cross-posted from tumblr.
homesick
He pushes the thought at the back of his mind when it first emerges.
It’s a sunny Sunday. The first snow happened already, but the hoarfrost covering the branches melted, and so did the flimsy white blanket overlapping the ground. It seeped into soil as if it’s never been there. The boys are happy. He is happy, too. He’s lunged on the sofa, having woken up from his second nap today, his gaze focused on the two people in the kitchen, Hakyeon’s body pressed up against Sanghyuk’s, Sanghyuk’s body pressed up against the counter. They try to be subtle for some reason, a reason that is unknown to Wonshik. He watches as the bodies writhe in joy, feels his heart leap when he hears the giggles that spill from Sanghyuk’s mouth at the countless kisses Hakyeon peppers on his face, on his neck.
“Shik-ah,” Jaehwan calls, hoarse, drowsily. Wonshik is almost certain he’s just risen from his first doze today. He hums in pleasure as Jaehwan cards gentle fingers through his hair.
He’s on his lap minutes later, nipping at Jaehwan’s neck, running his nose over the expanse of soft skin and breathing in the faint fragrance. It trickled into his skin and lost its potency, but it’s alright; Wonshik prefers the scent of Jaehwan’s clean skin more, anyway.
“Cute,” he murmurs as Jaehwan bursts into snickers from his incessant tickles, and even though he heard it a million times from all of them, Jaehwan gets squirmy every single time, especially when there are slender fingers gliding over his skin.
They all fall asleep before him, which isn’t necessarily a surprise, taking into account that he had fallen into slumber three times before the day met its end. He’d fallen asleep even with Taekwoon slumped over him, pressing kisses onto his naked shoulder blade.
It bolts through him like lightning, the thought, makes the affectionate expression crumble in an instant, hopelessness and despair so cogent it weighs him down, makes his throat thicken. Hongbin awakens and pulls him down in a beat, shushing him when Wonshik gasps. He is slotted between two warm bodies, head tucked under Hongbin’s chin and Hakyeon’s arm wrapped around his waist.
He doesn’t sleep.
The next day he acts like it never happened.
But, he soon discovers, the more you try to neglect something, the more it comes back at you, asking for answers, asking for finality.
“You haven’t been acting like yourself lately.” Hakyeon comments, the sound of it so casual, but Wonshik knows it’s anything but.
“Too tired.. “
It’s a weak excuse, but it’s all he has. He still doesn’t think he is ready to face it. Still too scared to find an answer to the question that’s been burning at him for weeks now.
“Sanghyuk says you’ve been ignoring him,” Hakyeon adds, and his voice is piercing, “now that I think about it, you’ve been ignoring all of us.”
Wonshik’s response to that is only a groan. He knows he’s deliberately disregarding the most important rule they’ve set when all of this started - and he’s supposed to be good at speaking, talking, communicating. He doesn’t know how to explain his misery, how to escape this ordeal by himself.
He doesn’t seek help, doesn’t ask for second opinions. Knowingly breaks their crucial rule.
It creates a fissure.
Sanghyuk, after having been neglected for weeks, avoids him the best he can. When Wonshik leans in for a kiss, sleep-fluffed hair soft between his fingers, Sanghyuk recoils, says he hasn’t brushed his teeth. Wonshik doesn’t think he has the right to feel hurt, but he does, moping around the rest of the day.
Taekwoon, even, bugs him less - and the times he does come to speak with him, it’s always about the same topic, the topic Wonshik wants so desperately to fend off. What’s wrong with him. It’s at the tips of their tongue, and sometimes they vocalize it. But they never get an answer. Wonshik himself doesn’t know the answer.
It drives him crazy.
“You’re breaking up with us?” Hakyeon’s mouth is soft and he wants to kiss him. Wants to snag back the words he’d just said, that he thought of leaving (being a coward), thought of living a different, normal life. Hakyeon snaps.
“Normal?” His eyes glaze over with tears. Wonshik knows Hakyeon is an emotional person, but he selfishly wished he wouldn’t have broken down - at least not so soon, wishes he could have hidden. His tears are triggered easily.
“I’m scared,” it’s strangely relieving to say it, and then he can’t stop, “until when, Hakyeon? Until when can we be happy? Until when can we hide?”
“God.. I can’t tell Sanghyuk. You’re leaving us.. “ Hakyeon doesn’t seem to register any word he’s saying, his shoulders shake with his cries. He moves to cradle Hakyeon into his embrace and doesn’t know if he feels better or worse when Hakyeon clings to him.
His sobs dwindle, and he tilts his head up to meet Wonshik’s gaze. “You knew from the beginning that you are free, Wonshik, we all are,” he pulls back and Wonshik feels empty, emptier than he’s felt in a long, long time, “we all wanted loyalty, we agreed upon that. If you want to leave us.. you have to tell them, Wonshik.” He’s still visibly affected, but more solemn and Wonshik feels as if he’s on the verge of collapsing.
