i fought the law and the law won...
it comes in waves.
seconds, minutes, hours, days... and then it's gone and i'm myself again.
it's no longer the waves that are important, it's the intervals between them.
so my grandma passed away at 3:19pm today. my mom's mom. 2005 fucking rules guys let me tell you. i'm thankful that i wasn't that close with her because i couldn't go through another loss like before. but at the same time the fact that i wasn't really close with my grandma is upsetting in its own right.
so i'm officially teaching little kids how to fight. really i'm coaching wrestling at bogle junior high but it sounds cooler the first way. today was my first practice and the "real" coach had me run the entire thing, he just did whatever i said... it was sick. the kids are probably going to hate me because i call them all maggots and say they are wasting my air by breathing... no i'm just kidding they hate me because i molest them.
so check this out...
Adam vs. Ugly, Smelly, Loud Breathing Idiot
i only have one class on mondays, it's accounting... i go thinking "hey this can't be too bad cuz i'm done right after it." mix-up and i went to the wrong place but i make it to my class about 5-10 late... there are pretty much no seats in this class of 250 or so but i find two empty seats right next to each other and i'm freaking stoked cuz the seats at ASU have little tabletops that fold out on the right armrest so that you can take notes and so i walk into this row and leave the seat to my right free so that i can write without bumping into someone or anything... so i go to sit down and right as i'm sitting down i realize i've been being followed by this dude... so i'm like, fuck it no big deal... until i sit down and the dude jacks my fucking armrest... oh yes, you see it's polite for everyone to just accept the fact that you get the right armrest because it has the tabletop, but no, not this guy, he wants both of them... thinking quickly i get out my notebook and tell him to move his arm so i can put up the tabletop... he moves, i put it up, he goes right back to jacking my armrest... at this point i've realized that the fucking stench is him, and i'm really annoyed now, because it's that kind of smell that although isn't enough to make you gag or anything, it's the kind that you never really get accustomed to, you will always smell it... and i was going crazy. i had to think of a plan to get this armrest back... but i knew i was dealing with a retard... i'm not saying this to just be spiteful... while the dudes arm is seriously an inch away from mine he starts typing some text messages... one of them read "are you wanna go to the gym at 2 in the afternoon?" don't need to point out that it sounds like he has down syndrome, but really, who the fuck would go to the gym at 2 in the morning, why even add that in? so i'm dealing with an intellectual reject apparently.
it defininately gets worse...
not only does the dude smell and he jacked my armrest... but he has this weird breathing pattern... like every other breath he takes is really deep... no big deal right? WRONG... because every time he takes a deep breath in, he lets it out entirely through his big ass nostrils which direct it right on to my fucking arm... yes, that's right... every 10 seconds the dude lets out a big fucking stream of air from his dirty ass nose, right on to my arm, which is resting entirely on the tabletop, no armrest for me cuz that douchebag has taken it all. now the entire time this guy has been chewing gum like a cow and it is so freaking loud i wanted to rip off his freaking lips, and he has his pack of orbit gum sitting on his unused tabletop... what does he do? well, he takes out another piece, spits his old one into the wrapper and puts the new one in his fat mouth... what's so wrong about wanting a fresh piece of gum? he does this 3 more times in a class that is 1 hour and 15 minutes long...
time to fight back...
so the guy is obviously an inconsiderate jackass and so the second time he reaches to his pocket for a piece of gum i snake the armrest, my rightful armrest, back from him... does this slow down captain vaginal secretion? not one bit, he leans forward and puts his fucking arm on my tabletop... right next to my notebook... WHAT THE FUCK?!?! so i'm really going crazy, but i realize that my notebook is brand new and the edges are still sharp, so i act like i'm repositioning my notebook and i slam the corner into the fuckers arm... i knew that shit hurt too cuz he like yanked his arm away all quick like you do if you touch something hot... he went to go back to the armrest but he was too late because by now i had my arm layed entirely along the length of the armrest and up onto the tabletop even... i could sense his bewilderment... it was almost like the dude couldn't locate his penis. he sat the rest of class shifting his weight around and not ever getting comfortable. i win bitch. game. set. match.
too bad i couldn't concentrate at all during this class and didn't learn shit.
