don't let the days go by......
well its been awhile and since i had a horrible day i just felt like i need to let it all out. expecially since no one reads this i can say anything i want. well today i realized im really alone at school. im not saying i dont have friends but somethings missing....a best friend. it just sucks i miss suzanne alot i know that sounds stupid and corny but its true i wish everything was how it was last year i was never so happy i had everything friends a boyfriend best friend. i was never alone. now it seems like when steves at work i sit and look at the wall or sit online and hope someone will ask me to hang out but no. i thought it wouldnt bother me because i was being a hardass and saying oh well im gonna be gone soon this just makes it easier to leave...WRONG. what am i gonna do im just so frustrated at myself and i dont know why. i know that i could call people to but thats really hard for me to do i learned that today in pysch class i need people to come to me and i live for people to like me its really a horrible quality god damn blue why cant i be green..no one will understand that but anyway maybe i can get rid of that quality but i doubt it. im freezing and so sad that in less than 12 hours im gonna be back in that shithole i dont know if i can do it. i know people will read this and be like ill be your friend but its not the same. i dont think its i want a friend i want suzanne to be my best friend again and hang out with me but now she does it with shonna and i feel like it will never get back to normal i really messed up with my life. i wish i could just go back and fix everything. ive been throguh so many friends. maybe my problem is that i push people away and im jealous. god damn it i have the worst qualitys. i guess also that i feel like there is just not enough time for me to get that close to someone. im so confused....