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Well, I've come to quite a few conclusions. Lord knows how many times I've said this in the past, and how many more times I'll say it before I reach the age of 20. I've come to accept that I am an extremely jealous, suspicious, and angry person... However, I've known that for quite some time now.
What I have come to realize now is just that my anger has buildt up more, and continues to do so for some odd reason. Only stressors I think I have would be school, otherwise, I've got nothin'.
I don't know how I'll manage to have a husband and keep him, the abandonment issues get worse and worse as the years progress. The more I live the less I like it.
I think I fearmost is being left alone, that's why I try to distance myself as much as possible from people. If I don't care about anyone, don't know about anyone... It wouldn't be so bad to die alone.
But to know I can't live with out atleast a few people (I'll let you guess who they are, they're still GOOD friends with me.) I like the attention and knowing I have such loving people in mylife, until they "show their claws" so to speak. For example to live with out Robert at this point is to leave me with a blank slate, and I wouldn't know how to progress.
Letting go just gets harder, and I realise, Nearly everyone is gone.
I don't miss them, I miss the company for the most part, you know.. the friendship.
Vanessa's mom is right, I DO like to be the center of attention. I'll admitt to it, not a problem. Lord knows I try my best to stand out, but can't because everyone else is trying too.... I sound selfish, but it's the way of man.
Humans are very greedy people, you can deny it but in one form or another, you're greedy. You may be greedy for altruistic or egotistical reasons, but either way... it's something you desire... hold dear and will become upset if it is left unfulfilled.
As mature as my mind is, I still find myself very childish... with all my mistakes, imperfections, need for attention.
Perhaps I need help? (I've said that before too)
Psychiatrists/ psychologists are paid to listen to me bitch, so why not?
Because I fear the answer.
It'll be the typical " You're growing up, and acting like any other teenager... just a little more emotional and moody."
I don't know.
Something is wrong with me, I'm all fucked up. I have a grudge against people and things. But no regrets, really...
I am almost sure this post is just a mess of thoughts and makes NO sense... but I needed to post. needed to write it all somewhere. *sigh* night/ Morning.
What I have come to realize now is just that my anger has buildt up more, and continues to do so for some odd reason. Only stressors I think I have would be school, otherwise, I've got nothin'.
I don't know how I'll manage to have a husband and keep him, the abandonment issues get worse and worse as the years progress. The more I live the less I like it.
I think I fearmost is being left alone, that's why I try to distance myself as much as possible from people. If I don't care about anyone, don't know about anyone... It wouldn't be so bad to die alone.
But to know I can't live with out atleast a few people (I'll let you guess who they are, they're still GOOD friends with me.) I like the attention and knowing I have such loving people in mylife, until they "show their claws" so to speak. For example to live with out Robert at this point is to leave me with a blank slate, and I wouldn't know how to progress.
Letting go just gets harder, and I realise, Nearly everyone is gone.
I don't miss them, I miss the company for the most part, you know.. the friendship.
Vanessa's mom is right, I DO like to be the center of attention. I'll admitt to it, not a problem. Lord knows I try my best to stand out, but can't because everyone else is trying too.... I sound selfish, but it's the way of man.
Humans are very greedy people, you can deny it but in one form or another, you're greedy. You may be greedy for altruistic or egotistical reasons, but either way... it's something you desire... hold dear and will become upset if it is left unfulfilled.
As mature as my mind is, I still find myself very childish... with all my mistakes, imperfections, need for attention.
Perhaps I need help? (I've said that before too)
Psychiatrists/ psychologists are paid to listen to me bitch, so why not?
Because I fear the answer.
It'll be the typical " You're growing up, and acting like any other teenager... just a little more emotional and moody."
I don't know.
Something is wrong with me, I'm all fucked up. I have a grudge against people and things. But no regrets, really...
I am almost sure this post is just a mess of thoughts and makes NO sense... but I needed to post. needed to write it all somewhere. *sigh* night/ Morning.