take as he stood up. "We've got a week to figure out what we need to do for each other so we can start working back towards the Cape. Okay?"
Kurt could visibly see Blaine's shoulders release the weight he had been carrying around as the sparkle returned to his eyes. "Thank you."
"I told you. Time is what I needed." Kurt rubbed Blaine's hand with both of his as he tugged him back inside, finally feeling like he was back on the path he was supposed to be on.