(no subject)
Long time no post. Not that I havent thought of LJ but havent been on a comp i felt safe doing so. Ah well, I missed this place.
My head is just spinning around like mad. So many ups and so many downs.
Me and brit got a appt. for next year. well starting August atleast. Thats really kool. A place of our own to do kinda what we want in. Its exciting...
Yet... not at all. I dont want an appt. I really dont. I do how ever want to be with Brit and more so I want Brit to be happy. She really badly wants to get out of the dorms, and her friend who she wanted to room with went and made plans without here. I Know how bad she wanted out of the dorms, including room rentals, so I decided to be her roomate. This is super kool, accept... :-/
Now I have to work a shit load to get enough money, and this I have a strong issue with. Worse then that this means I will be spending it on something STUPID, rent. Thats like someone against pre-marital sex buying a hooker. So now Im stuck with the stress of getting a job, then the stress that comes with working soo much. After that All that money gets to go to lucky rent. plus I need to finish giving here money for the van and now GAH! She was hell bent on insurance and now Im paying insurance... which too i fucking stupid. I dont believe in insurance. And I dont even like driving(other then occasionally).
All aside, It is, i have to admit, super kool to be able to live with brit in our own place, to do with(to a point), what we want. It makes me happy to be with her, her happy to be with me and out of the dorms, and parents happy for me to be off the "streets." It will be fun though :-) ... just..
I guess the other thoughts running in my head have to deal with an issue i hadnt thought would be a prob.
Sex. I was informed, in away, that brit isnt Exactly the most sexualy experamental. That would be fine but I am. My sexuality is a big part of who I am. Has been long before I even had sex.
I mean, I had always said for instance, after I have sex for the first time I would have sex with everyone I could(that i find decent and respectable). It didnt happen that way. Thats not so bad, cept when we started going out she was all experamental and daring, or atleast made it sound like that. and shes not anymore. I dont mean just group sex or multiple partners or what not but roleplaying, bdsm, fetishes, public sex, porn(?), play piercings.
I cant help that I am interested in trying all that but you only live once and i want to experiance everything I can(within my moral limits). I can be happy for now, or maybe for ever... But I have a feeling sooner or later It will start to cause some issues and that could be really bad. I dont want us to start fighting, especially over something that is sposta be so possitive.
She is so amazing and importent to me. I just dont want to loose her because of this (now or the far future)
My relationship with my family is gottin really good. They still drive me nuts, I cant go to a "mess" after being with my dad or grandma without freaking out, and my mom still pushes school, but there hasnt been any fighting or anything in a while. I like it.
My sister is still a book worm but less depressed (she was depressed) now, so that great.
Brother is less depressed(same) but has turned to WOW. He wount be reading the book I bought him... that hurts a bit
Other sister is doing good i think. We talk occasionaly. She lost her job and is looking for new ones now. :-/
Grandma is the same as usual. just grandma. cept she too has some big are medical bills to pay, so she had to start working again.
Dad lost his job and his life is going down the shitter(so it seems) and as always he has resorted to buying things to feel better(i think). It is how ever a great chance for him to get his own act together and start doing something he is interested in.
NIU had a shooting. I wount get into all of that but; Although I know people are grieving and trying to be possitive, but if I hear any more about it I will kick my face in. I dont mean to sound heartless(hence i keep my mouth shut) but there are SOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo many worse things going on in this world, for everyone to focus on 5 kids dying at college is beyound horrid in my mind. wars, bombings, poverty, genocide, ECOCIDE! and the mass extinction caused by a single species(US). It just makes me sad because I never see the same amount of attention given to these topics. Maybe its people trying not to look at those things due to them being such depressing subjects... but that doesnt make them go away.
Id go into Monica and how I think shes a wounderfull person, but.... or the Michelle and a best friend from the past, key word being.... But all of that is pointless cuz I cant do anything about them. They are who they are and I will try and except them for them, but sometimes its harder then others
In all I havent gone camping in awhile and Im loosing what little mind I have left
My head is just spinning around like mad. So many ups and so many downs.
