well, well, well....

[bowiefan]

So here I am writing in this so-called 'livejournal', yet again. I believe the last time I wrote in this was more than 6 months ago. So, this weekened I went to Big Bear with my homee sara and it was a party. not much to say about it, though. I sang at this bar on friday and saturday night. Quite a Crowd. Last week i had my cousin Jennifer over ALL week. It's so hard having someone stay with you for a whole week. Perhaps it was because i just sorta slept on the floor....oh well. It was fun, all the same. On Tuesday, Jeff came over and we played pool. The Sunday before that, after church, me, dena, and jeff were all going to go shopping. then, i get to church and find out that Jeff had invited Brendan....maybe he invited himself..?? to kiss my ass? perhaps. I mean, he has for the last couple weeks. Maybe I should just forgive him and stop being such a bitch? that would be the worst thing I could do. but, honestly, I hate being a bitch to him or anyone. I feel like i HAVE to be a bitch to him or he's going to feel like he got away with it. anyways, so we all went shopping. that was...interesting. oh man. then we went to my house and played pool. After playing pool with Jeff last tuesday, I went to band practice and I left my cell at home and brendan called. These last couple weeks i've been having these Symbolic dreams about him. they're quite nausianting, to say the least. I'm not Quite sure what they mean, but some of them made me wake up crying. This guy, Josh, has been after me these past 2 weeks. says he wants me and all of this bullshit. I don't trust him AT ALL. I shouldn't have the last time we 'hung out'. He finally gave up on me when I turned him down for about the thousandth (is that a word?) time today. he just said "fuck it. i'm over it" when i said "i'm turning you down". lol. poor boy. So, today, when i got home i went through my room and just threw EVERYTHING that meant something to me on paper away. Mostly mommories..poems..notes..Things from people who i never thought would hurt me..pretty much my past on paper. I guess it symbolized forgetting my past (hence 'throwing away') so I can live in the present and not dwell on what was..

Thats all for now.

-Alexis