Besos Y lagrimas (Kisses and Tears)
As all of you know... I don't mind my family... to me they're OK. No one is perfect much less the American family. Also, I'm sure I told most of you how I'm in Jersey, and previously I've mentioned wanting to move here... just leave everything behind and move. After all... it happens eventually doesn't it? everyone leaves you so why not get a head start and be the first to start new, fresh where not even the neighbors know who you are.
This all probably sounds like a jumble of my thoughts...n but in my head it all makes sense, and that's all that matters. In the end I'll be the only one to succeed or falter in whatever comes my way. Don't get me wrong... I love the people I know with the exception of my step dad.
I don't know if any of you have had some one you look up to... look up to you and break down. Just out of the damn blue sky break down and need you, they don't care how old you are or your height nor what other man created you. I just experienced that... and it brought tears to my eyes... to watch my sister come to the doorway of the kitchen with bloodshot eyes, and then whimper "Hug me". As I stood up to hug her she held me close and squeezed and as I stood there holding her I could hear her sobs and then a tear against my jaw bone. Then I broke down... I didn't even feel my tears come out until she said "I don't want you to go. I'm happy with you here, you're happy here... I don't want you to go back to that horrid place." me: "It's OK... I can hold out..." her:"I hate the fact that I can't do anything, I really can't and I hate it I want you here with me, you're growing so fast and I can't see you everyday." me: "It's ok it's only 2 more years, not that much longer." throughout all this I'm rubbing her back... I've almost never had to hold anyone that was crying on me. then she comes out with " 2 years is a long time kiddo..." then I told her it was ok I'd be fine. Then she told me about how she has a lot on her mind and how my being around has helped it disappear for a while.
I miss my sister too, this breaks my heart. I love her more than anyone... and I don't have to think about that. When I was little I wanted to be just like her.... and I partially am like her, family members claim as I get older I'm just like her when I smile... but I'm prettier... Later I'll say more, but I have to go now.... Maybe I'll write a poem I feel like writing.
This all probably sounds like a jumble of my thoughts...n but in my head it all makes sense, and that's all that matters. In the end I'll be the only one to succeed or falter in whatever comes my way. Don't get me wrong... I love the people I know with the exception of my step dad.
I don't know if any of you have had some one you look up to... look up to you and break down. Just out of the damn blue sky break down and need you, they don't care how old you are or your height nor what other man created you. I just experienced that... and it brought tears to my eyes... to watch my sister come to the doorway of the kitchen with bloodshot eyes, and then whimper "Hug me". As I stood up to hug her she held me close and squeezed and as I stood there holding her I could hear her sobs and then a tear against my jaw bone. Then I broke down... I didn't even feel my tears come out until she said "I don't want you to go. I'm happy with you here, you're happy here... I don't want you to go back to that horrid place." me: "It's OK... I can hold out..." her:"I hate the fact that I can't do anything, I really can't and I hate it I want you here with me, you're growing so fast and I can't see you everyday." me: "It's ok it's only 2 more years, not that much longer." throughout all this I'm rubbing her back... I've almost never had to hold anyone that was crying on me. then she comes out with " 2 years is a long time kiddo..." then I told her it was ok I'd be fine. Then she told me about how she has a lot on her mind and how my being around has helped it disappear for a while.
I miss my sister too, this breaks my heart. I love her more than anyone... and I don't have to think about that. When I was little I wanted to be just like her.... and I partially am like her, family members claim as I get older I'm just like her when I smile... but I'm prettier... Later I'll say more, but I have to go now.... Maybe I'll write a poem I feel like writing.