Seems that I have been held in some dreaming state, a tourist in the waking world, never quite awake
I'm excited! I'm now a beta for this SSHG fic, The Professor's Discretion, mwahaha!
I was moping at the diminishing amount of fic left to read, which seriously sends me into a depression every time I finish gorging on my new obsession's available fic [it was painful post-TLW, let me tell you, 'coz at least with newer ones like Mentalist and CM, etc. I'm fairly sure people will post sometime in the future but that hope ain't there with older fandoms *sniffles*] and now I have something new to fixate on. My OCD is pleased at the chance to nitpick like crazy, hee. Editing is so much easier than writing, I gotta say. >:D
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Since I haven't tried to brainwash anyone into my beloved ship lately: [except odakota_rose. *eyes hopefully*]
A hilarious scene between headmistress!Hermione and Snape, from the amazing Splintered and Broken:
He thrust a piece of paper onto the desk in front of her.
“What’s this?” She asked, looking down at it.
“It’s my CV.”
She looked back up at him.
“Why are you giving this to me?”
“I thought that was obvious, Headmistress. I’m applying for a teaching position.”
Her smile grew wider for a second before she forced all emotion from her face.
“Very well, Mr. Snape,” she said in her best headmistress voice, “If you’ll take a seat, I can conduct the interview right now.”
He nodded and sat while she pulled out a quill and her standard list of interview questions from the desk.
"Although I must inform you that it is protocol for a person seeking employment to set up an interview in advance, not to simply show up and demand one."
"I understand; however, the past few weeks have been rather busy for me," he motioned towards the newspaper which still sat on the bookshelf, "I'm sure you understand."
"Shall we get started?"
"By all means, proceed."
She glanced down at her list of interview questions.
“Please describe your last position and your relationship to your employer.”
“I was Headmaster at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry where I tried to ensure that generations of young minds would be kept ignorant and weak. I constantly betrayed my employer. He, in turn, subjected me to the Cruciatus curse whenever he felt the whim.”
“And how did your employment there end?”
“I faked my own death.”
“Would you mind if I contacted your previous employer as a reference?”
“That's probably not a good idea since you’re supposed to be a muggle and I’m supposed to be dead.”
“And what about your employer previous to that one?”
“I murdered him," he responded bluntly.
“Moving on then…why did you decide to become a teacher?”
“The decision was forced upon me.”
“Please describe your teaching style.”
“I intimidate and terrorize the students. I pick favorites based on family connections or my own whims and ridicule the others. I grade incredibly unfairly. My goal for each class is to reduce at least one student to tears. I achieve my goal with amazing consistency.”
She was putting up an admirable fight with the smile threatening to creep its way onto her face.
“I have to be honest with you, Mr. Snape, this is the worst job application I have ever received.”
“I have no doubts.” For the first time since he had arrived that night, he allowed the corners of his lips to curl into a slight smirk.
“And yet, despite your terrible employment history and abysmal teaching record, you come into my office so smug and sure that I will offer you a job.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on her desk. His expression grew serious for the first time since he had arrived. He had, after all, come here to confess his sins. She was his confessor. He laid his soul on the table bare in front of her.
“Because part of what made Albus Dumbledore a great headmaster was his ability to see the best in people. You have always shared this ability. He could find a talent in anyone and a place for them in the world he created. He even found something that the idiot half-giant oaf Hagrid was good at. I have spent the last thirty years of my life serving one master or another. I have been forced to do unspeakable things for both. I know I’m not the most amiable, the most patient teacher. I have been treated cruelly by others and have treated others cruelly. I did what I had to do. I make no excuses. I have come here seeking…” His eyes had a far away look in then as he searched for the right word.
“Redemption?” She offered.
“In a way. I have spent my life brewing evil and destruction. I would like to create, to do something good...as cliche as that sounds. Maybe it’s too late for me. Maybe I’m too old. But I really would like to help in some way. I can only hope that you can find some place in this incredible world you have created for me.”
She leaned back in her chair, studying him with a considering eye. He knew that he had her. He had known that he had her even before he had arrived. She had always had a thing for the misunderstood, mistreated outcasts. He had seen her as a child with the house elves, with that horrendous cat of hers.
“I actually do need someone to teach upper level potions and defense. We also have some research projects going on that you would be of great assistance on." She leaned forward in her chair and looked him in the eye, "I will, under NO circumstances, let you near the younger children.”
He smirked.
“I can set up quarters for you in the building. There is also a spare lab adjoining mine. You are welcome to work with me on developing new potions and spells if you like.”
