duplicate.
i received my letter of acceptance to csulb as an english literature major. i'm excited. and scared. and feeling so many things that just don't make much sense.
i've pretty much come to the conclusion that i don't fit in anywhere anymore. this is no one's fault but my own. i have goals. i have plans. i wake up at 7 in the morning and i usually don't stop until 8 or 9 at night. work, school, work, school. this is my life.
am i wasting my youth on adult aspirations? am i putting too much time and energy into a schedule that forces me into exile?
everything around me feels constantly unstable. i am only completely happy in one aspect of my life; when i'm at school or working on something for school. i feel confident. content. assured. how incredibly sad is that? i feel as though i can't relate to people anymore. and very few people care enough to try to relate to me. family included.
the most ironic part? i am the backbone, the moral fiber. i am the one who is so filled with advice, the one who gives you room to rest your mind, the bench on which you rest when the trip gets too hard. no one ever thinks about the bench. how it must feel to carry the weight of so many people, so often. everyone takes those benches for granted. hell, there's one on every corner - right?
i have an overwhelming feeling of anicipation when i think of the the next few months. it's as if this life-changing tornado will sweep through my life and force me to make decisions that i never knew existed. and when the dust settles, i will know what - and who - still matters.
i've pretty much come to the conclusion that i don't fit in anywhere anymore. this is no one's fault but my own. i have goals. i have plans. i wake up at 7 in the morning and i usually don't stop until 8 or 9 at night. work, school, work, school. this is my life.
am i wasting my youth on adult aspirations? am i putting too much time and energy into a schedule that forces me into exile?
everything around me feels constantly unstable. i am only completely happy in one aspect of my life; when i'm at school or working on something for school. i feel confident. content. assured. how incredibly sad is that? i feel as though i can't relate to people anymore. and very few people care enough to try to relate to me. family included.
the most ironic part? i am the backbone, the moral fiber. i am the one who is so filled with advice, the one who gives you room to rest your mind, the bench on which you rest when the trip gets too hard. no one ever thinks about the bench. how it must feel to carry the weight of so many people, so often. everyone takes those benches for granted. hell, there's one on every corner - right?
i have an overwhelming feeling of anicipation when i think of the the next few months. it's as if this life-changing tornado will sweep through my life and force me to make decisions that i never knew existed. and when the dust settles, i will know what - and who - still matters.