Well......
Well i keep on being bugged to updated this fucking thing, so here iam finaly doing it. Well where can i start with all the damn hetic shit thats been going on? Its my bday soon, april 11th! YAY!! ill be 21!!! Shit sounds like im getting old =(. Wish i was peter pan where i can stay young with no worries and have everything planned out for me by someone else and stay in never never land,lol. I miss my family like crazy, its getting me down so much , even more than i thought it would, when ever i wake up i cant wait to call them. Well also that has been going on is me and jenelle, i love her lots, im in love with her. But dealing with her is harder than i ever thought it would be. She tells me to read her lj, so i do after about te 3rd time her asking me bc for some weird reason she just cant "tell me". And when i do all it says is mean ass shit about her and me, which i guess is ment to make me second guess her and me or get me down, yea w/e. And when i say something to her, all she says is well i see you just read the bad things, So i went back i read the whole thing again, and im sorry it said one good thing, but to me 7 bad things out weigh one good thing. Sometimes its like i have another mom around me like im 13 yrs old checking up on EVERYTHING i do. She logs my aim convos so she can read them, has my myspace password, and aim password, computer loggin password and checks all of them every day. its like i have no privacy, no room to breath without her knowing im breathing. Its all getting to much for me to take. The way she acts i see so many traits that were in shannon and it scares me bc i dont want it to turn out like shannon and me did, bc i ended up the worst one off in ALOT of ways, and if i try to approach her about that she flips out bc she thinks im comparing her to shannon which im not. Her x broke her arm and so she lived in a shelter for awhile, and even the other day she told me that " thats why i dont want to spend time with billy bc i dont know how i will feel about him and might get confused". So doesnt that make me insecure? Hell yes it does. Then she kids around about liking some girl at work called meagan and how if they did anything she just wouldnt tell me, but the fucked up thing about it is that i know she would do that and does like her bc she has addmited it to me b4. And i love my son over anything in the whole entire world, and lately i have been seeing him when i want to which is fucking awsome!! =). But i have to be civil with shannon so i try my best i can at that now so i can see him when i want to. But on saturday he was supposed to come over but just bc jenelle wanted to be lazy and sleep in she asked me not to have him over, so me being me said okay and he came over monday instead, and when shannon had to come pick him up, she was here like 20- 25 mins and lee was here for 5 of those mins, abd bc i just got done feeding him and heather came over with lee to see eric i didnt have time to clean up his bottle and clean up his toys and his other stuff, so when shannon came i had to do all that and help get his stuff out to her car for eric and kiss him goodbye and talk to her about him. And jenelle freaked out bc she was here "to long". See in my eyes when you love someone it doesnt matter who you see or what comes infront of you if its has something to do with your past or present your going to love that person, not be worried about if they hangout one of them is going to get confused and wont know how they feel, like she has said about her and billy. Eric has a Doctor appointment on 13th of april and i want to go bc i missed one of his appointments to go to one of jenelles already and bc he is my son and i love him no matter what. And she thinks bc shannon is going to be there at his appointment (duh) and so am i, she called billy and told him she wants to hangout with him on tuesday for the whole day just to justify me going to my sons appointment, which there is no justification needed at all. And i the other day i spoke to shannon online just cuz to keep things civil and we talked about bikes, and bc jenelle checks on everything i do she saw it in my aim log she keeps and freaked the hell out on me. Now i wud undersatdn if it was saying i love u, i miss u, great seeing you blah blah or even if jenelle didint speak to billy every other day on the phone about everything and anything bc news things w a baby dont happen ever other day so thats not an excuse bc i know i have a damn child, but it was about motorcycles bc im trying to keep things civil bc the nicer i am to shannon the easier it is to see my son. And if things aint done at the right time to jenelle is isnt right or not done at all. its like i cant do anything right. like this monring i aint gonna lie i had to crap big time (i ate shitty food the day b4,lol) and i was asking her to get out of the bathroom and do her make up in the mirror in the hallway, and she wouldnt just to be subborn and i budged her with ym chest kidding around for her to get out and she turned round pushed me so i chest bumped her back not hard or mean just to say dont push me like that when im kidding around and gotta take a crap. and she stormed out and when she was talking to her mom she said to her mom i slammed her against the wall, which is total over exageration and bs. well this is long enough now and off my chest so later guys!!!