“It’s the least you can do. Just be honest, it’s all I ask from you.”
It echoes in his ears and it’s all he thinks about for the next few days. In the end, he’s much more of a coward than he thought he was.
She’s vibrant, beautiful, and so friendly. She encapsulates all qualities his mother wished for a future daughter-in-law and Wonshik forces himself to think he is pleased. It’s hard to evade his sister’s glares. He always thought she knew, and maybe that was his confirmation.
None of them call and neither does he, their manager taking the role of middle man. Their performance is weaker in places, but miraculously they succeed in communicating on strictly business basis.
Sanghyuk still doesn’t look at him. It hurts.
The stage gives him energy, but it trickles out of him as soon as they are done, and he is too powerless to stop Taekwoon; his hand holds his, and instead of reeking of annoyance, Taekwoon is gentle and it makes him crack more, his heart beating ferociously against his ribs.
“How are you doing?” He looks composed, but Wonshik can feel his restlessness, his slim fingers grasping his so, so tight. “Your sister told Jaehwan you got a girlfriend.” Wonshik swallows. He doesn’t want to talk about this.
“I’m okay,” he says, “I’m fine. She’s been lovely. My family is happy.”
“Are you?”
Wonshik knows he isn’t when he swoops in to plant his lips upon Taekwoon’s; so soft, so dizzying when Taekwoon kisses back, kisses deeper and Wonshik’s nails stick into his shoulders, demanding more with his entire body. Taekwoon indulges him.
Hongbin visits him sometimes. Even though he can’t go back, back to the times where their friendship hadn’t flourished into a relationship, Hongbin learns to hold back, learns not to question why. He still loves Wonshik. He still cares about Wonshik. They all do.
And the time he can’t repress it, it’s irreversible. It raises more doubts in Wonshik, makes his insecurity stockier. What was supposed to be a quick, harmless handjob in the bathroom, while she was downstairs, holds much more weight to Wonshik, to them both. Not even Hongbin’s kisses drown out his noises.
It’s the last straw when he finds himself tangled in bed with two other warm bodies, muscles straining as he settles on his knees between Sanghyuk’s thighs and he cradles his head, leans down to kiss the tears away from his cheeks. Hakyeon kisses at his nape softly, length tucked between Wonshik’s slick thighs, pushing forward and pulling back in a slow rhythm.
Sanghyuk was sensitive. He also spoke the least about his feelings, even less than Taekwoon. Hakyeon knew they were all suffering, but Sanghyuk didn’t talk about it, and it made his pain even more unbearable. He didn’t cry like Hakyeon or Jaehwan did, he didn’t reach out. He kept it all inside, let the frustration swarm through him like poison.
He lets it rip open now, and it’s cleansing when pleasure crashes through him, muscles numb and mind a welcomed vacuum.
“I love you,” Wonshik says, rushed, overwhelmed, and he knows he doesn’t say it to only Sanghyuk, but to Hakyeon, too, and to Jaehwan, and to Taekwoon, and to Hongbin.
It’s time to return home.
His mother isn’t all too happy when she finds out he broke up with his girlfriend, that he had left such a beautiful, incredible, perfect woman and Wonshik cowers, shrinks on himself.
He’s still unsure, but how foolish had he been to think the others aren’t as scared as he is. Scared of the future, scared of uncertainty. He also learnt that it’s better to stay rooted in the present, deal with problems as they come, together.
Jiwon deftly halts the uncomfortable conversation when she chides, “He’s still young, stop pestering him.”
The smile she shoots him is so reassuring.
When he returns, the soil soaks the remnants of snow and the sun shines on his face.
The cuddle pile is so comforting. It’s home.
red-hot
(Hakyeon/Jaehwan/Wonshik/Sanghyuk)
Jaehwan puts down his notebook and strains his ears, glancing at Hakyeon with wonder in his eyes, but Hakyeon doesn’t satisfy his curiosity. Instead he shrugs, and scolds him about leaving his tea untouched.
He only had to go meet the kids in the afternoon, and he won’t accept having woken up for nothing at such inane hour.
Jaehwan drinks his tea cold. He can barely convince Hakyeon to get off his lap later, his lover scattering kisses up his neck with a fond smile. Showered in affection, he can almost dismiss the insane noise that seems to come from the apartment adjacent to theirs.
Later that night, he finds out they got new neighbors.
Later that night, he finds out their neighbors are boisterous and annoying.
“Are they having sex or killing each other?” Jaehwan’s question remains unanswered, Hakyeon just grunts while he quaffs the effervescing pill for his headache. Jaehwan almost batters their joint wall with his punches, but Hakyeon stops him before he can do any real damage.
