And I'm back! From outer space!
Sort of. Right.
...
Anyway, I don't have much to say. Or, I don't have anything to say. I guess that's a major reason why I'm updating. I used to update with absolutely nothing to say at all quite often, and if I can get into that habit again maybe I'll start posting more...
Getting more and more hours at work. Ugh. And I have four days to get my AP English project synopsis emailed to Mrs. Gatewood. But if I have to decide between either Computer Information Systems and AP English, I'm going to go with computers. She won't make it easy to drop, though... "I am so glad you are with me. I have been telling everyone about your AP
score, and your "smart" decision to be in my class. Good job, girl."
Last year. Really.
There's something to talk about. This was high school. My high school life is nearly over. Where the hell did it go? What the hell happened with my "formative" years?! Three years, and I still feel like a lost little lamb. Did I miss out on anything by not "joining a social group" and forcing myself to conform to the unstated standards of being a proper punk, goth, freak, hippie, or otherwise? (I know what you're thinking, but it is high school. Of course there are standards. Even for hippies. Disturbing, isn't it?) Did I screw up by not "exploring options" and joining every possible activity, club, or event that I could get my ass in? (Witness in mock trial + minor musical part is all I got there, heh.) Did I miss something?
Because this doesn't feel right.
It doesn't seem like I'm stronger, healthier, and happier for struggling the past three years. I feel nauseous. I'm just as tired and lonely as before, but now I don't care.
I'm not stronger, healthier, and happier. I'm slower, weaker, and unemotional.
And I still can't make up my mind. Which is better? Too emotional, or feeling nothing?
Alysa and Alex came to visit me at work today. I never felt more like a mother than that moment, when they came to the counter to get their (free) drinks. And it wasn't wholly a good feeling. I felt exhausted. And I feel like I'm turning into my mother.
(It wasn't wholly bad, either. It was... uncertain.)
Alright, enough of the babbling.
Goodnight. Tomorrow, a ferret.
...
Anyway, I don't have much to say. Or, I don't have anything to say. I guess that's a major reason why I'm updating. I used to update with absolutely nothing to say at all quite often, and if I can get into that habit again maybe I'll start posting more...
Getting more and more hours at work. Ugh. And I have four days to get my AP English project synopsis emailed to Mrs. Gatewood. But if I have to decide between either Computer Information Systems and AP English, I'm going to go with computers. She won't make it easy to drop, though... "I am so glad you are with me. I have been telling everyone about your AP
score, and your "smart" decision to be in my class. Good job, girl."
Last year. Really.
There's something to talk about. This was high school. My high school life is nearly over. Where the hell did it go? What the hell happened with my "formative" years?! Three years, and I still feel like a lost little lamb. Did I miss out on anything by not "joining a social group" and forcing myself to conform to the unstated standards of being a proper punk, goth, freak, hippie, or otherwise? (I know what you're thinking, but it is high school. Of course there are standards. Even for hippies. Disturbing, isn't it?) Did I screw up by not "exploring options" and joining every possible activity, club, or event that I could get my ass in? (Witness in mock trial + minor musical part is all I got there, heh.) Did I miss something?
Because this doesn't feel right.
It doesn't seem like I'm stronger, healthier, and happier for struggling the past three years. I feel nauseous. I'm just as tired and lonely as before, but now I don't care.
I'm not stronger, healthier, and happier. I'm slower, weaker, and unemotional.
And I still can't make up my mind. Which is better? Too emotional, or feeling nothing?
Alysa and Alex came to visit me at work today. I never felt more like a mother than that moment, when they came to the counter to get their (free) drinks. And it wasn't wholly a good feeling. I felt exhausted. And I feel like I'm turning into my mother.
(It wasn't wholly bad, either. It was... uncertain.)
Alright, enough of the babbling.
Goodnight. Tomorrow, a ferret.