My friend, I believe that someday you'll stop slicing yourself, and strangely, it will break your heart a little, but just a little.
I remember reading up on self injury, and some people (it's almost always women who do this) would go so far as to cut off fingers or even their hands, break bones by dropping something heavy on themselves or using their own body weight as leverage, or pierce themselves straight through the bicep. Some of them hit something vital and bleed to death. I won't question the scars I see on you, although I notice them. I know you're processing yourself (because what other word can you use to talk about a mechanical action?). But if and when you want help to stop, you can let me know, and I'll help you keep count of your clean days. For me, it's been just two and a half months shy of four years. Woot!
julie you are an amazing person. its taken me a while to actually follow the link and then another while to process the contents of the link.
i wish i could be as eloquent as you about things this toughh in nature. i usually just crazy chicken scratch record the moment in my hand written journal and tend to not look at it again. blogging it doesnt have the same effect because i cant blot the blood on the paper for emphasis and reminder.
the last time was march 3rd. so its been...57 days? before that it was mid december. ive never been much for counting days. i really only count the significant moments. when i know im gone right past the line and far into "i shouldnt be here". i dont count the minor lash outs - punching something till it hurts. picking or pinching, etc etc. i often dont realize thats what it was until after i do it.
anyhow im not really sure what the point of that ^ is, other than to get it out.
either way youre still and always have been an awesome and amazing person. <3
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I remember reading up on self injury, and some people (it's almost always women who do this) would go so far as to cut off fingers or even their hands, break bones by dropping something heavy on themselves or using their own body weight as leverage, or pierce themselves straight through the bicep. Some of them hit something vital and bleed to death. I won't question the scars I see on you, although I notice them. I know you're processing yourself (because what other word can you use to talk about a mechanical action?). But if and when you want help to stop, you can let me know, and I'll help you keep count of your clean days. For me, it's been just two and a half months shy of four years. Woot!
I Love You! HUGS!
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i wish i could be as eloquent as you about things this toughh in nature. i usually just crazy chicken scratch record the moment in my hand written journal and tend to not look at it again. blogging it doesnt have the same effect because i cant blot the blood on the paper for emphasis and reminder.
the last time was march 3rd. so its been...57 days? before that it was mid december. ive never been much for counting days. i really only count the significant moments. when i know im gone right past the line and far into "i shouldnt be here". i dont count the minor lash outs - punching something till it hurts. picking or pinching, etc etc. i often dont realize thats what it was until after i do it.
anyhow im not really sure what the point of that ^ is, other than to get it out.
either way youre still and always have been an awesome and amazing person. <3
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