(no subject)
I've a friend who in some ways can kind of be high-maintenance. Let's call him Bob, for the ease of discussion. Bob is intelligent and often witty, he loves a good meal and when he's in the mood for fun he can be unapologetically foolish. He's also prone to being oversensitive and maudlin at times, and still isn't over his teenagey angst of "not fitting in". Bob took me to a party to introduce me to a couple he's friends with awhile back and prior to going in he said, "Don't worry, they'll like you... They'll probably like you better than they like me."
I did get along well with Bob's friends (let's call them Stanley and Murgatroyd), and on many occasions Bob and I have returned there for dinner or gone out with them for breakfast. I've also has a couple of meals with them alone and house/pet sat for them and helped them paint their new house. Of course now it feels like I have to try that extra little bit harder to make sure that Bob doesn't think he's being ousted from the friendship or that they tolerate him only because they like me. It isn't so much specific things that Bob has done or said, just little issues of demeanor more than anything else. I know that I'm not alone in feeling this, Murgatroyd has commented along the same lines, and always makes a point of inviting Bob separately from me.
Awhile ago I got a call from Murgatroyd; he was looking for my help. Stanley had been informed that morning of the death of one of his parents and needed a ride to the airport. When I told Bob about it after the fact, letting him know that Stanley had just lost a parent, Bob's first words were, "Well he didn't say anything to *me*." He acted insulted that he wasn't informed. I was pretty pissed off about that reaction, but more or less let it go, gently reminding Bob that Stanley took his flight only hours after finding out and thus hadn't had the opportunity to mention it.
Thanksgiving is coming upon us, and Stanley and Murgatroyd have invited me for dinner. Murgatroyd mentioned that he had invited Bob as well, but Bob was apparently having company and thus refused the invitation. It was the first I had heard: I was under the impression that Bob was going to be out of town. I made conversation about it, but when I asked Bob who was visiting, he just sort of shook his head at me. I still don't know who Bob's company is, or if there is one friend or multiple. It's a big secret.
The thing that gets me, of course, is that double standard. Bob wants to be included and gets all offended if he thinks that somehow my friendship with Stanley and Murgatroyd overshadows his, but then he's got his secret company for Thanksgiving. It's not like I'm angling for invite, nor would I invade, but I'm not even to know the name of the visitor or if it's even a single or multiple visitors. It's just a little too weird and too self-serving or something to me. How is it that Bob can feel fine about laying a guilt-trip on folks that they're not friends *enough* with him, while simultaneously hiding portions of his life and blocking out those same folks he's making demands on?
I just don't understand people.
I did get along well with Bob's friends (let's call them Stanley and Murgatroyd), and on many occasions Bob and I have returned there for dinner or gone out with them for breakfast. I've also has a couple of meals with them alone and house/pet sat for them and helped them paint their new house. Of course now it feels like I have to try that extra little bit harder to make sure that Bob doesn't think he's being ousted from the friendship or that they tolerate him only because they like me. It isn't so much specific things that Bob has done or said, just little issues of demeanor more than anything else. I know that I'm not alone in feeling this, Murgatroyd has commented along the same lines, and always makes a point of inviting Bob separately from me.
Awhile ago I got a call from Murgatroyd; he was looking for my help. Stanley had been informed that morning of the death of one of his parents and needed a ride to the airport. When I told Bob about it after the fact, letting him know that Stanley had just lost a parent, Bob's first words were, "Well he didn't say anything to *me*." He acted insulted that he wasn't informed. I was pretty pissed off about that reaction, but more or less let it go, gently reminding Bob that Stanley took his flight only hours after finding out and thus hadn't had the opportunity to mention it.
Thanksgiving is coming upon us, and Stanley and Murgatroyd have invited me for dinner. Murgatroyd mentioned that he had invited Bob as well, but Bob was apparently having company and thus refused the invitation. It was the first I had heard: I was under the impression that Bob was going to be out of town. I made conversation about it, but when I asked Bob who was visiting, he just sort of shook his head at me. I still don't know who Bob's company is, or if there is one friend or multiple. It's a big secret.
The thing that gets me, of course, is that double standard. Bob wants to be included and gets all offended if he thinks that somehow my friendship with Stanley and Murgatroyd overshadows his, but then he's got his secret company for Thanksgiving. It's not like I'm angling for invite, nor would I invade, but I'm not even to know the name of the visitor or if it's even a single or multiple visitors. It's just a little too weird and too self-serving or something to me. How is it that Bob can feel fine about laying a guilt-trip on folks that they're not friends *enough* with him, while simultaneously hiding portions of his life and blocking out those same folks he's making demands on?
I just don't understand people.