“I would like that very much.”
“And one more thing. We are having our annual beginning of the year ball this evening. Since you are now a Professor of the school, your attendance is required.”
“Very well.”
He turned to leave, reaching the door.
“There are no houses here,” she called after him.
“What did you say?” He asked, turning around.
“We don’t divide the students up into houses here. There are no house points for you to subtract.”
“You take the fun out of everything, don’t you? No torturing first years! No subtracting points from Gryffindor! Next you’ll be telling me that I can’t use unforgivable curses on my own students.”
“Severus!” She called after him, but he was already halfway down the hallway, grinning broadly. This was going to be fun.
---
I usually don't read post-Voldemorte-wins fics on general principle. [It's a category bursting with rape!fics, which tend to put me off. It's usually exploited by writers who want to indulge in dark, perverted abuse and glorious sadism, so kthxbai]
But this fic is so brilliant in the way it draws parallels between the victorious!Voldemorte era and the Ministry era, the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix [one man's terrorist is another's freedom fighter, y/y?], and familiar characters are recast in different roles. 'A lot of this story is about reoccurring patterns in a new generation', as the author says- there is Hermione as the new Dumbledore, pulling strings behind the scenes and coordinating the resistance, there is a new Severus, a new Sirius and new Harry Potter...in an unexpected but poignant way.
This fic corrects all the gender!fail of the HP!verse. It wasn't intentional, apparently, but women ended up being cast in most of the crucial roles and not in a gratuitous 'super!perfect!role-model!strong-female-character' way, not the irritating 'women are superior and males are not fit to lick their shoes' way, but in believable extensions of their canon personalities, only with all their potential explored and fulfilled. I mean, minor character Lavendar is still opposed to Hermione but written in a way that makes her POV understandable and sympathetic.
And by far, the most rewarding take is on Ginny. She's cast as this tragic character, who was never fully understood in canon, who had much more depth than we ever realized, who hid her darker streak and played the innocent because it was what Harry needed. And it's so beautifully done, it hurts.
..an image of the little girl she had been flashed across his mind.
Severus thought back...to before she had led Dumbledore's Army on their acts of midnight rebellion, to before she had taken on the darkest wizards in the Department of Mysteries...back even, to before the diary...if there even was a before the diary...
She had been possessed in her first year, so close to the beginning. He tried to think back to those first few days, few weeks of her time at Hogwarts, before the diary had started to take hold, but found that he had no memory of her from that time.
What had she been like before the diary?
Potter had gotten a quick glimpse of her on his way to Hogwarts, but by the time she arrived there herself, that girl was already gone. She had spent the rest of her time there pretending to be that girl, acting the part convincingly...for him, always for him.
---
There was a mad glint in her eye. After the incidents of her first year, everyone had insisted that she was all right, that she had recovered completely. Severus had been skeptical.
She had been possessed by a dark wizard as a first year, how could she possibly be all right? He had told Dumbledore that she needed therapy, serious therapy. Dumbledore had said she was fine and had sent her away with a mug of hot chocolate. The fool.
“Why aren’t you with him? Why aren't you with Potter?”
“He left me. They left without me, never included me in their plans. They left me to wait for them in silence and fear.”
“But you’re not waiting in silence, are you?”
“No, I’m not. I’ll fight for him even if he doesn’t want me to.”
Severus stared out the window.
“He took the wrong Weasley.”
“What?”
“He would have been better off taking you with him and leaving your brother behind.”
“Perhaps.”
He turned to face her, studying her for a moment.
“But he doesn’t know, does he?”
“Doesn’t know what?”
“He doesn’t know what you can do; he doesn’t know how powerful you’ve become.”
“No,” she said sadly, “how can I tell him? If he can’t protect his mind from Tom, how can I tell him the secret that would probably mean my life?” He could tell by the way she looked at him that he was the first person she had ever spoken to about this, the first person who she had trusted both to control their mind enough to keep her secrets and to not judge her for them.
She looked at him as if she were asking his forgiveness, as if after all of the terrible things he had done, that she would ask forgiveness from him. Maybe it wasn’t forgiveness then, maybe it was understanding. Maybe it was the need to know that someone else in her situation would have done the same thing; he would have.
“Occlumency wasn’t all he taught you, was it?”
“No. He needed me to perform magic, magic far beyond what children that age would naturally have been capable of. He pushed me into things…far before I was ready for them.” The damage that he had done was irreversible. She was no doubt very powerful, but the power she possessed was beyond her control. He had forced open her magic before she had the ability to be in command of it. Severus doubted the wizard had any idea of the damage he had done. He would have thought only of his immediate needs and not the debris left in his wake. If he had any idea of the power he had given her, she would not have been allowed to live.
