you write the songs
it's amazing how fast you can flip.
today's been a slow one. i slept in, oh how wonderful that was, and spent most of the day cleaning my room, unpacking, doing laundry and listening to a mix i made for melissa. then i went to Wendy's with matti and came home to watch Pirates3 with momeushka and matti. it was peaceful and much needed after the semester that i've had.
then it happened.
i think i know why, too. 11pm it hit me hard.
i looked at my phone, realized i'd not received any reply, and flipped. at least i know why, this time, at least. it's quite annoying, for lack of a better word---well, we'll try it's frustrating to want to be closer but only pushed farther instead. it's a complete denial of self at that point. it's offering your self, pretty much anything of your personality and being told that it's not desireable. larry had a sentiment that was quite estute---"i'm gonna go find my friend at the bottom of a glass"--i'm not saying i'm going to drink, no no no. but, it's a very melancholy statement that rings similar to the emotion i'm feeling, particularly being the "cut myself off from society and reflect" feeling.
i think i'm going to write an essay/paper about the science/philosophy/customs of break-ups. it really is alot--but it boils down to gaining the 'upper hand' and not letting the other person see you at your weakest.
it's kind of that 'alone' feeling that comes around that is the most annoying.
but this time, i've got an entire hall, campus, university, city and state that i can't experience without it hitting me and saying "return to sender".
i'm going back to my cave.
i read the front flap of a book given to me by Starbucks when i met her back in 11th grade; "Mr. Poppers Penguins". she signed the inside cover and gave me a small card with it. she was so incredibly sweet and special to me. now she's married. how in the world did all of that happen? i wish her the best and i'm so happy she's found that.
i start work on thurs, sat, and then sun,mon,tues,thurs,saturday.
but for now, i'm still waiting for a response and a chance to blow everything off and hop onto a plane.
today's been a slow one. i slept in, oh how wonderful that was, and spent most of the day cleaning my room, unpacking, doing laundry and listening to a mix i made for melissa. then i went to Wendy's with matti and came home to watch Pirates3 with momeushka and matti. it was peaceful and much needed after the semester that i've had.
then it happened.
i think i know why, too. 11pm it hit me hard.
i looked at my phone, realized i'd not received any reply, and flipped. at least i know why, this time, at least. it's quite annoying, for lack of a better word---well, we'll try it's frustrating to want to be closer but only pushed farther instead. it's a complete denial of self at that point. it's offering your self, pretty much anything of your personality and being told that it's not desireable. larry had a sentiment that was quite estute---"i'm gonna go find my friend at the bottom of a glass"--i'm not saying i'm going to drink, no no no. but, it's a very melancholy statement that rings similar to the emotion i'm feeling, particularly being the "cut myself off from society and reflect" feeling.
i think i'm going to write an essay/paper about the science/philosophy/customs of break-ups. it really is alot--but it boils down to gaining the 'upper hand' and not letting the other person see you at your weakest.
it's kind of that 'alone' feeling that comes around that is the most annoying.
but this time, i've got an entire hall, campus, university, city and state that i can't experience without it hitting me and saying "return to sender".
i'm going back to my cave.
i read the front flap of a book given to me by Starbucks when i met her back in 11th grade; "Mr. Poppers Penguins". she signed the inside cover and gave me a small card with it. she was so incredibly sweet and special to me. now she's married. how in the world did all of that happen? i wish her the best and i'm so happy she's found that.
i start work on thurs, sat, and then sun,mon,tues,thurs,saturday.
but for now, i'm still waiting for a response and a chance to blow everything off and hop onto a plane.