He spews some curses in Chinese (and Jaehwan only knows they’re expletives from the tone of his voice) before relinquishing and drifting to bed, sliding under the covers.
Jaehwan gives up, too.
“You think we were too loud?” Sanghyuk chuckles at Wonshik’s query, burying fingers through his hair and leaning down to press a chaste kiss to his lips. He brings Wonshik’s thigh over his waist, moves to rest on his side.
“Maybe. Does it matter?” Wonshik nudges his nose with his, his eyes gentle. He used to be rather quiet before Sanghyuk, stifling groans and grunting instead of flat-out moaning. But Sanghyuk wasn’t too fond of it, and one night when Wonshik was biting down on his shoulder to muffle the cries of passion, he yanked his head back and thrust harder.
It was beautiful; high-pitched and strident in places and Sanghyuk coaxed more of these surprising noises.
They fall asleep at dawn, after two more rounds. Sanghyuk is really just a hot-blooded young man and Wonshik never refuses him.
Hakyeon sees them walking out of their apartment, hand in hand. Tall and sturdy, wide in shoulders, their legs endless. Both gorgeous, though in different ways. For a moment, he forgets they are the source of his recent headaches. One of them sports a peculiar hair color - a pastel blue that he pulls off almost too well; it reminds Hakyeon of candy cotton.
He doesn’t greet them, instead scurries back inside his own apartment, goes to prepare the kettle for some tea. Broods an unhealthy amount of hours over the two beautiful strangers that keep him up at night. Jaehwan notices the bizarre aura when he comes back at night, asks if his day was bad.
“I saw the neighbors.” Jaehwan tosses his jacket on the velvety armchair. He hums to signal he’s listening, fumbles with his shirt.
“Pretty boys, younger than us. I’m fairly certain at least one of them is younger than us.” Jaehwan plops on the sofa and beckons Hakyeon over, his lover taking his usual spot on his thigh.
“Did you greet them?” Hakyeon shakes his head no, leans against Jaehwan’s chest.
“They looked quite burly and scary. I’m pretty sure they can lift me up and fling me somewhere if they get irritated.” Jaehwan laughs, no longer peeved that his article didn’t make it, this time.
“Really, honey? I thought you were more brave.”
Hakyeon pouts, and Jaehwan soothes him with a kiss, asks if he would give him the pleasure of joining him in the shower. Thankfully, over the loud spray of water, they can’t hear the pesky noises.
Jaehwan is in a good mood next morning, having miraculously falling asleep before the clamor started. Hakyeon however wasn’t that lucky, and upon seeing his eye bags prior to leaving, Jaehwan’s disposition dampens a little. He almost slams into another body as he walks, more focused on the string of messages from his editor. He notes the mass of blue hair at first.
“Keep the volume down at night, goddammit,” he curses, sticks his middle finger up at the other man, unfazed by his shocked face.
Wonshik returns the gesture. Only that he does it minutes later, after Jaehwan already disappeared.
He wasn’t scared. He just had a belated reaction.
“I’m not going to have sex now,” Hakyeon whines, sticks his ear buds in again, but Jaehwan nudges his shoulder, insists.
“Maybe if we are louder than them, they will stop.” Hakyeon looks at him as if he’s grown a second head. “Flawless logic you got there, baby,” he shakes his head, incredulous, “I need my beauty sleep.”
Jaehwan clicks his tongue, then laces his fingers with his, brings Hakyeon’s attention to him once again. “We both know you ain’t gonna get no beauty sleep. Plus, you don’t need it,” he wheedles, scooting closer to kiss at his neck, “you are the human superlative of beautiful.”
Hakyeon giggles, “did they actually hire you with these skills?” His expression is too soft to be considered mocking, and he swoops forward to meld his lips with Jaehwan’s.
Jaehwan is rarely rough, but when he is it makes Hakyeon’s cheeks pinken and he cherishes every second of it, each frenzied kiss, each sloppy thrust. He’s louder than he has been in a long time, and so is Jaehwan. When he collapses against his chest, sated, he only hears their heavy breathing and Jaehwan’s erratic heartbeat.
That until they hear the keening sounds from next door.
Jaehwan swears he will kill them. The perfect opportunity arises when they get trapped in the elevator (a supposedly brand new elevator) and Jaehwan scans them up and down with a fiery gaze. He can actually feel the unease emanating from the one with the gaudy hair color. Good. They should fear him.
“You were rude last time.” His eyes widen and his brows furrow, displeasure seeping into his tone.
“Listen here,”
“Wonshik,”
“Listen here, Wonshik, you two are keeping us up at night. Maybe you should have a bit of decency.”
“We heard you last night.” Jaehwan blubbers and almost blushes. It was his intent, and now he feels embarrassed about it, instead of proud. Unbelievable.