Me and brit got a appt. for next year. well starting August atleast. Thats really kool. A place of our own to do kinda what we want in. Its exciting...
Yet... not at all. I dont want an appt. I really dont. I do how ever want to be with Brit and more so I want Brit to be happy. She really badly wants to get out of the dorms, and her friend who she wanted to room with went and made plans without here. I Know how bad she wanted out of the dorms, including room rentals, so I decided to be her roomate. This is super kool, accept... :-/
Now I have to work a shit load to get enough money, and this I have a strong issue with. Worse then that this means I will be spending it on something STUPID, rent. Thats like someone against pre-marital sex buying a hooker. So now Im stuck with the stress of getting a job, then the stress that comes with working soo much. After that All that money gets to go to lucky rent. plus I need to finish giving here money for the van and now GAH! She was hell bent on insurance and now Im paying insurance... which too i fucking stupid. I dont believe in insurance. And I dont even like driving(other then occasionally).
All aside, It is, i have to admit, super kool to be able to live with brit in our own place, to do with(to a point), what we want. It makes me happy to be with her, her happy to be with me and out of the dorms, and parents happy for me to be off the "streets." It will be fun though :-) ... just..
I guess the other thoughts running in my head have to deal with an issue i hadnt thought would be a prob.
Sex. I was informed, in away, that brit isnt Exactly the most sexualy experamental. That would be fine but I am. My sexuality is a big part of who I am. Has been long before I even had sex.
I mean, I had always said for instance, after I have sex for the first time I would have sex with everyone I could(that i find decent and respectable). It didnt happen that way. Thats not so bad, cept when we started going out she was all experamental and daring, or atleast made it sound like that. and shes not anymore. I dont mean just group sex or multiple partners or what not but roleplaying, bdsm, fetishes, public sex, porn(?), play piercings.
I cant help that I am interested in trying all that but you only live once and i want to experiance everything I can(within my moral limits). I can be happy for now, or maybe for ever... But I have a feeling sooner or later It will start to cause some issues and that could be really bad. I dont want us to start fighting, especially over something that is sposta be so possitive.
She is so amazing and importent to me. I just dont want to loose her because of this (now or the far future)
My relationship with my family is gottin really good. They still drive me nuts, I cant go to a "mess" after being with my dad or grandma without freaking out, and my mom still pushes school, but there hasnt been any fighting or anything in a while. I like it.
My sister is still a book worm but less depressed (she was depressed) now, so that great.
Brother is less depressed(same) but has turned to WOW. He wount be reading the book I bought him... that hurts a bit
Other sister is doing good i think. We talk occasionaly. She lost her job and is looking for new ones now. :-/
Grandma is the same as usual. just grandma. cept she too has some big are medical bills to pay, so she had to start working again.
Dad lost his job and his life is going down the shitter(so it seems) and as always he has resorted to buying things to feel better(i think). It is how ever a great chance for him to get his own act together and start doing something he is interested in.
NIU had a shooting. I wount get into all of that but; Although I know people are grieving and trying to be possitive, but if I hear any more about it I will kick my face in. I dont mean to sound heartless(hence i keep my mouth shut) but there are SOOOOOOOOoooooooooooo many worse things going on in this world, for everyone to focus on 5 kids dying at college is beyound horrid in my mind. wars, bombings, poverty, genocide, ECOCIDE! and the mass extinction caused by a single species(US). It just makes me sad because I never see the same amount of attention given to these topics. Maybe its people trying not to look at those things due to them being such depressing subjects... but that doesnt make them go away.
Id go into Monica and how I think shes a wounderfull person, but.... or the Michelle and a best friend from the past, key word being.... But all of that is pointless cuz I cant do anything about them. They are who they are and I will try and except them for them, but sometimes its harder then others
In all I havent gone camping in awhile and Im loosing what little mind I have left