seconds, minutes, hours, days... and then it's gone and i'm myself again.
it's no longer the waves that are important, it's the intervals between them.
so my grandma passed away at 3:19pm today. my mom's mom. 2005 fucking rules guys let me tell you. i'm thankful that i wasn't that close with her because i couldn't go through another loss like before. but at the same time the fact that i wasn't really close with my grandma is upsetting in its own right.
so i'm officially teaching little kids how to fight. really i'm coaching wrestling at bogle junior high but it sounds cooler the first way. today was my first practice and the "real" coach had me run the entire thing, he just did whatever i said... it was sick. the kids are probably going to hate me because i call them all maggots and say they are wasting my air by breathing... no i'm just kidding they hate me because i molest them.
so check this out...
Adam vs. Ugly, Smelly, Loud Breathing Idiot
i only have one class on mondays, it's accounting... i go thinking "hey this can't be too bad cuz i'm done right after it." mix-up and i went to the wrong place but i make it to my class about 5-10 late... there are pretty much no seats in this class of 250 or so but i find two empty seats right next to each other and i'm freaking stoked cuz the seats at ASU have little tabletops that fold out on the right armrest so that you can take notes and so i walk into this row and leave the seat to my right free so that i can write without bumping into someone or anything... so i go to sit down and right as i'm sitting down i realize i've been being followed by this dude... so i'm like, fuck it no big deal... until i sit down and the dude jacks my fucking armrest... oh yes, you see it's polite for everyone to just accept the fact that you get the right armrest because it has the tabletop, but no, not this guy, he wants both of them... thinking quickly i get out my notebook and tell him to move his arm so i can put up the tabletop... he moves, i put it up, he goes right back to jacking my armrest... at this point i've realized that the fucking stench is him, and i'm really annoyed now, because it's that kind of smell that although isn't enough to make you gag or anything, it's the kind that you never really get accustomed to, you will always smell it... and i was going crazy. i had to think of a plan to get this armrest back... but i knew i was dealing with a retard... i'm not saying this to just be spiteful... while the dudes arm is seriously an inch away from mine he starts typing some text messages... one of them read "are you wanna go to the gym at 2 in the afternoon?" don't need to point out that it sounds like he has down syndrome, but really, who the fuck would go to the gym at 2 in the morning, why even add that in? so i'm dealing with an intellectual reject apparently.
it defininately gets worse...
not only does the dude smell and he jacked my armrest... but he has this weird breathing pattern... like every other breath he takes is really deep... no big deal right? WRONG... because every time he takes a deep breath in, he lets it out entirely through his big ass nostrils which direct it right on to my fucking arm... yes, that's right... every 10 seconds the dude lets out a big fucking stream of air from his dirty ass nose, right on to my arm, which is resting entirely on the tabletop, no armrest for me cuz that douchebag has taken it all. now the entire time this guy has been chewing gum like a cow and it is so freaking loud i wanted to rip off his freaking lips, and he has his pack of orbit gum sitting on his unused tabletop... what does he do? well, he takes out another piece, spits his old one into the wrapper and puts the new one in his fat mouth... what's so wrong about wanting a fresh piece of gum? he does this 3 more times in a class that is 1 hour and 15 minutes long...
time to fight back...
so the guy is obviously an inconsiderate jackass and so the second time he reaches to his pocket for a piece of gum i snake the armrest, my rightful armrest, back from him... does this slow down captain vaginal secretion? not one bit, he leans forward and puts his fucking arm on my tabletop... right next to my notebook... WHAT THE FUCK?!?! so i'm really going crazy, but i realize that my notebook is brand new and the edges are still sharp, so i act like i'm repositioning my notebook and i slam the corner into the fuckers arm... i knew that shit hurt too cuz he like yanked his arm away all quick like you do if you touch something hot... he went to go back to the armrest but he was too late because by now i had my arm layed entirely along the length of the armrest and up onto the tabletop even... i could sense his bewilderment... it was almost like the dude couldn't locate his penis. he sat the rest of class shifting his weight around and not ever getting comfortable. i win bitch. game. set. match.
too bad i couldn't concentrate at all during this class and didn't learn shit.