A Sometimes Disturbing Week
So I've been slapped in the face back toward reality in that I've been called selfish, once again, by someone I love. I've been put down, deconstructed, and downright hurt by things said, while I said hurtful things too, just trying to get my feelings across and known. I really do suck at this whole "communication" thing, but the truth is, I'm not that depressed about it this time as I was when I was struck with a similar situation back in February of this year. Yeah, I'm insecure, who's not? Yeah, I'm overweight and underpaid, but I'm dealing with both. I don't know how to stand up for myself without being loud...which has always been an issue in my life and thus I have been struck quite silent in the last two days. I took yesterday off work to try to think things through and went through waves of cheer and depression. I mean, my situation kind of sucks, right? I feel like I have the consolation prize and it's my own damn fault because I took myself out of the running.
I also spent a good two hours of my Bio Anthro lecture today going through photographs and at some point want to put two or three more huge albums on myspace. I've had some really great experiences this year. Arno's daughters have been a great source of light in my life and I try not to act like having them around is a bother, because it's truly not. It's more or less, "Do I really want this as my life?"
Meanwhile, I am craving an excellent meal but have next to no money until tomorrow. Damn my epicurian tastes for gourmet foods. That's not a complaint...I'm not as bitchy as I used to be...
Which spins my head back to WHY THE HELL am I still having the same relationship issues that I had years ago? WHY can't I just STOP YELLING? Where is the control valve on emotions?
I also spent a good two hours of my Bio Anthro lecture today going through photographs and at some point want to put two or three more huge albums on myspace. I've had some really great experiences this year. Arno's daughters have been a great source of light in my life and I try not to act like having them around is a bother, because it's truly not. It's more or less, "Do I really want this as my life?"
Meanwhile, I am craving an excellent meal but have next to no money until tomorrow. Damn my epicurian tastes for gourmet foods. That's not a complaint...I'm not as bitchy as I used to be...
Which spins my head back to WHY THE HELL am I still having the same relationship issues that I had years ago? WHY can't I just STOP YELLING? Where is the control valve on emotions?