There was something, something about her…a darkness, he now realized. Tom had forced her to perform dark magic, a taint she could never fully get rid of. It had become a part of her. Was that what had drawn her to Potter? The kindred darkness she saw in him? The tragedy of the situation was that for him she needed to remain pure and innocent. The one thing that could help her, to speak to him about the darkness she felt would consume her, was the one thing she could never let him know.
What struck Severus was not just her maturity, but also the depth of her understanding of the role that she needed to play. Potter needed one pure, unblemished thing in his life. He needed something to fight for. He needed to believe that if he survived this, he could have a normal life. She had understood this and had hidden her darkness from him, had hidden her power. She had pretended to be someone else and she had done it out of love for him. He believed she was the nice, innocent, girl-next-door. He had no idea.
---
Last week was a lot of fun, for a few different reasons. For one, I finally got to hang out with Jacob, an old high school friend. He and his sister, Katherine, are the only friends I've managed to make and keep for more than a year, although it's unfortunate that we only get together three or four times a year, but I'll take what I can get.
Sometimes I'm a little bitter than people in RL don't make an effort to hang out with me more often- they're the ones with social lives and jobs and I'm the one with nothing on my day planner- but it's kinda funny because when Jacob and I made plans to hang out on Friday, I regretted losing my day of internet. I'm so attached to LJ and my online life, it was like, 'Hmm, do I want to sacrifice that for real live human contact? Let me weigh up what's more important...' Lol. How antisocial am I?!
The thing with Katherine and Jacob is that you can't plan for them. They're like these irresistible forces of nature- or y'know, war. No plan survives contact with them, lol. And they're prone to spontaneous last-minute plans which drives me NUTS. Jacob called on Wednesday to see if they could pick me up in five minutes to go to town, just when I'd reached my grandmother's house, which was terrible timing. I went into my whole 'don't call just two seconds before you're about to do something, give me some warning, damn it!' but to no avail, since he ended up calling again on Thursday afternoon, the idiot. Luckily, this time I managed to get him to postpone his errands til the next day.
We were only supposed to be going to Borders and to pick up a blender, but it somehow ended up being a day-long affair. We haunted Borders and made fun of all the Twilight merchandise and mocked the blurbs of other idiotic fantasy novels out loud. So much fun. >:D He's the only person that makes hanging out at the bookstore a social event. The few others I've been with either huddle away in their corner or whinge about leaving as soon as possible, so this was a novelty!
Jacob conveniently managed to forget his card, so he scammed me into shouting his coffee at Gloria Jeans, the wretch. *shakes head* And of course, the blender was out of the question, though I did offer, being fairly sure he'd refuse, lol.
Instead of ending on a whimper, the day had only just truly begun. While browsing at JB Hi-Fi, I succumbed to fangirl pressure and decided to buy Dogma and Galaxy Quest for the Alan!Rickman!love. Jacob grabbed them from my hands and lectured me about how I didn't have a job and couldn't afford to waste money and to think carefully about whether this purchase really was necessary. Forced to face facts, I concluded it was not and trailed despondently behind him as he replaced them on the shelves.
HOWEVER, we have a happy ending! Jacob offered to burn them onto dvd for me! *twirls giddily* We ended going back to his house to pick up his card and he rented Dogma- to much fangirling from the video store chick, even though 'she never talks to us!', she made an exception to gush at how amazing the movie is- so he could burn it for me. What a friend. :D I'm terribly happy. So he might forget my birthday, who cares, I'm getting two Alan Rickman movies, yay! *bounces*
We watched a bit of it over lunch with Katherine- still in her robe at early afternoon, tsk, tsk- and then headed back to town to get that blender. I love these kinds of days, where I spend ages in a car and listen to cool music- I was like 'Have you heard of Florence and the Machine?' and he's all, 'I LOVE FLorence and the Machine! I have it on my iPod!' so we listened to that. ^_^ Afterwards, we just roamed around aimlessly, and then he shouted me coffee to make up for earlier [and this time, the people put whipped cream in my iced coffee, MMM] so really, it was such a pleasant day and I didn't feel guilty for ditching the internet. :P
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The other high point of my week was seeing New Moon.
