Buy a bulldozer today
I realised something really disturbing today.... trees aren't the friends we think they are. I know what you're thinking, "Cadby, you're a fucking idiot, trees turn our own CO2 emissions into clean oxygen. Stop crapping on trees, they're good". And i'd say you have a good point. But, have you ever found yourself suddenly tangled up in vines, or in the grip of some wiry, pointy, prickly tree. I have. And it made me think of the motive the tree may have of holding me in its possession. Let's wind back 5000 years. You're a prehistoric man running from some half wolf half horse creature through the forrest. You think your losing him and then, suddenly, you get trapped in the thick foliage of some bush from hell and you can't escape. Time's running out. You can hear the beast getting nearer but the tree gives no respite. You plead to be unwrapped but the tree in unforgiving and then......you're dead. The beast devours what he wants of your body and the scraps are left lying at the trees' base. As your body slowly decomposes, vitamins, minerals, even water sink into the soil. And who's there to suck back up those precious vitals that were once a part of you? That's right, the predators companion, the fuckin tree.
So don't hug a fucking tree. Trees want you TO DIE!!!
So don't hug a fucking tree. Trees want you TO DIE!!!