(no subject)
Wowo...i'm a seriously bored frood...like, i'm zarking bored. I'm sitting in OCAD right now, because I can't actually get a locker today or anything, and I got here too late to see the Aboveground Art Supplies fair because the guy came today to install my phone and internet, so i had to stay home for that.
My knees are looking particularly bony...(sorry...that was randomness)
In other news, i purchased the strangest mushrooms on the weekend from the grocery and they taste AMAZING. Also, I went to see "The devil wears prada" by myself on sunday, and it was totally awsome. I snuck in a banana and laughed my ass off at Meryl Streep harassing Anne Hathaway. It was seriously amusing.
So yeah...i should have working internet when I get home from OCAD---and apparently, my bed is coming this weekend, though i will be expected to partake in some sort of dinner engagement with my Aunt and Al...which is fine, I suppose. I'm looking so forward to actually being able to sleep IN the bedroom...half the stuff in there isn't even unpacked yet because, well...there was no point. I don't even know how i want the furniture to be oriented
I think i've lost another five pounds, which makes me very happy, and i'm actually starting to see MUSCLE (yes, that's right) developing on my body...how very strange... So yeah. Another five pounds to go, i figure, and then I might be down to maitenance time. I booked some sort of free consultation with a trainer at my gym just to see if I'm on the right track to be achieving these goals i've set for myself, or if there's something else I should be doing, or not doing (ie...i don't think i've actually been eating enough...i keep getting all dizzy *sweatdrops*).
I also scrubbed the tile in my bathroom today...and have decided that i need some sort of baking soda mixture and a toothbrush to do the floor, because goddamn, some bits came clean, but some bits are still grotty and i want it to be CLEAN. And i also have come to the conclusion that whoever grouted my bathroom was indeed drunk, or stoned, or both at the time of said grouting.
Tomorrow I shall hopefully run into Colette, as well as many other friends who I haven't seen in ages. I've really spent a lot of time this summer analysing my behavior over the last two years, towards colette, and other people at ocad as well.
I realised that I do actually push people away- and the sole root of that problem is my complete insecurity (due largely, i think, to getting totally burned by walsh, but also other people because of an aleady existent insecurity).
In any given relationship, all someone has to do is look at me funny and i start worrying about whether i am annoying them, if they are angry at me, if they want me to go away, or if they even actually wanted me around in the first place.
Once i get on that track, i am exposed to being easily hurt, and like it happened last year with a few people, i got hurt, and once that happened, i immediately figured- well. it's over. I've fucked up, and i'm not worth trying to repair this, so i'd better just run like hell before they can hurt me again. (ie...i overreacted, and pushed people away).
So the grand plan of this year is to tell the insecurity to take a hike (well- make an effort to deal with the insecurity issues. i have to think about it every day, work at it, and also, keep up the exercise/healthy eating, because i think that will really help with confidence. i might see about getting back into counselling sessions). And to trust myself, and those i care about. Because I stopped trusting colette last year, and I definitely stopped trusting Cheryl and a few others. So none of that this year. I am going to assume the positive unless someone sees fit to authenticate the negative, and i'm going to trust the people i love/care about, because not trusting them because of what someone else did is just stupid, and also very unfair to them.
And no drugs this year either. They are a bandaid with hellish side-effects and i'm not going to deal with that bullshit again. I'm going to do this with a lot of hard work and possibly some support from a talk-therapist, but effexor, prozac, and any other stupid brain-scramblig medication has no damn place in this grand new scheme.
OMG. HOUSE is on tonight. *GLEE*
Anyway, i'm going to stop ranting in hopes of not scaring off anyone who would actually read this ^^
My knees are looking particularly bony...(sorry...that was randomness)
In other news, i purchased the strangest mushrooms on the weekend from the grocery and they taste AMAZING. Also, I went to see "The devil wears prada" by myself on sunday, and it was totally awsome. I snuck in a banana and laughed my ass off at Meryl Streep harassing Anne Hathaway. It was seriously amusing.
So yeah...i should have working internet when I get home from OCAD---and apparently, my bed is coming this weekend, though i will be expected to partake in some sort of dinner engagement with my Aunt and Al...which is fine, I suppose. I'm looking so forward to actually being able to sleep IN the bedroom...half the stuff in there isn't even unpacked yet because, well...there was no point. I don't even know how i want the furniture to be oriented
I think i've lost another five pounds, which makes me very happy, and i'm actually starting to see MUSCLE (yes, that's right) developing on my body...how very strange... So yeah. Another five pounds to go, i figure, and then I might be down to maitenance time. I booked some sort of free consultation with a trainer at my gym just to see if I'm on the right track to be achieving these goals i've set for myself, or if there's something else I should be doing, or not doing (ie...i don't think i've actually been eating enough...i keep getting all dizzy *sweatdrops*).
I also scrubbed the tile in my bathroom today...and have decided that i need some sort of baking soda mixture and a toothbrush to do the floor, because goddamn, some bits came clean, but some bits are still grotty and i want it to be CLEAN. And i also have come to the conclusion that whoever grouted my bathroom was indeed drunk, or stoned, or both at the time of said grouting.
Tomorrow I shall hopefully run into Colette, as well as many other friends who I haven't seen in ages. I've really spent a lot of time this summer analysing my behavior over the last two years, towards colette, and other people at ocad as well.
I realised that I do actually push people away- and the sole root of that problem is my complete insecurity (due largely, i think, to getting totally burned by walsh, but also other people because of an aleady existent insecurity).
In any given relationship, all someone has to do is look at me funny and i start worrying about whether i am annoying them, if they are angry at me, if they want me to go away, or if they even actually wanted me around in the first place.
Once i get on that track, i am exposed to being easily hurt, and like it happened last year with a few people, i got hurt, and once that happened, i immediately figured- well. it's over. I've fucked up, and i'm not worth trying to repair this, so i'd better just run like hell before they can hurt me again. (ie...i overreacted, and pushed people away).
So the grand plan of this year is to tell the insecurity to take a hike (well- make an effort to deal with the insecurity issues. i have to think about it every day, work at it, and also, keep up the exercise/healthy eating, because i think that will really help with confidence. i might see about getting back into counselling sessions). And to trust myself, and those i care about. Because I stopped trusting colette last year, and I definitely stopped trusting Cheryl and a few others. So none of that this year. I am going to assume the positive unless someone sees fit to authenticate the negative, and i'm going to trust the people i love/care about, because not trusting them because of what someone else did is just stupid, and also very unfair to them.
And no drugs this year either. They are a bandaid with hellish side-effects and i'm not going to deal with that bullshit again. I'm going to do this with a lot of hard work and possibly some support from a talk-therapist, but effexor, prozac, and any other stupid brain-scramblig medication has no damn place in this grand new scheme.
OMG. HOUSE is on tonight. *GLEE*
Anyway, i'm going to stop ranting in hopes of not scaring off anyone who would actually read this ^^