Public Post

[botia]

This journal is friends only.

If you want me to add you, comment in this entry.

If you think one of the communities I maintain needs attention, comment in this entry.

All comments will be screened. If you want them to remain that way, let me know.

Comments

[bringerofchange]

Hello.

i apologise for the intrusion.

i would like to ask for your help in a friendship-related matter.

If you decline, i understand.

[botia]

Sure, what can I do for you?

[botia]

It depends on the person and their value to me. It sounds (from the information you've presented) like the problem lies with the other person, for whatever reason. If you're going to try to preserve the friendship, then you have to figure out why they are interpreting them that way. Perhaps there is something else that they're angry about and not telling you (recent experience on my part). Perhaps they are depressed or dealing with another emotional/mental illness, so everything they hear is processed through filters that twist it into something it's not. You'll have to figure out how to get around those filters and communicate with them, if you want to keep things alive.

[botia]

Try again, speak plainly, with no analogies. Try to frame your feelings as they are.

"I am having a really hard time figuring out how to make things right with you, because you already feel very wronged by me. Please help me make peace with you. Would you be willing to give me the information I need to heal the rift?"

[bringerofchange]

That sounds perfect.

Do you happen to give advice often? You're very skilled at it, i can't thank you enough for how nice you've been.

Incidentally, i did read elsewhere in your journal. i relate to how you have asthma, and i'm sorry you're afflicted. Also, you mentioned disliking it when people try to press their opinions on you and get offended if you refuse. i relate to that as well, it is pretty frustrating, isn't it.

[stops rambling] Thank you again. i really appreciate it. If there's anything i can ever do in return, please ask?

[botia]

Most of the advice I give is how to take care of aquariums and reptiles :)

Asthma isn't a lot of fun, but my doctor takes me seriously, so it's under control most of the time!

People often press their opinions regarding health issues, and that's really frustrating, especially when you've tried everything they're suggesting, it didn't work, and they get mad at you for not magically getting better. I see it happen a lot with friends, too, who are depressed or have a chronic illness, and it's just maddening.

[bringerofchange]

Perhaps there is something else that they're angry about and not telling you (recent experience on my part).

i'm sorry for whatever occurred in that recent experience. It can be really hard to get to the root of such a thing, sometimes, if the other person isn't willing to be honest. i do hope the situation came out okay for you...

[botia]

It's okay in that I decided that I wasn't going to continue trying to appease the person, who is mentally ill and not getting treatment for it. I wish things had been different, but I only have so much time and energy for things, and it wasn't getting me anywhere to keep spending both on her.

I have a chronic illness (fibromyalgia) and work approximately 11 hours a day on my feet--in addition to a very busy social life, and a sizeable menagerie (mostly snakes) plus animal rescues. I'd rather spend my weekend rehoming a foster boa than arguing on AIM with someone who already has a deck stacked against me, ya know?