(no subject)
one more strike and your out,
it's so sad that im used to this.
it's funny that in 18 and i have a full time job that makes me feel like im 38. it's 545am and ive only slept for four hours tonight...
i have to go and get momma a car in the morning while big mama if getting fixed. meanwhile, momma has to hav a historectomy sometime soon. oy vie!
i want to go to new york and live for three years. who with me????
ATTEN!!!!: mich, amberzzzz, sister, wifey.... im planning a little get together for all of us, ill rolly make it during chirstmas break so no one will have to miss school or anything.
i miss kari, i wonder how she's doing. i hope that the next time i see her, i dont have to explain why i havent been coming around. she's getting married soon and im gonna get her a box of personals for her wedding night... lol, i cant wait to see her the day after!!!!
i need to make time to go see baker, i havent seen him yet and he's been with us for a month now.
it makes me said, when we were little, we had so much better planned for our lives. now, we all just wanna get married and settle down. ive come to the realization that it's all bc we are afarid of being alone.
another thing, screw rachel. i know that when she wakes up one day and needs me, im gonna tell her to find somebody else, becaue that's what i had to do. (not saying that i cant make it on my own it's just that i dont want to).
dont get me wrong, i absoutley love sister, i wouldnt trade her if i had a chance to. i just hate change. sister*, i love you, thanx for looking after me. you know i would always do the same for you. it surprizes me that we are so much alike. sometimes i wonder why we hated eachother so much back in the day. i guess we were to stupid to see the big picture. i cant wait for our trip to florida after christmas.
im so scared that i wont be able to have children. this thought resembles failure to me. there is absoultly nothing else in then world than a little boy. when peopl ask me what i want out of life, i say "a son". this thought keeps me up in the middle of the night. i dont knoiw why im so gun-hoe on having a boy. maybe, it's bc dewayne was never around. i just want to prove to him that i had a daddy in my life that tought me how to raise a man. i hate him so much and ive always wondered why he didnt want me and what did i do to deserve this. i didnt ask dewayne to help my mother conceve me.
i know this is why whenever i get out of a relationship, i find myself going "what's wrong with me?" "why am i the one going through this?" this is why i put up with so much crap that i do.
i understand. i understand that the tribulations i am going through have left deep scares on my and no ones asking whats wrong. i understanmd that rachel isnt my friend anymore. i understand that i have no other choice than to go up, i understand that i just cant wait to have a relationship. in the meantime ill just persue deadend ones. i understand that im not gonna get what i want out of life. i understand that by the time im 30 i will mentally be 55 and ready to give up. i understanmd that with age, my standards have lowered. i understand that i if i dont like it i should change it.
now heres your turn. understand that im going through trials and im at that point where i want to quit. uderstand that i dont need negitivity. understand that, while this is my life, im gonna need help. understand that this is my breaking point.
i cant take this anymore. i cant make everyone happy even im not happy, i know that this is the only life ive got. so with that being said, no one expect to hear from me untill decemeber.
please note that im going through a cleansing routine, if i weed you out then this is goodbye. i suppose i should say thanx for the memories, but its my time now.
it's so sad that im used to this.
it's funny that in 18 and i have a full time job that makes me feel like im 38. it's 545am and ive only slept for four hours tonight...
i have to go and get momma a car in the morning while big mama if getting fixed. meanwhile, momma has to hav a historectomy sometime soon. oy vie!
i want to go to new york and live for three years. who with me????
ATTEN!!!!: mich, amberzzzz, sister, wifey.... im planning a little get together for all of us, ill rolly make it during chirstmas break so no one will have to miss school or anything.
i miss kari, i wonder how she's doing. i hope that the next time i see her, i dont have to explain why i havent been coming around. she's getting married soon and im gonna get her a box of personals for her wedding night... lol, i cant wait to see her the day after!!!!
i need to make time to go see baker, i havent seen him yet and he's been with us for a month now.
it makes me said, when we were little, we had so much better planned for our lives. now, we all just wanna get married and settle down. ive come to the realization that it's all bc we are afarid of being alone.
another thing, screw rachel. i know that when she wakes up one day and needs me, im gonna tell her to find somebody else, becaue that's what i had to do. (not saying that i cant make it on my own it's just that i dont want to).
dont get me wrong, i absoutley love sister, i wouldnt trade her if i had a chance to. i just hate change. sister*, i love you, thanx for looking after me. you know i would always do the same for you. it surprizes me that we are so much alike. sometimes i wonder why we hated eachother so much back in the day. i guess we were to stupid to see the big picture. i cant wait for our trip to florida after christmas.
im so scared that i wont be able to have children. this thought resembles failure to me. there is absoultly nothing else in then world than a little boy. when peopl ask me what i want out of life, i say "a son". this thought keeps me up in the middle of the night. i dont knoiw why im so gun-hoe on having a boy. maybe, it's bc dewayne was never around. i just want to prove to him that i had a daddy in my life that tought me how to raise a man. i hate him so much and ive always wondered why he didnt want me and what did i do to deserve this. i didnt ask dewayne to help my mother conceve me.
i know this is why whenever i get out of a relationship, i find myself going "what's wrong with me?" "why am i the one going through this?" this is why i put up with so much crap that i do.
i understand. i understand that the tribulations i am going through have left deep scares on my and no ones asking whats wrong. i understanmd that rachel isnt my friend anymore. i understand that i have no other choice than to go up, i understand that i just cant wait to have a relationship. in the meantime ill just persue deadend ones. i understand that im not gonna get what i want out of life. i understand that by the time im 30 i will mentally be 55 and ready to give up. i understanmd that with age, my standards have lowered. i understand that i if i dont like it i should change it.
now heres your turn. understand that im going through trials and im at that point where i want to quit. uderstand that i dont need negitivity. understand that, while this is my life, im gonna need help. understand that this is my breaking point.
i cant take this anymore. i cant make everyone happy even im not happy, i know that this is the only life ive got. so with that being said, no one expect to hear from me untill decemeber.
please note that im going through a cleansing routine, if i weed you out then this is goodbye. i suppose i should say thanx for the memories, but its my time now.