“And you still didn’t stop.” He feels even more embarrassed when the couple eyes him with questioning stares.
“Were we supposed to?” The taller one asks, and Jaehwan sighs, dismisses him with a hand. He’s filled by relief as they get locked out, not sparing a glance back.
Sanghyuk appears by their doorstep one afternoon, and Hakyeon arches an eyebrow as he peers at the other man. Sanghyuk shows him an empty cup, a coy smile curving his lips. So cute. So innocent.
“Do you happen to have some sugar I can borrow, hmm.. ?” He looks as if he’s waiting for something else, too, and Hakyeon realizes.
“Hakyeon,” he says, grasps the other hand in his own grip. Slim, long fingers.
“I’m Sanghyuk,” he shifts from foot to foot a couple times and it’s adorable, “nice to meet you.” Hakyeon invites him in.
Sanghyuk is affable, easy to talk to and downright lovable. Hakyeon is enchanted.
“So, how long have you been dating Wonshik?” Sanghyuk is momentarily confused how does Hakyeon know his lover’s name, but then he remembers about Jaehwan and their interesting meeting in the elevator.
“About a year. He’s sweet,” he plunks down the half-empty cup of coffee, “I like him a lot.”
“Jaehwan and I have been dating for a bit over two years.” Hakyeon shares, though he hadn’t been asked. “He seems scary,” Sanghyuk intervenes, lips tightened to fight off a smile at Hakyeon’s lovely look of wonder, “he almost threatened us last time.”
“I’m sure he didn’t mean it,” Hakyeon assures, reaching over to pat Sanghyuk’s shoulder; he feels the firm muscle there and almost wants to grip onto it than let go, “usually, he’s very gentle.”
“Wonshik gifts me a lot,” Sanghyuk says, and Hakyeon doesn’t really remember how long they’ve been talking.
“Does he have a lot of money?” They have moved to the sofa and currently stand so close their thighs touch. Neither seems to mind.
“He does experiments.” Sanghyuk relays with a straight face and Hakyeon tilts his head.
“Physicist? Chemist?”
“Hairdresser.” Hakyeon bursts into laughter, slaps Sanghyuk’s thigh and Sanghyuk chuckles with him.
“He does experiments on hair. His hair, mostly,” Sanghyuk shares with a smile on his face, “also, he has a little quirk. From time to time, he dyes his hair in a color that represents what he’s been feeling lately.”
“He has blue hair.”
“Serenity.”
“Oh,” Hakyeon nods, lips curled up in an amused smile, “makes sense.”
Wonshik’s hair is a fiery red by next month. Sanghyuk asks him why, splayed beneath him and running his fingers through the still wonderfully soft tresses. Wonshik pants against his shoulder, doesn’t respond, instead he snaps his hips faster, sinks deeper. Sanghyuk’s words are barely comprehensible because of his ragged breaths.
“Anger?” Wonshik shakes his head, digs his nails in Sanghyuk’s thigh and curls it around his waist.
“Determination?” Another shake of the head and Sanghyuk understands what he should have asked from the beginning.
“Passion? Desire?” Wonshik stills as he comes, the grip on Sanghyuk’s hips too tight, but he doesn’t mind, and heat surges through him when he joins Wonshik, releasing, his breaths short spurts that make his chest heave.
“You’ve got a crush on our gorgeous neighbors.” He states with a smile after he recovered his breath, traces Wonshik’s lower lip with his fingertip before he cants his head up for a kiss. “What do we do, baby. I like them, too.”
It’s strange. They are having sex, but they hear nothing from the other side of the wall, and it’s almost ridiculous how on edge they feel because they expect it. They yearn for it. Jaehwan has been jerking Hakyeon off for about fifteen minutes now, and it’s embarrassingly long; Hakyeon never needs that much time to be riled up. Hakyeon even swats at the wall a couple times, in hopes they would actually finally get to hear them.
It’s interesting, how things have changed. They complained so much about it in the beginning, but now getting off without hearing the other couple going at it is mission impossible. Jaehwan groans.
“I can’t do it, babe,” Hakyeon sobs, “it’s even starting to hurt me. Stop.” Jaehwan slides out and leans down beside Hakyeon, his labored breath normalizing.
“What the hell is wrong with us?” Jaehwan asks, and he sounds annoyed, but mostly miserable. Hakyeon’s cheeks gain a rosy tint, but he doesn’t beat around the bush.
“I can’t get off without hearing them.” Jaehwan looks at him, brushes the bangs out of his eyes and plants a kiss on his temple.
“Maybe.. maybe we like them.” Jaehwan says it out loud, and Hakyeon sighs, drapes himself over Jaehwan and kisses him, languid.
