I must insist

[bouncing_bunny]

I have some thoughts running through my mind that I had to fashion into words. I wrote them down and decided to post them to see what the feedback would be. I was curious. If you want to read my thoughts, my myspace url is myspace.com/frailandfragilebars

Comments

[darthfury]

Your post asked many questions, and I cannot answer or begin to answer them without a long post of my own, so I will sum up my thoughts here. However, if asked directly about any one of them, I may be able to form a half-decent answer.

Love becomes real when two people choose for it to be real. Love can grow stronger. You ask if love grows stronger, was it not love before? To that I say, If a sapling grows into a mighty oak, was it not still a tree all along?

Time should never be spent pining for someone (though I confess to hypocrisy on several counts here). One must move on, because if they left you pining, then they weren't worth it in the first place.

Love becomes more than lust or infatutation when two people choose to make it more. Beyond that, I'm not sure what to say

[bouncing_bunny]

So you can choose who to love then? How is that true love. Shouldn't it happen on it's own? People can't make feelings appear if they aren't true. Love is not a tree. It is not a phyiscal thing at all. It is a concept, and idea that manifests itself in actions, thoughts, and feelings.

[darthfury]

Love doesn't happen on its own, it never can. Lust, infatutation, those are naturally occuring. It's when people feel that they've made a deeper connection, or want to make a deeper one, that's when it can become love.

The choice is in the making of true love. Understand: i don't mean "choice" in the simple what-do-i-wear-today or which-flavor-of-ice-cream-will-i-get sense, but a deeper one. when every fiber of your being is put into wanting to understand this person, to grow old with them, to be happy with them. That's what i mean when i say choice

[bouncing_bunny]

Then that's not a choice at all if everything you are wants it. You don't choose that. It happens without your consent. If you love someone with everything you are then you can't help who it is you love. You can hide your feelings, but they are still there, buried inside. But you can't decide who you will love and then not. It isn't a conscience choice, it is something that is decided with your heart. I can't ever agree on love being a choice of someone wanting to be closer to another. Some you just click with more than others. You can make the choice on being closer to them, but you can't choose to love them. Love is above the decisions of the mind.

[darthfury]

Just because your heart is the one choosing doesn't make it not a choice. You make the choice and the choice makes you. They are both at once.

Love is not above the mind. Love without mind is not love. Love is bound by heart, mind, body, sprit. It is every reflection.

[bouncing_bunny]

I didn't mean that love is above the mind, you must have some connection there... I meant that the choice of love is above your mind.
"The heart is beyond the control of the mind. It has pangs that even my mind can't shut out."
If love was a conscience choice people wouldn't continue to love those who hurt them in the past. Why would people choose to love those who would never return the sentiment?

[darthfury]

At no point have i said that love is a conscious choice. In fact, I've been stressing quite the opposite.

But people who continue to pine for those who do not love them are afraid. They are afraid to move on, for fear that moving on makes everything that came before meaningless. And they also fear, by extension, that if they let someone else in, that new love might become meaningless in time as well, hurting them once more.

[bouncing_bunny]

Love should never be able to disappear if it's true love. If you love someone and they love you in return, and then they decide they don't love you any longer. Then it wasn't true love in the first place. Love doesn't alter with the passage of time. Love doesn't bend, nor does it fade away. Those types of "love" aren't love at all. I don't think people should long for a love from someone who will never give it. But if they truly loved that person, then that love can't disappear even if they wish it. That doesn't mean that they don't know that a relationship between them is impossible and not intelligent. The feeling is still there no matter what. You can't wish it away. You can bury it inside, but you can't just make it go away.

[darthfury]

If you love someone and they love you in return, and then they decide they don't love you any longer. Then it wasn't true love in the first place

I don't think people should long for a love from someone who will never give it. But if they truly loved that person, then that love can't disappear even if they wish it.

you seem to contradict yourself here. the love has to be both ways. if the second person isn't feeling anything for the first, then by your own definition there isn't any real love

[bouncing_bunny]

You can love someone who doesn't love you back... It isn't an ideal situation, but you can. It does cause heartbreak, but it's love all the same, at least from one side.
You can't control love. You can't say I want to love someone one day and then years down the line (or less) say I don't love them. That wasn't love in the first place. Love is forever.

[darthfury]

I'm sorry, but loving someone who doesn't love you back isn't love and never will be. It's only pain. I've been there more than once before: Erin, Lindsay, and others... No, that is NOT love

[darthfury]

If it was just pain then you didn't truly love them in the first place. If it was real love, then you would still love them no matter how they hurt you. You would forgive them for the pain and continue with your life. But you would still love that person. You would still smile when you thought of that person. If you truly loved that person you would wish him/her well and hope that they are happy.
True love never dies. It continues on the end of time.

"Love is not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come.
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out.. even to the edge of doom."

[darthfury]

This was Crystal^^^^^^

love?

[miyukicat]

now im not sureabout the whole story here but....

love? if you loved someone then why would the thought of ever hurting that person cross your mind. you just wake up and decide no i dont love that person anymore? no that is just your lust having been sedated....and now your done with them. no thats not love or anything close to it. even if in beieliving you loved someone and a realization hit you that you didnt it would still pain you to tell the person the truth..... but to blankly stare at them and say " yea well wehad fun" no that was never love just a sick game

Re: love?

[bouncing_bunny]

Okers, first, thank you for your thouhgts as that was what I was trying to say before.
Second, I know about what you're talking about. And I wanted you to know I never said "I love you" to him. I told him that I didn't want to say something like that unless it was true. And I hate the fact that he was hurt. I didn't want to. In fact I have tried to think about what is wrong with me to have done that. Loads of self-pity and self-hatred. I really think something is wrong for me to have done this, but he doesn't think so.