Surprising, I'm sure, given that I think most of you know my feelings about Twilight. Safe to say…I’m not a fan. I’m an anti-fan, actually, I find a great deal of amusement in reading essays and sporkings by people who tear it apart and expose its massive fail with wit and snark a-plenty. But the movie was a great deal of fun, even if I still have no more respect for the books than I ever did. *shrugs*
Let me be clear- I don’t have a problem with people who are hardcore fans of the series. You’re free to like whatever you want, same as me. In fact, I’m friends with a bunch of Twilight fans, it’s not like we have to face each other across this huge divide and ne’er the twain shall meet. Just like I have friends with different ships in my fandom, and we all still get along, it is possible to have one opinion and still respect a person who doesn’t share it.
Just accept that in my opinion, it is a load of rubbish demonstrating the creativity and skill of a third grader. There are huge plot holes and ridiculous twists and drama-for-the-sake-of-drama rather than logical, well-thought-out obstacles for the characters to overcome. The main character is appallingly selfish, self-absorbed and dependent, without a modicum of good sense in that empty head [which is probably why Edward can’t read her thoughts, she doesn’t have any] and displays so little respect for others or herself that it sends me into explosive fits of rage. ‘Let’s say for argument’s sake that I’m not smart’- oh, honey, it’s not just for the sake of argument, that’s a fact right there.
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That aside, I went to see New Moon with Lisa, who is a devoted fan and owns all four books and thinks they’re shining examples of exemplary fantasy. And we both had a marvelous time!
I think the key is to go in with zero expectations, so that it can’t help but exceed them. I did not expect it to make me laugh as often as it did. And while some of the time I was just laughing at the lame-ness of it all, there were moments when it was because the script or the actors just hit the right note and performed above par.
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Inside Bella’s head/Nightmare of Granny!Doom.
Gotta say, that field of flowers- the magical meadow where Edward and Bella lie in contorted positions all for the apparently romantic effect of gazing into each other’s eyes, which I just think if contrived and not a little creepy- has the most fake ass flowers I’ve ever seen. What was this film’s budget again? They couldn’t shell out for some decent, lifelike flowers? Or even the surreal but pretty looking ones from Pushing Daisies? CGI is your friend.
I thought Bella’s dream of being old and wrinkly was pretty understandable. The upside of the movies is that we’re spared the banal superficial whiny angst of her POV- honestly, if Edward could read her thoughts, he’d regret Bella losing her mystery, it’s painfully trivial and boring [okay, that’s age-appropriate, I admit, but don’t we want to watch someone a bit more awesome?]- and that automatically makes Bella ten times more sympathetic.
I, for one, am on her side on this issue. Edward wants to guilt her about how she’s doubting his commitment to her, blah blah blah, but he’s so not going to make out with a 60 year old granny. How’s she going to hang out with the Cullens when she’s hobbling along on a walker, all arthritic and hard of hearing or sight?
I really like Charlie. He gets rough treatment in the books- apparently needing to be taken care of like a child, completely incompetent and helpless- but he gets to be funny here. I snickered at him teasing her about spotting a grey hair. Lol. That’s NOT what Bella needs to be hearing at this point, kthxbai! Virtually EVERY character pounds the point home that she’s growing older, too old! Hee! Poor tortured Bella.
I’m not sure where I stand on Edward’s religious reasons for not turning Bella. He thinks it’ll damn her, that she’ll lose her soul. Doesn’t he consider the other Cullens his family? He loves them, right? But didn’t Carlisle go around, randomly turning them so that he wouldn’t be alone, at first, and then to provide ‘mates’ for each of them? As willful turner, depriver of souls, shouldn’t Edward loathe Carlisle? How strong are his principles if he’s willing to pal around with someone who’s violating his beliefs?
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School parking lot.
The scene with Edward striding purposefully towards Bella makes me snicker. I mean- do these people not realize the clichés they’re proliferating? What with the whole ‘perpetually windblown’ thing happening? Edward generates his own gale of wind to blow his outer shirt away from his body to provide max ogling opportunity, I suppose so that people can dreamily anticipate what will be unveiled later on. [It’s an anti-climax. He looks like a corpse, I fail to see the attraction]
Edward: *drives that stake further through Bella’s heart*Happy birthday.
Bella: Don’t remind me.
E: Your birthday is definitely something to celebrate.
B: My aging is not.
E: Your aging? I think eighteen is a little young to start worrying about that.
B: It’s one year older than you.
E: I’m 109.
B: Well, maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.
