(no subject)
I hate when I get like this, but I've been feeling some anxiety about my life lately, especially when it comes to my love life and how it affects choices I make. I've learned to do what's best for me and aim for accomplishing my goals first. This has come after much heartache and it's something I firmly want to stick to. It doesn't mean that I don't still want to meet someone who can "wow" me.
My life has so much potential that I could explode and yet I don't feel like I'm getting anything worth while done. I've got the fundementals of life down, but I'm not doing anything great and I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. I've lost my job and I don't know what I'm going to do for money, so really all this relationship/boy stuff should be the last thing on my mind. It seems that the dating world found me this summer though and I haven't had much choice other than to do it whilest I can. It's been fun anyway, but I'm starting to feel like Kerry from Sex and the City.
I've come to a new cross road and I'm realizing that my ideals for the future may be changing.
My ideals for momentary happiness are changing too.
I'm realizing that I can be happy dating someone who I don't want to stay with. That's not to say that I'd like to be that way forever, but for now it fills a void and honestly I'm happier with that than with nothing. For the first time, I'm just enjoying someone's company because he is there and not because I can see an ideal future with him and I would have thought that a waste before or tried to convince myself that I could see a future when I knew damn well I couldn't. Well, at least I've learned to be honest with myself.
Now that's the effect, but the cause was actually someone else who I can see an ideal future with. Go figure. Not being able to have him right now, but knowing the possibility is there for the future, is so frustrating. When you know it's good and right with someone and you make each other happy, then aren't you supposed to do the right thing and be with them and do anything to make it work? Well, that's how it is in the movies. What is right for me now just can't be that and it's disappointing, but I can't let it make me unhappy.
I've adjusted because of my circumstances, but it has surprised me. I never would have expected myself to go in this direction. However, it is refreshing. There's no need to stress about the relationship. I hope that I don't turn into some maneater though. I like being a romantic, and I really don't wanna loose hope that my ideal man is out there. I like having something to daydream about, but it would be nice if someday those dreams came true.
My life has so much potential that I could explode and yet I don't feel like I'm getting anything worth while done. I've got the fundementals of life down, but I'm not doing anything great and I feel like I'm moving in slow motion. I've lost my job and I don't know what I'm going to do for money, so really all this relationship/boy stuff should be the last thing on my mind. It seems that the dating world found me this summer though and I haven't had much choice other than to do it whilest I can. It's been fun anyway, but I'm starting to feel like Kerry from Sex and the City.
I've come to a new cross road and I'm realizing that my ideals for the future may be changing.
My ideals for momentary happiness are changing too.
I'm realizing that I can be happy dating someone who I don't want to stay with. That's not to say that I'd like to be that way forever, but for now it fills a void and honestly I'm happier with that than with nothing. For the first time, I'm just enjoying someone's company because he is there and not because I can see an ideal future with him and I would have thought that a waste before or tried to convince myself that I could see a future when I knew damn well I couldn't. Well, at least I've learned to be honest with myself.
Now that's the effect, but the cause was actually someone else who I can see an ideal future with. Go figure. Not being able to have him right now, but knowing the possibility is there for the future, is so frustrating. When you know it's good and right with someone and you make each other happy, then aren't you supposed to do the right thing and be with them and do anything to make it work? Well, that's how it is in the movies. What is right for me now just can't be that and it's disappointing, but I can't let it make me unhappy.
I've adjusted because of my circumstances, but it has surprised me. I never would have expected myself to go in this direction. However, it is refreshing. There's no need to stress about the relationship. I hope that I don't turn into some maneater though. I like being a romantic, and I really don't wanna loose hope that my ideal man is out there. I like having something to daydream about, but it would be nice if someday those dreams came true.