“I think I do,” he confesses, and Jaehwan is far from surprised, and is certain Hakyeon isn’t taken aback either when he echoes his words, “but, so what? Are we just going to pop in their apartment and ask them out? You realize they’ll never talk to us again if they aren’t open to that. How can we even find out if they are like us?” Jaehwan doesn’t have an answer to that.
Wonshik comes over the following night, says he’s been feeling lonely.
“Sanghyuk’s out of town.. enjoying his last trip as a student,” he says with a soft smile, “he calls me as often as he can, but you know how it is.”
Jaehwan and Hakyeon understand. Jaehwan cooks them dinner, and later he and Hakyeon curl up on the couch, Wonshik placed what he would consider a safe distance from them. He feels tense, and he knows he shouldn’t have come, but it’s too late now.
“Why don’t you cuddle with us?” Hakyeon offers after Jaehwan throws him a look. There’s a hint of pink on Wonshik’s cheeks, but he scoots closer, so close he plasters his chest to Hakyeon’s back. It’s so warm it soon becomes dizzying.
“Shik-ah?”
“Yeah?” Wonshik doesn’t pay attention to the movie anymore. Not that he actually heeded at all.
“Can I kiss you?” His palms are clammy when Hakyeon leans in, lips so soft and he sucks on his lower lip until it gets pink, sucks on his tongue until Hakyeon gets breathless. He draws a sharp breath when he feels Jaehwan behind him, fingers clenching into the hem of his shirt to pull it over his head and Wonshik feels he can’t get naked fast enough.
He takes his time kissing Hakyeon all over, on his chest, his stomach, his inner thighs. He squirms in desire when Jaehwan makes him splay on their mattress and he cries out when he feels his lips seal around his length. Wonshik doesn’t let him make him come, pushes on his shoulder with gentleness and coaxes them both to sprawl over the bed.
“So gorgeous. Both of you are so gorgeous.. “
He licks between Hakyeon’s thighs until he reaches orgasm, moans broken, ropes of come littering his stomach. He pushes Jaehwan’s hand away from his cock and instead encloses his lips over the head, sucks until he can feel him shake. Jaehwan slips out of his mouth and moves, scatters a few packets of condoms on the bed, tears one with his teeth.
He hasn’t been filled and swallowed at the same time since a long, long time ago. It feels maddening, all of his nerve endings alive and buzzing. Hakyeon’s warmth pulls him in, and his last thrusts are sloppy, hips stuttering as he finds his bliss.
The aftermath is just as dizzying. Gentle caresses and gentler kisses, warm breaths. It feels almost perfect.
“Sanghyuk.. he likes you, too, a lot.”
Their responding smiles fill his heart with joy.
Sanghyuk finds them all three cooped up on his and Wonshik’s sofa, and doesn’t act as bewildered as he feels. But there’s nothing he can do to stop the gasp escaping from his lips as Hakyeon kisses him. He is also powerless as his body reacts on its own, fingers tangling in Hakyeon’s hair, deepening the kiss - it’s so sweet he doesn’t want to stop. He feels someone kissing at his nape, and he knows it’s not Wonshik - he would recognize his touch on instant.
He doesn’t protest when Hakyeon and Jaehwan hold each of his hands and drag him to the bed, both endeared by Sanghyuk’s soft, glistening mouth. He registers Wonshik following them and he feels a surge of elation in his body.
They know and it’s mutual. There’s no other explanation.
Two months forward, Wonshik dyes his hair a yellowish blonde, and it’s again a shade only he can pull off.
“Jealousy?” Jaehwan wonders as he intertwines their fingers.
“That’s dumb, baby, jealousy would be green.” Hakyeon interjects, and Wonshik strokes his hair, Hakyeon burying his face against his tummy more.
“Obviously it’s something sappy,” Sanghyuk pipes up, head resting on Jaehwan’s shoulder, “like happiness.”
Wonshik’s silence makes them all grin.
“Aw, that’s so sweet.”
flare, burn, douse
[Hakyeon/Wonshik (pivot) /Hongbin]
V relationship - in a “V”, two of the three possible pairs have substantially stronger bonds than the third pair. The emotional and sexual aspects of relationship may differ in this regard
He doesn’t recall ever having his mind occupied with one person quite so many hours of the day and he feels helpless.
He sighs in relief as he receives the text, the boy he was supposed to assist this morning (and to whoop his ass, if necessary) cancelling their appointment. Wonshik is inclined to think he called it off to sneakily have a cheat day, but Wonshik also knows he has been working hard as of lately, and deserves a little spoiling.
After all, cheat days were essential for a healthy lifestyle.
His mouth feels dry as a desert, tongue sticking to its roof. He knows he can’t handle alcohol (he gets too touchy and reckless), but he still indulges, from time to time. Unfortunately, alcohol has sugar galore and Wonshik’s stomach is weak, incompatible with huge intakes of fructose.
To postpone this session means he has more time to prepare for Taekwoon later. He wouldn’t want to look like a hot mess standing beside a potential model.
