(no subject)

[boundnbleeding]

i fucking hate myself. are you happy now? are you glad that i do? you evidently are because you just love tearing me down until i have nothing left. everytime you open your damn mouth to me i want to slit a fucking wrist but whatever. i've tried before and i'll damn sure try again. the more you try to hurt me the more i'll hurt myself. yeah sure you can hurt me but i can hurt me too. what a wonderful fucking war we've started. i own my body. me. not you. not my grandma or the fucking school. i do. i can dress it how ever the FUCK i want and i can stick metal in it and cut it and burn it and beat if i FUCKING WANT TO. yeah you may see a bruised broken me with scars. but there's more to me than my scars. the scars i've got on the outside make me wanna die. woohoo don't you just love how i say that? you know you do. you're secretly just hoping i do hit a vein and bleed to death. no one fucking loves me so why in the hell should i care about such stupid shit?? you know what though?> i hope i do to. maybe leaving this world will help me more than any of you sick fucks have. i hope i die. okay? this shit has been building up for a long long fucking time.

i love a guy so fucking much. he says he loves me too but i've never experienced real love. i've said it not knowing what the hell it meant. i've faked it all of my life. so has everyone that has ever said it to me. how can anyone ever love a damaged freak like me? i'm not like anyone else. i don't want to be. why can't ppl just accept it?