(no subject)

[born_to_fail]

this has been the worst time ive ever had in my life. ive never felt like this before. no one has betrayed me like this before. no one has made me sick like this. no one has made me hurt like this. so many people have betrayed me. i have been in agony every minute - emotionally and physically. i have felt suicidal this whole time, although i know that is not an option, which makes me feel worse. i have cried and cried and cried. i have screamed so loud my parents are scared the neighbours will call the cops. i have cried so hard and so long that my body has tensed up into a giant knot, making me want to throw up all the time - making me dry reach every few minutes. i cannot sleep, and if i do get an hour in, i have the most horrible nightmares, and wake up for another several hours of pain. i am so sick, and so tired. i am tired of everything, i am tired of life. and i feel disgusting. i feel so dirty i cant explain it. my mum washed me in the bath like you used to. i tried to rub off all this pain but its just stupid. im just stupid. i feel like a fool for making myself throw up, when there is nothing there. i just cant eat. i dont want to eat anymore. im so fucked up... im just not hungry. i feel too sick to eat anything. the thought of.. well, everything i know makes me sick. and it makes me sick knowing how many fucked up, lying, coldhearted people are around me. so i have decided to make a list of people whom ive decided not to be friends with. (thats if some of them even considered me a friend at all - i think i know that some of you never liked me in the first place). most of these people know i hate them, but just to broadcast it to the world:

ben andrews
kel weir
burwzwud
stevie
and my most hated of all people - eugenie.