He says good morning to his sprightly parrot, who in turn starts singing to “Jingle Bells.”
Wonshik looks at him quizzically for a moment before he bursts into disbelieving laughter. “You are way off, Buddy. It’s July.”
Taekwoon explains what an open call is, for the second time, first time being when Wonshik was smashed last night. No wonder he doesn’t remember.
“I hope it’s not a scam this time.” Wonshik stares at him in confusion, not familiar with the industry’s matters. “Some demand long-term contracts up front and con models to commit to high-commission percentages,” Taekwoon elucidates his mystery, and Wonshik notices the frown that dresses his features as he continues, “you know, take all your money after false promises of gaining fame.”
Wonshik gets bored after an hour. He didn’t really do anything but play games on his phone, waiting for Taekwoon.
“Are you here for the open call?” He is startled when he hears the question, mortified when he drops his phone between his thighs and appalled as it crashes to the floor. His head tilts up and his face heats up in embarrassment. He thinks he has never flushed so mightily in his whole life, the wave of embarrassment receding, but the blush stays shockingly intact nevertheless.
He’s beautiful. Beautiful in a soft, warm way in spite of the sharp jaw and the muscles straining under his shirt. He has really nice arms. A really nice voice, too.
Wonshik remembers about his phone, hurrying to pick it up from the floor and tucking it in his pocket without checking the damage. Hell if he cares about the phone.
“Um, no.. “ the other man looks amused, but doesn’t ask any questions regarding the tattered phone, “I’m here with a friend.”
“You look like you could be a model, though.” Wonshik wants to stop the blush blossoming on his cheeks again, but the beauty in front of him makes it insurmountable.
He learns his name is Hongbin and is ecstatic by that little victory, of only getting his name. Getting his phone number is an unexpected, but welcomed bonus. He refrains from calling too soon, instead goes out to celebrate that Taekwoon has made it into the modeling agency, though, this time, he politely refuses any alcoholic beverages and opts for their non-alcoholic alternatives.
No need for a queasy stomach.
A queasy stomach still happens. Only that it happens a few days after, when Hongbin pops up at his workplace, patting on his shoulder to catch his attention and Wonshik’s heart soars upon seeing his gorgeous smile.
It’s distracting, to watch him work out, the drops of sweat sliding on his neck and gathering down his collarbone. Wonshik livens up when it’s Hongbin’s turn to stare, and the way he does it, so unabashed, makes his stomach flutter.
Hongbin is straightforward. Presses against him while he kisses him, needy and fervent, and they are both still sticky with sweat, uncomfortable heat between their bodies. But Wonshik doesn’t care, his stomach bubbling with excitement, brain replaced with mush.
He’s enjoying it to the fullest, bringing Hongbin even closer, and the other easily melts into him, grips onto his shirt.
Sweet and dizzying kisses, and he can’t get enough of them.
They adjust to each other well, fall into a comfortable pattern. When he doesn’t have any gigs to attend, Hongbin comes by in the morning to wake Wonshik up and never caves to kiss him until Wonshik brushes his teeth thoroughly, no matter how fervently Wonshik pleads. Then he cleans up around the house, no matter how much Wonshik insists that he doesn’t need to; it’s an eccentricity of his, but at times it makes Wonshik feel like he’s taking advantage. Hongbin shushes him, tells him that he won’t have sex on any dirty furniture. Or any dusty appliance. That placates Wonshik.
Wonshik, being the good friend and boyfriend he is, accompanies either Taekwoon, either Hongbin to their calls as often as he can.
Hongbin is appointed for a casting call and he’s glowing when he tells Wonshik, enthusiastic and a little nervous. From what Wonshik understands, this is a highly renowned agency Hongbin dreamt of contracting with since he entered the industry. Wonshik cheers him on, sends a sweet message in the morning before he drives off to his place.
Both his excitement and his nerves infect Wonshik, too, and he’s at the edge of his seat as he waits for his lover. The people there are all beautiful and Wonshik feels a little intimidated, even though he humbly thinks that he’s handsome, as well.
The boy who stands beside him looks so young. So nervous, fiddling with his fingers, biting at his glossed lip. Gorgeous, fringe mussed over his forehead and he wants to reach out and whip it into shape.
Maybe he just wants to touch him. It’s a scandalous thought, but he doesn’t push it back.
Turns out his brain to limbs connection isn’t working too well, because in the next moment he startles even himself when his hand overlaps the other’s.
“Hey, relax,” his brain transmits the right thing to his mouth, it’s a relief, “you will be fine.”
“Sorry,” the boy apologizes for nothing at all, smile so shy, so sweet, “I’m just so nervous.”
“First time?”
“To a casting call, yes. I’ve been to plenty open calls, though.” The other man still doesn’t push his hand away.
