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Apr 27, 2006 12:21

Ive always respected the people that can write with a such a huge degree of impartiality that even during the writing process (of a story, a novel, etc) they legitimately know what theyre creating. Ive taken to not updating lately mostly because I dont want another entry where the multitudinous multifaceted sensual experience that is my life gets condensed into a laundry list of events. The other reason is that nothing major has happened.

I kinda broke up with Nate. I say "kinda" because we were only "kinda" together - our only agreement was that we would "see where things went." And once things got there, it wasnt a place too far away from where we were as friends, or a very pleasant place at all. But dont tell him - he's got a heart of gold.

Ive been spending a lot of time at the house lately. I remember the days when class, immediately rushing to the library after class to finish homework, gym, and then work, kept me out of the house and doing stuff from morning til night 6 days a week and I felt like a member of society. Now I spend all my time in front of my computer [A] doing this heating project or [B] doing something else to put off doing this heating project. Crazay. Its making me really stressed and fairly irritable, and I cant wait for this week to be over - aka - for today to be over because this afternoon its due. Then I can go back to doing normal things like eating and shaving, and stop looking like a unibomber music student, and this weekend can get a haircut and go out with the guys and drink a lot and feel up hot boys.

God, I love the summer.

I misspelled the word crazy in the above paragraph into a word Ive never seen and Im not going to change it. Thats how desperate I am for change right now. Awesome.

Wait - Not awesome - crazay.

So overall I guess Im really pissed off at things right now without much of a reason to be. Yay for end of school stress.

That being said, I found something last night called wabi-sabi - the Japanese ideal that "nurtures all that is authentic by acknowledging three simple realities: nothing lasts, nothing is finished, and nothing is perfect." The belief that things are beautiful because of their inherent imperfections. That was comforting to me - the American ideal about beauty mostly descended out of the Greek/Roman ideas of perfection, and feels like it has no room for that which is in the process of growth, or continuation. There is perfection, and there is finiteness (word??), but there is no cycle, much less any inherent virtues within that cycle, or about that cycle. It seems a much more peaceful frame of mind.

Out - Greg
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