Goodbye 2008
Viva Forever.
Who knew such a silly statement could mean so much.
This year was about constantly moving forward despite all the shit that happens both catastrophic and amazing. It was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. 2007 ended in a storm of bullshit and was the worst year I had ever had. In 2008 I hit the ground running, new girl, new job, art I was finally proud of,an amazing and life changing trip to Philly, and epic trip to New York, more shows and experiences that can never be replaced. It was so good, it didn't feel real. I would wake up and think to myself things are so good this can't be real. I knew things would fall apart and I was just gonna let them, and I did. But it was not nearly as bad as the previous worst week ever that happens like clockwork every 6 months. Things were dismal but not bad.
Then things started back up with my ex-girlfriend. The month of June was unreal. Everything was progressing so fast and amazing complete with Andrew WK and crazy bike rides and dinners with Caroline. Then in July, as fast as it built up, it blew apart. This was not gentle like what happened in May. Rather a fucking nuclear bomb. Within two weeks I was left for another guy, I had a huge falling out with my best friend of almost ten years, my parents got the notice the house was being repossessed and my dad lost his job. Instead of turning to drugs are becoming a hermit, I went vegan and started biking hundreds of miles a week. I still had this crazy bad luck following me, but by this time it was so trivial I just laughed and kept on truck'n.
Waves of flat tires, rain and broken spokes couldn't break what I had for the first time in my life; confidence. Things didn't work out the way I wanted, but I realized it didn't matter. I was proud of the decisions I had made and the things I had accomplished and the mass of shit I had overcome. It was not that I was invincible, it was quite the opposite. I realized that I can't control my life, but I can control my decisions. Despite whatever happens, as long as I worked hard to make the best decisions possible and was proud of them, nothing else mattered. When things fall apart you reconsider all the things you took for granted and learn so much about yourself. I am confident in the decisions I have made, and this has transferred into confidence in myself. This allowed me to begin to cope with loss. I learned not to be sad when things and people you care about and have so many memories of go or are taken way, rather be happy and and thankful that you got to have them in the first place. Accept loss always. True happiness is not a feeling, rather the knowledge and pride that the you are making the best decisions that you can.
This brings us to the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009. The new year will be a crazy year for sure. I will be graduating from college, recoding an album under the moniker "The Internetz", selling all my possessions, and biking across the country to San Francisco and then living there.
There are so many chances for things to get really strange, amazing, and even scary. I am excited to have the opportunity to use some of the potential that everyone has inside them. It is just the decision to use it and just go and do the things that you need to. I will miss you all, but the world is not my home, I'm just passing through.
Records of the year in no particular order
Nouns by No Age
Saint Dymphna by Gang Gang Dance (Currently Addicted, and too bad I am missing them play with Andrew WK)
Youth Novels by Lykke Li
Feed the Animals by Girl Talk
LP3 by Ratatat
Re-arrange Us by Mates of State
Made in the Dark by Hot Chip
808 & Heartbreak by Kanye West
s/t by Crystal Castles
Black Keys Attack and Release
Who knew such a silly statement could mean so much.
This year was about constantly moving forward despite all the shit that happens both catastrophic and amazing. It was simultaneously the best and worst year of my life. 2007 ended in a storm of bullshit and was the worst year I had ever had. In 2008 I hit the ground running, new girl, new job, art I was finally proud of,an amazing and life changing trip to Philly, and epic trip to New York, more shows and experiences that can never be replaced. It was so good, it didn't feel real. I would wake up and think to myself things are so good this can't be real. I knew things would fall apart and I was just gonna let them, and I did. But it was not nearly as bad as the previous worst week ever that happens like clockwork every 6 months. Things were dismal but not bad.
Then things started back up with my ex-girlfriend. The month of June was unreal. Everything was progressing so fast and amazing complete with Andrew WK and crazy bike rides and dinners with Caroline. Then in July, as fast as it built up, it blew apart. This was not gentle like what happened in May. Rather a fucking nuclear bomb. Within two weeks I was left for another guy, I had a huge falling out with my best friend of almost ten years, my parents got the notice the house was being repossessed and my dad lost his job. Instead of turning to drugs are becoming a hermit, I went vegan and started biking hundreds of miles a week. I still had this crazy bad luck following me, but by this time it was so trivial I just laughed and kept on truck'n.
Waves of flat tires, rain and broken spokes couldn't break what I had for the first time in my life; confidence. Things didn't work out the way I wanted, but I realized it didn't matter. I was proud of the decisions I had made and the things I had accomplished and the mass of shit I had overcome. It was not that I was invincible, it was quite the opposite. I realized that I can't control my life, but I can control my decisions. Despite whatever happens, as long as I worked hard to make the best decisions possible and was proud of them, nothing else mattered. When things fall apart you reconsider all the things you took for granted and learn so much about yourself. I am confident in the decisions I have made, and this has transferred into confidence in myself. This allowed me to begin to cope with loss. I learned not to be sad when things and people you care about and have so many memories of go or are taken way, rather be happy and and thankful that you got to have them in the first place. Accept loss always. True happiness is not a feeling, rather the knowledge and pride that the you are making the best decisions that you can.
This brings us to the end of 2008 and the beginning of 2009. The new year will be a crazy year for sure. I will be graduating from college, recoding an album under the moniker "The Internetz", selling all my possessions, and biking across the country to San Francisco and then living there.
There are so many chances for things to get really strange, amazing, and even scary. I am excited to have the opportunity to use some of the potential that everyone has inside them. It is just the decision to use it and just go and do the things that you need to. I will miss you all, but the world is not my home, I'm just passing through.
Records of the year in no particular order
Nouns by No Age
Saint Dymphna by Gang Gang Dance (Currently Addicted, and too bad I am missing them play with Andrew WK)
Youth Novels by Lykke Li
Feed the Animals by Girl Talk
LP3 by Ratatat
Re-arrange Us by Mates of State
Made in the Dark by Hot Chip
808 & Heartbreak by Kanye West
s/t by Crystal Castles
Black Keys Attack and Release