“I’m sure you will be fine.” Wonshik soothes, though he knows nothing at all about the intriguing stranger.
“And you?”
“I’m here with someone,” he says half the truth, “I’m not a model and I don’t want to be. I’m a personal trainer.” The other man’s wonder tapers.
“Ah,” his gaze wanders on Wonshik’s chest and shoulders, and Wonshik feels self-conscious, a hint of pink on his cheeks, “explains why you’re so fit.”
Wonshik’s embarrassment strengthens.
“I’m Hakyeon.” The thought that Hakyeon might want to prod at his muscles just to confirm his fitness makes Wonshik want to burst into a million pieces, and scatter far away.
He doesn’t do it, no matter how much Wonshik prays for it.
Hakyeon shows up to his gym two weeks later, just like he said. During one of their calls, he briefly addressed his resolution that regarded wanting to be more toned, and Wonshik gladly recommended himself as trainer.
He’s seen all the albums on every social network Hakyeon owns. Multiple times. Downloaded a few photos to his phone, as well.
Hakyeon listens obediently to every instruction; he’s a good trainee and a cheeky flirt, Wonshik discovers. When it’s time for light weightlifting, Hakyeon propped on his back and Wonshik testing the weights, Hakyeon lifts Wonshik’s shirt and peeks inside. Wonshik almost drops the dumbbells on his toes. Hakyeon’s offhand comment about how nice his abdominal muscles look makes him want to weep.
Wonshik keeps his hand pressed to Hakyeon’s taut stomach as he does his leg lifts, and the muscles contract under his touch; it’s nothing he hasn’t felt before, yet it makes his heartbeat go in a frenzy.
Turns out Hakyeon is also very flexible. Wonshik tries not to think about any inappropriate scenario. He fails.
He thinks it’s time to tell Hongbin. He has considered it a harmless crush, but it was evolving to something uncontrollable.
“I’ve seen this man a few times before, Hakyeon, is it? He seems sweet,” Hongbin comments, sprawled on Wonshik’s sofa, skipping through Wonshik’s phone and noticing quite the impressive amount of his pictures, “he always talks to others to make them less anxious, even though often times he seems like a nervous wreck himself.”
“I’ve met him a few weeks ago. I’ve been talking to him.” Wonshik kisses Hongbin’s temple, lets him lay on his chest.
“Yeah? Why didn’t you tell me?” Hongbin’s tone isn’t accusatory, but curious.
“I didn’t think it was necessary. I’ve been thinking about him a lot, though. I think I like him.” Hongbin hums, notes the distress in Wonshik’s voice.
“Then you gotta tell him.” He unhelpfully advises, and Wonshik sighs, presses a kiss to his hair.
“I don’t know if he would be alright with this.”
“You gotta try at least, babe.” Wonshik nods, but he isn’t really convinced.
Hakyeon changes the hour of his appointment because of a miscalculated schedule time, and he arrives just before Hongbin finishes with his workout. He watches as Hongbin kisses Wonshik goodbye, chaste and sweet. He freezes in place and looks down, ashamed of his past behavior and his blunt ways of flirting. He’s so flustered that he only shares a meek greeting with Wonshik and proceeds with his workout without saying any other word.
Wonshik’s mood plummets.
A week after, Hakyeon goes for the other trainer present to help him with his workout, even though Wonshik is available.
Wonshik crashes. After a high because of Hakyeon talking to him, being close to him, flirting with him, comes a dire low. He is deplorable, desperate for any kind of attention from Hakyeon. It doesn’t come.
He meets Hakyeon by accident in a grocery shop, learns it is the one he frequents. Hakyeon doesn’t say much besides that, instead excuses himself and Wonshik wants to whack his head for not going after him. He goes to that grocery store almost every day, in hopes he’ll see Hakyeon, even though it’s so far away from his house that he has to drive. He finds out about his address, and drives there every other day to see him leaving in the morning, to catch a glimpse of his face.
He knows it’s wrong and yet he can’t stop.
Hongbin knows he’s miserable. Wonshik sleeps less, eats less, asks for sex more often. He caresses his damp hair, pressing a kiss to his forehead.
“Just try to tell him, somehow.” His voice is scratchy and he brings his hip over Wonshik’s.
“He avoids me all the time.” Wonshik says, and it’s pitiful, pathetic.
“Don’t be stupid,” Hongbin chides, pushing lightly on Wonshik’s head to rest on his chest, “if he really wanted to avoid you, he would stop coming to your gym. It’s quite obvious to me he still wants to be around you.” Wonshik seems to consider his words.
“I don’t want you to end up like Yoobin.” Wonshik doesn’t want that, either. Doesn’t want to end up in a hospital because of whatever eating or sleeping disorder because his longing for Hakyeon was too devastating.
