(no subject)
I got back about an hour ago, give or take, and I feel incredibly burnt out. After getting back and feeling this way I always find myself wondering why I left in the first place. People are like a drug and I'm looking for the right fix.
I spent sometime writing in my person journal; my brother was in my room adding songs to his iPod. I'm having trouble thinking of a line I came up with today. I had three in my head, unrelated, on the way home. I completely forgot one. Something tells me it was a good one. I assume that something is just my pessimism making the situation out to be worse than it is. The truth is: I've not thought of anything recently that I've considered to be truly good, but it's still bothering me to not be able to think of what this was.
I don't know what I need. I get a lot of time alone, which is what I want most of the time. But I'm lonely. And I want a connection with someone again. Something a little more intimate and profound than the superficial interactions I persist with now. It's all complicated, and I'm not sure why I'm rambling about it here, anyway. I suppose the reason is obvious--it's important to me. But it feels like silly place to do it.
I'm sleepy; so, forgive me. I don't know what I'm doing.
I could ramble forever. It's cathartic, and so much faster and easier than writing by hand.
I feel like I'm putting off recovery. I'm always waiting and looking for something. I could have it, but something is broken and I'm waiting for someone to come along and fix it for me. My emotions get in the way, but what could be more important?
I'm a spaz.
I'll cut myself off here.
I spent sometime writing in my person journal; my brother was in my room adding songs to his iPod. I'm having trouble thinking of a line I came up with today. I had three in my head, unrelated, on the way home. I completely forgot one. Something tells me it was a good one. I assume that something is just my pessimism making the situation out to be worse than it is. The truth is: I've not thought of anything recently that I've considered to be truly good, but it's still bothering me to not be able to think of what this was.
I don't know what I need. I get a lot of time alone, which is what I want most of the time. But I'm lonely. And I want a connection with someone again. Something a little more intimate and profound than the superficial interactions I persist with now. It's all complicated, and I'm not sure why I'm rambling about it here, anyway. I suppose the reason is obvious--it's important to me. But it feels like silly place to do it.
I'm sleepy; so, forgive me. I don't know what I'm doing.
I could ramble forever. It's cathartic, and so much faster and easier than writing by hand.
I feel like I'm putting off recovery. I'm always waiting and looking for something. I could have it, but something is broken and I'm waiting for someone to come along and fix it for me. My emotions get in the way, but what could be more important?
I'm a spaz.
I'll cut myself off here.