(no subject)
i felt as if i was shipped off to work my heart out on the thing i love most. i left my friends and family behind and started new and fresh in new york. ok so maybe i am overexaggerating. Yes i did agree on going but the shock of actually doing it is what made me come back to this journal. The big city is a change for the best in my career as a model. i had my first show the day i got there. The clothes were exposing but comforting all in one. i suprised myself with being so comfortable ....well actually its when i feel most comfortable (runway and stage). Last night i went to see the Fiddler on the Roof, extraordinary, and stop at what i think is the most centering place made, Sephora, haha. Got some shit and went back to my lovely penthouse overlooking the city. Today i woke up laid around and finally i got dressed to write to you.
If i could ever express what i feel today it wouldnt be previlaged enough to be written down, or even in a book, its has all the feelings of a good romance movie. The feeling of doubt, eagerness to find the answer, and the feeling of relief that you found what you have been looking for. The problem is i found what i have been looking for its the persistance of keeping it. I love you, but its more than that. i live for you. 6 months of my life i have dedicated to you and no one else, and i want to feel as if you understand how i feel. If you really look at it, i dont think i could live without you, and thats something i have never experienced before. I was independent before i met you, not depending on anyone but myself to make me happy. jealousy was something that i didnt feel everyday, its pretty sad about how jealous i get, so i have decided to prove my love and dedication to you, i will trust in you and not be so shooken up by every small thing. As you once said to me " the reason why i get mad at you so much is because i care so much more about you than anyone else." Its taken me 6 months to understand that. Im so sorry for yelling and getting shitty all the time, its hard for me you have to understand. Someone who can come and care so much about me and i care so much about him, is so much more than i could ask for. I dont think i could have found a better match. I also want to be more open and communiative in our relationship because as you say its very important. im going to stop holding back and being afraid of what could happen and what cant. I want you to understand that i am here for whatever reason or thing you need. When im not with you i feel like im stuck....what do i do next? you know? but i have found my place here in newyork and im waiting for you to come up here or me to come home. Its nice to smile, when i get your phone call at night, but id rather have you here with me or next to me and hold me tight. i got to let you know i feel so weak without your touch, i never thought that i could ever love a man so much, i got to let you know i think that we are destiny, for you id cross the world, for you id do anything.
break it down now tell you what i feel, from the moment that i met you its been so damn real, my heart seems to skip another beat everytime we speak, i cant believe i feel so weak. tell me that you really need me,and you want me, and you miss me and you love me, im your lady, ill be around waiting for you put it down im the woman for you. Im falling so deep for you, crazy over you.
i love you aaron. forever and always.
If i could ever express what i feel today it wouldnt be previlaged enough to be written down, or even in a book, its has all the feelings of a good romance movie. The feeling of doubt, eagerness to find the answer, and the feeling of relief that you found what you have been looking for. The problem is i found what i have been looking for its the persistance of keeping it. I love you, but its more than that. i live for you. 6 months of my life i have dedicated to you and no one else, and i want to feel as if you understand how i feel. If you really look at it, i dont think i could live without you, and thats something i have never experienced before. I was independent before i met you, not depending on anyone but myself to make me happy. jealousy was something that i didnt feel everyday, its pretty sad about how jealous i get, so i have decided to prove my love and dedication to you, i will trust in you and not be so shooken up by every small thing. As you once said to me " the reason why i get mad at you so much is because i care so much more about you than anyone else." Its taken me 6 months to understand that. Im so sorry for yelling and getting shitty all the time, its hard for me you have to understand. Someone who can come and care so much about me and i care so much about him, is so much more than i could ask for. I dont think i could have found a better match. I also want to be more open and communiative in our relationship because as you say its very important. im going to stop holding back and being afraid of what could happen and what cant. I want you to understand that i am here for whatever reason or thing you need. When im not with you i feel like im stuck....what do i do next? you know? but i have found my place here in newyork and im waiting for you to come up here or me to come home. Its nice to smile, when i get your phone call at night, but id rather have you here with me or next to me and hold me tight. i got to let you know i feel so weak without your touch, i never thought that i could ever love a man so much, i got to let you know i think that we are destiny, for you id cross the world, for you id do anything.
break it down now tell you what i feel, from the moment that i met you its been so damn real, my heart seems to skip another beat everytime we speak, i cant believe i feel so weak. tell me that you really need me,and you want me, and you miss me and you love me, im your lady, ill be around waiting for you put it down im the woman for you. Im falling so deep for you, crazy over you.
i love you aaron. forever and always.