(no subject)
I'm sort of not really sure what's going on with Alejandro and I in my mind. Today we had a fight and he told me that I was like 90% of his life. And I'm not really sure if he's that for me. I mean, like I said, period of adjustment, yadda yadda yadda. But sometimes I just feel like, 'FUCK, if I'm not crazy excited about this guy, WHY am I still with him!?' - and then I'm not really sure where I stand.
I'm sure-ish that if we broke up, over the course of the years, I would be able to find another man. Not immediately, but eventually.
But I'm bound to him somehow. I don't know what it is. Did I start dating him because I was lonely and had no one else, thus ensuring the creation of an unusually close bond between us whose actual effectiveness and our actual compatibility had been exaggerated through separation? Or is there really something there between us that is special and unique?
I feel sad and confused, and I hate feeling that way.
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also i'm worried about dad, who was sent back to jamaica two nights ago in preparation for hurricane dean, the eye of which will be passing pretty much directly over the island. he's all alone over there and sleeping in the embassy along with other evacuees. poor dad. i wish i had called him. i wish i were a better person.
i hope everything is okay.
I'm sure-ish that if we broke up, over the course of the years, I would be able to find another man. Not immediately, but eventually.
But I'm bound to him somehow. I don't know what it is. Did I start dating him because I was lonely and had no one else, thus ensuring the creation of an unusually close bond between us whose actual effectiveness and our actual compatibility had been exaggerated through separation? Or is there really something there between us that is special and unique?
I feel sad and confused, and I hate feeling that way.
---
also i'm worried about dad, who was sent back to jamaica two nights ago in preparation for hurricane dean, the eye of which will be passing pretty much directly over the island. he's all alone over there and sleeping in the embassy along with other evacuees. poor dad. i wish i had called him. i wish i were a better person.
i hope everything is okay.