AND HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
*gapes* Since when is she- witty? That was- pretty decent! It was by this point I realized my ticket money was definitely not a waste and that I really was going to enjoy this movie. Kristen Stewart makes Bella cooler than I thought she could be! [Let’s remember I walked in with zero expectations, though]
May I reiterate that NOT having to suffer through Bella’s inner thought processes really enhances my enjoyment of the story? I can now kinda understand why Edward thinks she’s a cool person, without the whole ‘stunning Edward is stunningly gorgeous with his angelic features that would make a sculptor weep for its sheer beauty’ and ‘oh why does this heavenly creature deign to bestow his affections on me, the lowly, plain, clumsy, average girl with no talent to speak of?’
And then the third point of the love triangle appears!
B: Jacob! Hello, biceps! You know, anabolic steroids are really bad for you.
*gigglesnort* Stop making me like you, damn it!
J: I’m just filling out. It wouldn’t seem so drastic if we hung out more.
Aww. Definitely getting the crush!vibes. I don’t know how Bella can miss them.
Her giggling is certainly unwarranted given the rather standard conversation that follows [‘you should really take a ride when it’s done’/ ‘fast?’/ ‘it’s decent’], so I don’t know if that’s her being flirty because she so knows he’s into her and she’s playing up to him, or if she’s just feeling desperate and figures when in doubt, laugh like you just heard the funniest joke ever.
J: I saw this the other day and thought of you. Catches bad dreams.
Lol. Given that he doesn’t know about her night terrors, is this his way of saying she’s a nightmare?
E: How come Jacob gets to give you a present and I don’t?
B: Because I have nothing to give back to you.
E: Bella, you give me everything just by breathing.
*bites lip* I know he’s a super creepy stalker who crosses so many lines by doing weird, wrong things like breaking into her room to watch her sleep, but that…aww!
Alice: [leaps over the railing because she is too awesome to take the stairs] Bella! Happy birthday!
B: I said no presents.
A: I’ve seen you opening it and guess what? You love it!
OMG, I love Alice so much! Can I have one of her for my very own? I need her perky, bubbly, super happy nature to give me a boost and make me believe in my inner awesomeness. She’s so blissfully happy just at moody ungrateful Bella agreeing to turn up to the party being held in her honor to celebrate her.
B: Jasper! No fair on the mood control thing.
J: Sorry. Happy- [receives death glare] never mind.
E: Can’t trust vampires. [beat] Trust me.
See, it’s these moments that make me laugh out loud. That was perfectly timed and delivered, and the juxtaposition of the comments is too funny.
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Class
I totally missed what he said, something about Romeo dying out of ‘sheer stupidity’. Ooh, hi thar, foreshadowing! Also, is this retrospective self-awareness on Edward’s part?
I really don’t know how this movie is so mom!approved and escaped the censors’ attention. I mean, yes, there is no teenage sex, so yay on that front so far, but he stays in her bedroom at night without parental permission and now he’s advocating suicide if a relationship falls through. Seriously? You don’t kill yourself because you can’t live without someone. You do it because you can’t live with yourself.
And it’s so bloody emotionally manipulative of him- this is one of the signs of emotional abuse, you know. Claiming you’d kill yourself if the other person ever left you. How’s Bella supposed to cope with knowing that she was supposedly ‘responsible’? If he loved her, he wouldn’t put that burden on her shoulders. He claims to want to walk away for her best interests, but he does a damn good job of keeping her tethered and unable to move on.
Btw, it always amuses me how he talks about being a vampire and describes their super sekrit vampire society right out in the open where anybody could be listening in. How did they keep a secret for so many decades with Edward ‘loose lips sink ships’ Cullen walking around?
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Vampire party of eventual fail.
If the vamps go crazy over one teensy weensy paper cut- how, as others have debated, do they cope when it’s Bella’s *cough* time of month? Edward nearly goes homicidal just sitting next to her in class- imagine if she’d had her period then, he really might’ve gone postal and slaughtered everyone.
Back to the scene. I know they slo-mo everything because our paltry human vision could not keep up with their awe-inspiring speed, but it just makes them look kinda dumb.
And it amuses me that in ‘saving’ Bella, Edward actually causes her greater harm and puts her at more risk by getting her all cut up and extra bloody. Mmm.
Also. How did Alice not see this happening?
‘k, this is just my kink for older men kicking in here, but did that scene with Carlisle seem really intimate and suggestive to anyone? I know he was stitching her up, how unromantic, but they looked like they were cuddling. I’m just sayin’.
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So the one thing Bella wants for her birthday is for Edward to kiss her.
A) He did that before at school, so this is a special request- how?
