It's amazing.
I've just logged in for the first time in years. I also just looked back through all the posts I made when I was an angsty teen, and I was amazed. I am amazed at how much I've changed, not only since high school, but in the last couple of years. I am amazed at how my priorities have shifted. And you know what? It needed to happen.
Since my last post a lot has happened, and if anyone out there even remembers me or cares about my life, here goes. I've gotten a new job, gotten a new apartment (five years ago), met an amazing girl named Cara (who turned out to be the love of my life), and now... we're engaged. I'm gonna have a family of my own. I'm a grown-up now. And it took a wonderful woman to help me to be one.
When I look back at the person I used to be, at least through the filter of LiveJournal, I am honestly astounded. It seems like every post was me giving reason after reason why I should feel sorry for myself, and why other people should sympathize. I have no sympathy for the guy I used to be. I was putting way to much pressure on myself, both in regards to girls and in regards to fitting an image I had selected for myself. I am astounded at how often in this blog I railed against conformity when I myself was trying just as hard to conform, albeit to a different set of standards.
I am astounded at how much I've grown. I feel now like I'm just a person. Not a punk, not a hipster, not a party animal, not a rugby player. Just a guy who knows what he likes. When you "grow up" you realize that nothing is really accomplished by putting a lot of effort into fitting in with a "scene". I know who my friends are, and my friends like me no matter what music I listen to, or how I dress, or how comically large my glasses may be. And I feel the same way.
I don't know if anyone will read this who remembers me. It has been years, after all. But if you are reading this, know this. Life works out. It may not happen the way you expect, but you WILL end up learning who you really are and what's important to you. And that moment, that defining moment when you realize these things, is one of the best moments of your life. Cherish it. Thanks for listening.
Since my last post a lot has happened, and if anyone out there even remembers me or cares about my life, here goes. I've gotten a new job, gotten a new apartment (five years ago), met an amazing girl named Cara (who turned out to be the love of my life), and now... we're engaged. I'm gonna have a family of my own. I'm a grown-up now. And it took a wonderful woman to help me to be one.
When I look back at the person I used to be, at least through the filter of LiveJournal, I am honestly astounded. It seems like every post was me giving reason after reason why I should feel sorry for myself, and why other people should sympathize. I have no sympathy for the guy I used to be. I was putting way to much pressure on myself, both in regards to girls and in regards to fitting an image I had selected for myself. I am astounded at how often in this blog I railed against conformity when I myself was trying just as hard to conform, albeit to a different set of standards.
I am astounded at how much I've grown. I feel now like I'm just a person. Not a punk, not a hipster, not a party animal, not a rugby player. Just a guy who knows what he likes. When you "grow up" you realize that nothing is really accomplished by putting a lot of effort into fitting in with a "scene". I know who my friends are, and my friends like me no matter what music I listen to, or how I dress, or how comically large my glasses may be. And I feel the same way.
I don't know if anyone will read this who remembers me. It has been years, after all. But if you are reading this, know this. Life works out. It may not happen the way you expect, but you WILL end up learning who you really are and what's important to you. And that moment, that defining moment when you realize these things, is one of the best moments of your life. Cherish it. Thanks for listening.