POSI 4 LIFE
I just had, and am still having, the most glorious, glorious, glorious morning of the longest, longest, longest time. Although it did begin with some negative thoughts... since I've been back in the children's section of IKEA peddling UNICEF cards I've been reminded of the copious amounts of time retail work allows for insipid self reflection. Too much thinking sans stimulation breeds vapid individualism and self pity... in me at least. So I was feeling kind of sorry for myself I guess, I mean not all the time, just when I stopped and reflected on my life and where its going. The funny part is that my life is currently going off the charts with awesomeness.
One of my biggest fears is sinking into a conventional life of privilege... I'm sure most of you feel the same way. And yet I wonder how a truly disenfranchised, marginalized, impoverished version of myself would feel about this sense of self-pity at my luck at being born into a relatively comfortable existence. I don't know whether the rejection of meritocracy or the acceptance of structural classism, racism, etc. would be a comfort, or whether I would simply want to punch myself in the face for wasting one blessed second of my existence on self-pity (I'm thinking the latter is much more likely). So on that note... back to my GLORIOUS morning.
It seems like years since I've been my positive self. I missed me. Somewhere along the road I got infected by a terrible fear. Don't get me wrong... I truly believe that all those fears are completely valid. Likely all the beautiful polar bears will drown sooner rather than later, likely I will have to give up my desire to birth children because there are so many children who are already born and need some lovin', Likely Stephen Harper will be elected. But... so fucking what? Living in a bitter, and hateful cocoon will not a more peaceful and loving world make.
I went for my first run since Sunday this morning. I was harder than I thought it would be but wonderful never the less! Thank the blessed creator for running!! After running 5km I decided to stop and stroll. The weather is just.... magnificent today. I went to mags n' fags and bought myself a present magazine called Good (keeping in the posi' theme) and a Globe and Mail. Great article Zosia, and many effusive congratulations on this fantastic professional accomplishment!@! I then strolled over to bridgehead and picked up some coffee for at home and a big steaming cup of coffee for me. mmm It felt so warm in my little paw chilled from sweat and cool breezes. Then I strolled right on home. The sun felt so wonderfully warm on my face and the breezes tickled my damp back. I swear to god I didn't take any drugs this morning.
Tuesday morning my friend Julie and I gave a presentation at a French school for UNICEF about their Trick or Treat campaign and it got me feeling a bunch of very uncomfortable and annoying feelings of jealousy and sadness. I love being in schools, yet I have (had?) effectively banished all dreams of ever being a teacher. Mostly do to fear of it being impossible. Now that I think about it, its rather amusing that I worked many years with one set goal in mind, gained practical experience after practical experience, completed an undergraduate degree with sufficiently high grades to get into teacher's college, got in, completed that magna cum laude (I'm not bragging, everybody gets that in teacher's college because everybody pretty much only gets A+'s), decided to do a masters degree in Education, did that... am almost done that... all directed towards a career in education... and then when it seemed as if it would be rather difficult to find employment, I plum gave up. Well I suppose there was more to it, all that French-test related failure, and failing at a job interview to simply supply teach in SSM, made me intensely wary. Well last night, a strange woman came up to the UNICEF kiosk and told me 1. that I was gorgeous, in an airy, infatuated voice and 2. that she could tell it was my dream to be a teacher. Hrmmmpf. Then this morning, while sitting in my beautiful light filled kitchen at my brand new kitchen table that Darren lovingly assembled reading the Globe, I saw that my horoscope said the following:
Whether you believe it or not your life is unfolding according to a design that was set at the time of your birth, and all you have to do is let fate take its course. Forget about heading off in a new direction--you've always been on the right path.
So there you have it. I'm going to giver skidoo with whatever happens... but I'm also going to try to get my name on the supply teachers list because I think I would love it. Behaviour management (as creepy and autocratic as that term sounds) has always been way more fun to me than teaching content.
I hope everyone in the world has the most wonderful day possible. LOVE!!
One of my biggest fears is sinking into a conventional life of privilege... I'm sure most of you feel the same way. And yet I wonder how a truly disenfranchised, marginalized, impoverished version of myself would feel about this sense of self-pity at my luck at being born into a relatively comfortable existence. I don't know whether the rejection of meritocracy or the acceptance of structural classism, racism, etc. would be a comfort, or whether I would simply want to punch myself in the face for wasting one blessed second of my existence on self-pity (I'm thinking the latter is much more likely). So on that note... back to my GLORIOUS morning.
It seems like years since I've been my positive self. I missed me. Somewhere along the road I got infected by a terrible fear. Don't get me wrong... I truly believe that all those fears are completely valid. Likely all the beautiful polar bears will drown sooner rather than later, likely I will have to give up my desire to birth children because there are so many children who are already born and need some lovin', Likely Stephen Harper will be elected. But... so fucking what? Living in a bitter, and hateful cocoon will not a more peaceful and loving world make.
I went for my first run since Sunday this morning. I was harder than I thought it would be but wonderful never the less! Thank the blessed creator for running!! After running 5km I decided to stop and stroll. The weather is just.... magnificent today. I went to mags n' fags and bought myself a present magazine called Good (keeping in the posi' theme) and a Globe and Mail. Great article Zosia, and many effusive congratulations on this fantastic professional accomplishment!@! I then strolled over to bridgehead and picked up some coffee for at home and a big steaming cup of coffee for me. mmm It felt so warm in my little paw chilled from sweat and cool breezes. Then I strolled right on home. The sun felt so wonderfully warm on my face and the breezes tickled my damp back. I swear to god I didn't take any drugs this morning.
Tuesday morning my friend Julie and I gave a presentation at a French school for UNICEF about their Trick or Treat campaign and it got me feeling a bunch of very uncomfortable and annoying feelings of jealousy and sadness. I love being in schools, yet I have (had?) effectively banished all dreams of ever being a teacher. Mostly do to fear of it being impossible. Now that I think about it, its rather amusing that I worked many years with one set goal in mind, gained practical experience after practical experience, completed an undergraduate degree with sufficiently high grades to get into teacher's college, got in, completed that magna cum laude (I'm not bragging, everybody gets that in teacher's college because everybody pretty much only gets A+'s), decided to do a masters degree in Education, did that... am almost done that... all directed towards a career in education... and then when it seemed as if it would be rather difficult to find employment, I plum gave up. Well I suppose there was more to it, all that French-test related failure, and failing at a job interview to simply supply teach in SSM, made me intensely wary. Well last night, a strange woman came up to the UNICEF kiosk and told me 1. that I was gorgeous, in an airy, infatuated voice and 2. that she could tell it was my dream to be a teacher. Hrmmmpf. Then this morning, while sitting in my beautiful light filled kitchen at my brand new kitchen table that Darren lovingly assembled reading the Globe, I saw that my horoscope said the following:
Whether you believe it or not your life is unfolding according to a design that was set at the time of your birth, and all you have to do is let fate take its course. Forget about heading off in a new direction--you've always been on the right path.
So there you have it. I'm going to giver skidoo with whatever happens... but I'm also going to try to get my name on the supply teachers list because I think I would love it. Behaviour management (as creepy and autocratic as that term sounds) has always been way more fun to me than teaching content.
I hope everyone in the world has the most wonderful day possible. LOVE!!