B) Why does he look nauseous and visibly repulsed now, when he was fine with it earlier?
Gotta say, a guy looking like he’s gonna throw up would make me bloody insecure. How does she cope? No wonder she’s all kinds of messed up.
They definitely needed a soundtrack for this scene. It was unsexy in so many ways. I don’t think that this counts as romance, y’know? More like bizarre social experiment. At least music would’ve made it more interesting and less gross.
---
The music as Bella dramatically folds over her photo to hide herself and display Edward [at least, that’s what I think is happening at this point] is really beautiful. Who is it, anyone?
---
The breakup scene of epic!fail.
‘k, this is the kind of thing I mean when I talk about how crappy it can get. The acting is painfully bad here. Kristen Stewart doesn’t have a handle on emotional breakdowns. She just looks blank and out of it, mostly, then rather constipated. Where is the anguish? Where is the heartbreak? Where is her soul being crushed and inner light being snuffed out and all that jazz?
Instead, we have her pitifully trailing him through the Forbidden Forest and then crumpling into a heap. Not even that is done well. I mean, she just kinda- lets gravity take hold of her and gently paws at the earth and then snuggles deeper into the dirt and leaves. WTF. How hard is it to collapse and wail and convey some damn suffering? It was like she just got tired while out for a walk and decided to take a nap in the middle of nowhere. My god, it’s awful.
I honestly don’t see any chemistry between the pair in the break up scene. For all their determined eye-contact, it’s just flat and not half as exciting and tension-building as the Sparky eye!sex of SGA. They’re going through the motions and not really connecting the dots, just following direction without imbuing it with any spirit or energy. Yawn.
---
I don’t know about you, but if I saw a missing girl being carried by a half-naked man, would you flail just a little? Despite how irrational it is that a pervert would assault her and then return her unconscious body to safety, wouldn’t you be just the slightest bit concerned about the impropriety of it all?
The fact that nobody questions the fact that these dudes are roaming around [like a ‘troupe of male strippers on a nature retreat’, as critics put it, lol] just makes it all the more glaringly questionable. The writers needed to ‘hang a lantern on it’, as Marty explain in SG-1’s 200. You have a character question something just so that the audience knows that the writers know it’s a little off but what the hey, and then everyone can move on.
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Bella’s Self-Imposed Isolation of Pointless Despair.
This is where her innate selfishness pisses me off. I can understand moping in her room all alone for sixth months straight. But for god’s sake, why is she dramatically sitting at the old Cullen table on her lonesome, staring bleakly out the window? It’s pathetic. And it’s the kind of thing that makes a statement on camera but no sense in real life. Who would do that, honestly?
[Ignoring the fact that I put a newspaper aside for Marina in her old office every day for a few months despite the obvious fact that she wasn’t returning, just because it was a tradition I was clinging to desperately in the wake of her absence. It’s not the same]
Charlie: It’s just not normal, this behavior. And quite frankly, it’s scaring the hell out of me.
*g* Right on, parental attention!
Bella lies, badly, about arranging a play-date and he buys it. *sigh* Well, that was shortlived. It’s amusing to me that she calls up Jessica and goes, ‘It’s Bella. Bella Swan.’ Like she’s been out of circulation for so long that people don’t remember her anymore, lol.
---
It’s extremely irritating that my crappy mp3 player decided to fail on me and skip recording the entire Jacob romance subplot. I mean, the timing was eerily perfect- it didn’t kick in again til the point where she confronts him post-fur!splosion, after he’s gone hostile and sabotaged their budding romance. I think my mp3 is a closet Bella/Edward shipper. *eyes it suspiciously*
So I shall gloss over what I do recall.
I didn’t expect to like their interaction so much. From what I recall of the book- honestly, Bella does herself such a disservice as narrator, she comes off as such a shrew, with no empathy or remorse- I hated the way she used him and led him on even though there was no chance that she could ever care for him the way he wanted her to. It was all about using him to try and nearly kill herself so that she could communicate with Edward [how does that remote communication thing happen anyway?] and about distracting herself from her own misery and totally not about him at all.
---
Quoting from the cleolinda recaps, for they are brilliant and life-affirming:
Chapter 9:
I was like a lost moon--my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation--that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
Wow, I sure want my theoretical daughter to think of herself as a satellite to a man.
I sighed. "You shouldn't waste [your time] on me," I said, though I wanted him to.
Oh, of all the selfish, passive-aggressive fuckwittery...
