It's a Cult
Before I start my rant, noone else ask for shout outs. Ginny you are the only one, that's it. Oh and by the way, stop telling me to update. I know I am the most incredible person ever, but calm down.
Anyway........
What the hell! I just realized I have been brainwashed. I have been dragged into this stupid cult called "Towson Track and Field". I just wanted to get in shape, and the cult leader, Eddy Faya told me it was fine. "Oh yeah!" he said. "You can come a few times a week if you want. No pressure." But little did I know, the brainwashing began on the first day.
Like most cults, the leader, Faya, and his henchmen told of the unity we all must have as well as the eternal glory we shall receive for being believers. Immediately, we started to run in circles like lost homosexuals. Signially for an alien invasion, we continued to run everyday. Having a weaker mind than I thought, I started to come everyday to run over and over around the same "fruit loop". My plan of only attending occasionally failed, and I was slowly lured into minor leadership in the cult.
Like most cults, this cult has a seemingly legitimate cover. Towson Track and Field plays itself off as an athletic team. Yeah right. Running around in circles, holding a magic wand, and playing grab-ass does not qualify T&F as a sport. Yet, I failed to see this until it was too late.
It should have been so obvious from the start. Just the coaching staff is rediculous. Let's take a quick look:
Eddy Faya: Leader of the cult, overgrown 13-year-old boy, still watches Top Gun every night and knows all the lines
Brody Fredricksen: A green party Jew who thinks he is a pirate. Oh yeah, he shaves his legs too.
Brown: Way to put the black man down in the cult and give him the name "Brown".
Venutti: Svidrigailov! "Mary, need help stretching?" I think you get the idea.
Seriously, how do they even pretend to be coaches? That's not even the worst of it. There are also the cult traditions:
1. Shorts may not come within three inches from the top of the knee.
2. No underwear.
3. You must either have an eating disorder or appear to have one (throwing up all the time).
4. You must frolic and skip like a little girl to "warm up"
5. You must homoerotically embrace fellow cult members after "doing well" in meets.
It is disturbing how far this cult has spread. It's not only Towson, but nearly every school in the nation. The cults even get together to have "competitions". But, they know deep down it isn't a real sport, so they call them, "meets". Normally you play, compete against, or just beat the shit out of another team. In track you just meet them. This is because the goal of track is not really to compete, its to get together to give signals to the aliens in the sky. Don't believe me, then why don't the races go in order. Seriously, the order makes no sense, I mean some of the first races are the longest, and the second to last is the shortest relay. The only logical explanation is that they are trying to contact aliens. Using their "fruit loops", the cult leaders are planning alien invasions. It's just that simple.
Anyway........
What the hell! I just realized I have been brainwashed. I have been dragged into this stupid cult called "Towson Track and Field". I just wanted to get in shape, and the cult leader, Eddy Faya told me it was fine. "Oh yeah!" he said. "You can come a few times a week if you want. No pressure." But little did I know, the brainwashing began on the first day.
Like most cults, the leader, Faya, and his henchmen told of the unity we all must have as well as the eternal glory we shall receive for being believers. Immediately, we started to run in circles like lost homosexuals. Signially for an alien invasion, we continued to run everyday. Having a weaker mind than I thought, I started to come everyday to run over and over around the same "fruit loop". My plan of only attending occasionally failed, and I was slowly lured into minor leadership in the cult.
Like most cults, this cult has a seemingly legitimate cover. Towson Track and Field plays itself off as an athletic team. Yeah right. Running around in circles, holding a magic wand, and playing grab-ass does not qualify T&F as a sport. Yet, I failed to see this until it was too late.
It should have been so obvious from the start. Just the coaching staff is rediculous. Let's take a quick look:
Eddy Faya: Leader of the cult, overgrown 13-year-old boy, still watches Top Gun every night and knows all the lines
Brody Fredricksen: A green party Jew who thinks he is a pirate. Oh yeah, he shaves his legs too.
Brown: Way to put the black man down in the cult and give him the name "Brown".
Venutti: Svidrigailov! "Mary, need help stretching?" I think you get the idea.
Seriously, how do they even pretend to be coaches? That's not even the worst of it. There are also the cult traditions:
1. Shorts may not come within three inches from the top of the knee.
2. No underwear.
3. You must either have an eating disorder or appear to have one (throwing up all the time).
4. You must frolic and skip like a little girl to "warm up"
5. You must homoerotically embrace fellow cult members after "doing well" in meets.
It is disturbing how far this cult has spread. It's not only Towson, but nearly every school in the nation. The cults even get together to have "competitions". But, they know deep down it isn't a real sport, so they call them, "meets". Normally you play, compete against, or just beat the shit out of another team. In track you just meet them. This is because the goal of track is not really to compete, its to get together to give signals to the aliens in the sky. Don't believe me, then why don't the races go in order. Seriously, the order makes no sense, I mean some of the first races are the longest, and the second to last is the shortest relay. The only logical explanation is that they are trying to contact aliens. Using their "fruit loops", the cult leaders are planning alien invasions. It's just that simple.