just when it was all starting to make sense
sleep deprivation and faded memories of the night before. New people, same old ideals. I've come to terms with human error and the ability to muck up great things for situational appeasement. All I seem to know is to work, I hate it, but I know have to succumb in order to fix this mess that is my life. Sure, there are places I'd rather be, there are people I'd rather be with, but my current state isn't so bad. A job, I'm healthy (a lot more then before, I'm at a amazing 160lbs. Which I haven't seen in a years) and there is even a dame in my life that is not only beautiful, but clean and very intelligent. Drinking at the duckpond discussing various similarities that we both find very intreging as well as many topics based on psychology, politics, and social observations. Though she is a great prospect and we have had a lot of fun, (she's almost as vicious and violent as I can be...which will get me in trouble) I don't think a relationship would occur...not just yet anyway. I don't want to do that again unless I'm sure. Too many mistakes, and if there is anything I dont' want to do, is fuck up something that could be good because I can't trust her or any broad for that matter. Timing is everything and even though the dreams keep coming, there's a ghost I just can't shake, and when that happens I think I'll be ready to jump on the preverbial "relationship horse" again. But for now, I'll just work, pay my debts and hopefully finally get some closure and perspective on life, love, friendship, honor, and honesty. Minus the cops beating the shit out of me, the confusing living situation I'm in, and the eventual court dates...I'm actually pretty content with life, regrets sure, but then again we all wish that somethings in the past could have been altered, but maybe things are the way they should be and I should be glad I'm not stuck in the same hell my mind and surroundings were making for me.
I need sleep
I need sleep