Chapter 11:
Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
I swear to God, Bella, if you try to take up Jacob out of pity, since it's obvious that Edward's going to come back and you're going to drop Jacob like a rock, I'm going to invent a way to reach into this book and pimp-slap you.
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But the movie fixes that. We see a montage of their burgeoning relationship- the pizzas, the lengthy conversations, them two just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. And when he challenges her, asks what she would’ve done if he couldn’t fix her motorcycle, afraid and defiant and dreading what her answer would be…it’s such a lovely moment when she tells him that she would’ve just come up with something else for them to do together. Bella acts like a good friend, shock horror!
I really enjoyed seeing them and Mike at the movies. I felt so bad for him agreeing to see an action/horror movie when it was the last thing he wanted, and then throwing up, poor guy. But it did allow for a hilarious moment of one-upmanship from Jacob, ‘Marshmallow…I laugh at the gore that makes lesser men vomit’. AHAHA! Dude, I adore you just a teensy bit!
That scene on the stairs where he holds her hand and she pulls back, physically and emotionally. *winces* I can’t pick a side, they’re both equally sympathetic and guys, I never thought I could feel for Bella, so this is a huge deal for me. There have been hints that he cares for her as more than a friend [like when the other kids were teasing him that he called her his ‘girlfriend’ but she didn’t make an issue of it, just put them in their place with a gently mocking comment that highlighted their own lack of love life] but she didn’t lead him on or encourage him, she always kept things on a platonic level.
And when the point of no return arrives…she tells him plain and simple, in a melodramatic but heartfelt manner, that it won’t work, that she just can’t, all, ‘I’m not a motorcycle, you can’t fix me and make me work better’. She’s got her issues to deal with and she’s not good for him in her current state. Fair enough. I have a lot of respect for her not stringing him along just to make her feel better. I loved her putting her head on his shoulder. There is chemistry between Kristen and Taylor, no matter what the Robsten die-hards might say in denial. They click together well at this emotionally charged scenes.
I have to say, though, I feel quite sorry for Bella. She has two guys promise that they’ll be there for her and they’d never hurt her, only to promptly turn tail and abandon her. For her own safety. [That’s one plot device that never fails to make me scream with fury- the ‘it’s for your own good’ line, ugh!]
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To add some meaty plot to this soap!fest, Bella heads off on a trip down memory lane to the meadow where she and Edward gazed adoringly at each other and exchanged spectacularly banal and groan-inducing dialogue.
[E: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
B: Stupid lamb.
E: Sick, masochistic lion.]
Sadly, we are greeted with a visual of dead land, all the flowers dead or mowed down, I’m not sure which. Bella falls dramatically to her knees to paw at some grass in her despair. Then Laurent turns up! Yay drama!
L: Do the Cullens visit often?
Holographic!Edward: Lie.
B: Yeah, all the time.
Holographic!Edward: Lie better.
*gigglefit* I love this movie. It keeps defying expectations and rising to new heights of hilarity and win.
‘k, the part where Laurent’s making his death threat. I’m not sure if Kristen’s just really lousy at doing intense emotions like anguish and fear or if she deliberately downplayed it to portray Bella as stoic and resolute in the face of danger. Because there is a distinct lack of emotion as she prepares to die. It’s almost like she knows there’s a pack of werewolves lurking in the bushes, preparing to bound to the rescue!
So once again, she cheats certain death. And once again, she receives an illicit late-night male visitor in her bedroom. Oh, what sleazy minds would make of this- particularly as he’s half dressed. I kinda love that Bella takes these random opportunities to just stroke him and admire how sculpted his body is, lol. I’m not into pedophilia, but I can appreciate the eye candy.
Jacob has taken over Edward’s role of neurotic dude with bizarre mood-swings. He’s heartfelt and remorseful, disdainful and secretive, pleading with her to remember, to put the pieces of the puzzle together…honestly, if she can figure out Edward’s a vampire just from google, how hard is it to realize what Jacob’s on about when she already knows the legend?!
One more quote from cleolinda, because it made me shriek out loud with laughter:
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Chapter 11: He's a WEREWOLF, BELLA. Do we need to get Snape in here to get it through your head?
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I just watched Prisoner of Azkaban, lingering on all the Snape scenes, so this is amazingly well-timed. ‘Page three hundred and ninety-four!’ He kept drumming that into people’s heads, and then assigning them an essay all to do with identifying werewolves…hee, that makes the reference above just so super damn awesome.