Hongbin’s words instill a dash of hope.
Wonshik doesn’t beat around the bush this time, and asks Hakyeon if he wants to hit the club tonight. They haven’t really talked lately besides exchanging greetings, and Wonshik’s stomach clenches, he wonders if it’s too improper to suggest that. To his immense surprise and delight, Hakyeon doesn’t flat-out reject him, says he needs a little time to think.
By the end of his workout, Hakyeon says he will see him tonight. Wonshik feels ecstatic.
Hakyeon drinks too much. Feels his throat burning and yet he keeps going, and the more he drinks, the more he clings to Wonshik, hand slipping under his shirt when he swoops in to kiss him. Wet and sloppy, and Wonshik feels his desperation, prays it’s not incited only by the alcohol.
“You’re so hot,” Hakyeon slurs, sinks his nails into Wonshik’s waist, “it’s so damn hard not to look at you,” Wonshik feels delirious, and only wants to kiss Hakyeon again, his patience thinning, “not to want to touch you.”
“I thought you were cute from the first time I saw you,” Hakyeon kisses at his jaw, elated and guilty with Wonshik being so yielding, “and then I found out you got a boyfriend,” his laughter rings in Wonshik’s ears, the bitterness of it palpable, “how fucking lucky am I?”
Wonshik takes a taxi home, Hakyeon’s head resting on his shoulder and their fingers laced. Hakyeon feels the guilt even through the daze of alcohol, but he doesn’t care anymore.
Wonshik takes his clothes off, but only to pass him a pair of pajama bottoms and one of his wife beaters. Hakyeon stares at him.
“I don’t want to make love to you when you’re trashed.”
“I’m not. I’m perfectly sober.” He stumbles over the foot of the bed, and Wonshik sighs, walks over to help him.
Later, he has Hakyeon in his embrace, an arm slung over his lithe waist, kissing him, tasting a hint of his peach flavored toothpaste.
They nap for a few hours and Hakyeon wakes up at dawn, traces Wonshik’s lip with his fingertip and doesn’t resist, leans in for a kiss. Wonshik wakes up, grumbles for a second before he remembers he has Hakyeon in his arms, and he relaxes.
“I want to talk to you about Hongbin.” Hakyeon groans, hides his face on his chest.
“I don’t want to talk about him,” he grouses, “I know what we’re doing is wrong, but I don’t care anymore, I want you.”
“Hakyeon.. “ he persuades, cups his cheek and plants a brief kiss on his lips, “I’m not leaving Hongbin and I’m not leaving you, either. Hongbin and I.. we have an open relationship.” He diverts his gaze.
“Polyamory?” Wonshik is surprised, and he tries to school his expression in a less concerned one, “Yes,” he answers truthfully, “you know about it?”
“Yeah.. I heard about it. But I haven’t been in love with anyone polyamorous until now.” Wonshik feels his heart flutter at the words; Hakyeon is thankful the lighting is dim, and Wonshik can’t see the flush on his face.
“Hakyeon, I’m in love with you, too,” Wonshik doesn’t hesitate, holds Hakyeon even closer to him, “but if you can’t accept me like this.. we can’t be together.”
“I might feel jealous at first.” Hakyeon voices his worries and Wonshik burrows his face in his neck, kisses the soft skin. “Everybody is, sometimes,” he sighs, “if it doesn’t work out for you, you just have to tell me. I’m not keeping you beside me if you’ll suffer.”
Wonshik has them all meeting at his house, a week later. Hakyeon is far more nervous than Hongbin is, and Wonshik is more nervous than they both are, combined.
They talk about modelling at first, and Wonshik just watches on. They talk about modelling for hours and Wonshik falls asleep beside Hakyeon on the sofa and they both laugh, mirth evident.
“You know, I definitely think aliens exist,” Hakyeon shares as he munches on popcorn, “this universe is far too large for us to be the only intelligent species.”
“Obviously,” Hongbin agrees, “I only wish I could travel in the Tardis and see all these strange and beautiful other worlds.”
Hakyeon stares, and then his laughter fills the air. “Be one of the Doctor’s assistants, that’s been one of my fervent dreams.”
Hongbin chuckles. It’s been one of his dreams, too.
a few important mentions
limerence - an involuntary state of mind which seems to result from a romantic attraction for another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one’s feelings reciprocated
parrot - another symbol of polyamory is the image of a parrot, since "Polly” is a common name for these birds
*I don’t know anything about modelling, so please excuse if anything in the story about it is off
- a casting call is where models show up by appointment to be considered for a specific job
- a open call is a time specified by an agency for any prospective models (or those interested in becoming models) to show up and be considered for future work
*I’m a whovian (Doctor Who fan) duh
*Yoobin is Hongbin’s ex polyamorous girlfriend
*Wonshik’s parrot is indeed named Buddy, you know he would