The point system WITH CORRECTIONS
My corrections are in italics :)
The Point System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played: it doesn't do any good to complain about the rules.
Simple Duties
* You make the bed (+1)
* But forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
* Because you just spent your "making the bed" time giving her six orgasms. With your tongue. (+200)
* You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)
*
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
* In the snow (+8)
* But return with beer (-5)
*It's the beer SHE likes best, and there's enough for both. And you didn't forget the panty liners. (+20)
* You check out a suspicious noise at night (1)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+10)
* You pummel it with a six iron (+10 more)
* It's her toy poodle (-50)
* You're smart enough to have a big Maglite on hand, so you are able to correctly determine what the noise is and deal with it in an appropriate fashion, instead of acting like an idiot caveman (+100)
Social Engagements At a Party
* You stay by her side the entire party (0)
* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
* Named Tiffany (-5)
* Who's now a dancer (-10)
* She spends the entire time telling you about her new implants (-15)
* Tiffany was your best friend Theodore back in the day (+150) (you get points for not being a prejudiced douche) :)
Her Birthday
* You take her out to dinner (0)
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
* Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
* And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)
*Which is also HER favorite sports team, and they're playing a big game on the bar's big screen TVs everywhere. (+25)
Dating
* You take her to a movie (+1)
* You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
* You take her to a movie you hate (+5)
* You take her to a movie you like (-2)
* It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
* Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
* She's a huge DeathCop fan and has all the comic books and action figures. (+15)
* And she hates foreign films about orphans (and "chick flicks") so your misdirection made it a happy surprise (+15)
Your Physique
* You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)
*She's a size-discrimination activist who loves people for who they are and recognizes that adipose tissues is not a personal failing. (+150)
Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem
* You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
* You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+50)
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)
*But you have medical documentation of narcolepsy or hypersomnia (negates point loss) (My husband has hypersomnia, and while it's frustrating, it's also not his fault)
The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
* You hesitate in responding (-10)
* You reply, "Where?" (-35)
* You reply, "Compared to what?" (-50)
* Any other response (-20)
*You reply, "You're beautiful, inside and out, and I'd love you no matter what size you are, because that's not who you are." (+200)
Score
For every 100 points earned, you get to have sex with her. During that act...
* You perform foreplay (0)
* You have the houseboy do the foreplay (5)
* She has an orgasm (0)
* It's over when you have an orgasm (-500)
* You unfold a Playboy centerfold over her face (-5 million -- you will never have sex again)
*You both communicate your sexual needs to one another, and you are both unselfish enough to focus on the other person instead of using him or her as a glorified sex toy, so that you both have transcendent orgasms that leave your toes twitching. (+1000)
The Point System
In the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy. Do something she likes and you get points. Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted. You don't get any points for doing something she expects. Sorry, that's the way the game is played: it doesn't do any good to complain about the rules.
Simple Duties
* You make the bed (+1)
* But forget to add the decorative pillows (0)
* You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets (-1)
* Because you just spent your "making the bed" time giving her six orgasms. With your tongue. (+200)
* You leave the toilet seat up (-5)
* You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty (0)
* When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex (-1)
* When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom (-2)
*
* You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings (+5)
* In the snow (+8)
* But return with beer (-5)
*It's the beer SHE likes best, and there's enough for both. And you didn't forget the panty liners. (+20)
* You check out a suspicious noise at night (1)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing (0)
* You check out a suspicious noise and it is something (+10)
* You pummel it with a six iron (+10 more)
* It's her toy poodle (-50)
* You're smart enough to have a big Maglite on hand, so you are able to correctly determine what the noise is and deal with it in an appropriate fashion, instead of acting like an idiot caveman (+100)
Social Engagements At a Party
* You stay by her side the entire party (0)
* You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with a college drinking buddy (-2)
* Named Tiffany (-5)
* Who's now a dancer (-10)
* She spends the entire time telling you about her new implants (-15)
* Tiffany was your best friend Theodore back in the day (+150) (you get points for not being a prejudiced douche) :)
Her Birthday
* You take her out to dinner (0)
* You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar (+1)
* Okay, it is a sports bar (-2)
* And it's all-you-can-eat night (-3)
* It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is painted in all of the colors of your favorite sports team (-10)
*Which is also HER favorite sports team, and they're playing a big game on the bar's big screen TVs everywhere. (+25)
Dating
* You take her to a movie (+1)
* You take her to a movie she likes (+3)
* You take her to a movie you hate (+5)
* You take her to a movie you like (-2)
* It's called DeathCop 9 (-3)
* Which features cyborgs that eat humans (-9)
* You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans (-15)
* She's a huge DeathCop fan and has all the comic books and action figures. (+15)
* And she hates foreign films about orphans (and "chick flicks") so your misdirection made it a happy surprise (+15)
Your Physique
* You develop a noticeable potbelly (-15)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and exercise to get rid of it (+10)
* You develop a noticeable potbelly and resort to loose jeans and baggy Hawaiian shirts (-30)
* You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too." (-80)
*She's a size-discrimination activist who loves people for who they are and recognizes that adipose tissues is not a personal failing. (+150)
Communication: When she wants to talk about a problem
* You listen, displaying what looks like a concerned expression (0)
* You listen, for over 30 minutes (+5)
* You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV (+50)
* She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep (-20)
*But you have medical documentation of narcolepsy or hypersomnia (negates point loss) (My husband has hypersomnia, and while it's frustrating, it's also not his fault)
The Big Question: She asks, "Do I look fat?"
* You hesitate in responding (-10)
* You reply, "Where?" (-35)
* You reply, "Compared to what?" (-50)
* Any other response (-20)
*You reply, "You're beautiful, inside and out, and I'd love you no matter what size you are, because that's not who you are." (+200)
Score
For every 100 points earned, you get to have sex with her. During that act...
* You perform foreplay (0)
* You have the houseboy do the foreplay (5)
* She has an orgasm (0)
* It's over when you have an orgasm (-500)
* You unfold a Playboy centerfold over her face (-5 million -- you will never have sex again)
*You both communicate your sexual needs to one another, and you are both unselfish enough to focus on the other person instead of using him or her as a glorified sex toy, so that you both have transcendent orgasms that leave your toes twitching. (+1000)