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I have to say, the werewolves do a crappy job of keeping their secret. I mean, the Cullens have managed it for decades [except for Bella but she’s a special snowflake so that doesn’t count] but one little girl slaps a big brawny dude with rippling biceps who could snap her like a twig with his pinkie and he feels compelled to transform to take her down in wolf form? Really?
Bella is so much more witty and feisty in the movie! I know I’m flogging a dead horse by this point, but the woman goes, ‘So, you’re the vampire girl’ and Bella does a double-take, then wryly states, ‘So…you’re the wolf girl.’ Nicely done. So much more amusing and less cringeworthy than:
She complained lightly about the increase in the boys' appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them. It wasn't hard to be with her--after all, we were both wolf girls now.
Again, I sure want my theoretical daughter to define herself by what kind of man she's with.
Wolf boy #1: Alpha’s orders get obeyed whether we want to or not. Oh and check it out, we can hear each other’s thoughts.
Wolf boy #2: Would you shut up? These are trade secrets! Damn it! This chick runs with vampires.
Bella: You can’t really run with vampires. ‘coz they’re fast.
Oh, Kristen, great delivery. It’s so lame and self-deprecating because she knows it’s lame but can’t help cracking that joke anyway. I find it much more satisfying to laugh with this movie than at it. It’s freaking me out a little…
Btw? I’m also disturbed by the whole domestic violence thing- that casual acceptance that a werewolf is easily provoked and could maul the face off a loved one and it’s nothing to be concerned about because she cares about him, so no big. Just don’t stare at her scars because HE GETS UPSET. Seriously? *gags* Smeyer, there are no words for your fail. I’m disgusted, just so you know.
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I love the music in this movie.
I also love Victoria. For shallow reasons, I admit, I can’t claim to liking her for her personality since I’ve barely heard her deliver two lines of dialogue.
I just think she’s pretty, and she’s so graceful! The way she evades the wolves and moves through the forest, it’s poetry in motion. GUH. I could watch her on the run for ages… Plus she wants to kill Bella. Just ‘coz I’m less of a hater and more of a fan doesn’t mean I automatically dislike anyone out for her blood, y’know. I’m in the habit of cheering them on, it’s too ingrained by now!
The hunt for Victoria fortuitously leads Jacob to be on hand to pull Bella’s ass out of the sea when her crazy need for an adrenaline rush nearly turns fatal as the waves threaten to dash her brains out against the rocks. [‘Next time we’ll hire professional waves’] Would’ve served her right to end up paralyzed from the waist down, but of course she survives perfectly intact, with nary a sniffle to hint at her ordeal.
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Ooh, Alice! I love her so much, she totally deserves to be the star of her own movie! *squishes*
A: Why the hell were you trying to kill yourself?! What about Charlie, what about-
B: I didn’t try to kill myself. I was cliff-jumping. Recreationally. It was- fun.
*g* Another example of how the movie is more awesome than the book. Bella sounds perfectly aware of how crazy she sounds and how dubious her judgment was and trails off guiltily. Kristen does such a good job of redeeming her.
A: I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy!
*dies laughing* Marry me, Alice! I don’t deserve your awesome but I could so use you in my life!
A: Bella, what is that godawful wet-dog smell?
J: I had to make sure you were safe.
A: Well, I’m not going to hurt her.
J: No, you’re just a harmless Cullen. I’m talking about the other blood-sucker that’s trying to kill her because of you.
A: Victoria? I didn’t see her. I didn’t see you get pulled out of the water either…*turns on Jacob* I can’t see past you and your pack of mutts!
ZING! :D
B: You’re not going anywhere- you’re going to come back?
A: As soon as you put the dog out.
LMAO! She is so hilarious with her prim and proper tones and her snide put-downs. Dear god, she is amazing! Why can’t everyone be this awesome?
Oh, Jacob. You stupid blind boy. I get him being an ass and hanging up on Edward because he can’t stand the competition. But to order Bella to stay behind? To plead with her to let Edward go and kill himself? Not his finest moment. He never really had a chance with her, but that clinched it. Forcing her to choose between the two of them is a fool’s gambit, because ‘it’ll be him’. *shakes head sadly* I hate hate HATE when people issue ultimatums, it never ever ends well. Why is it so hard for people to frakking compromise?! For that matter, why is it so hard to treat the people they love with kindness and compassion? If he truly loved her, he would do what was best for her even if it hurt him. Otherwise, it’s just selfish and childish and really low of him.
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I never really understood why Alice couldn’t go talk him down. She’s all ‘Bella, you’re the only one he can’t see coming. If I go, he’ll read my thoughts and think I’m lying…’ Well, if she goes ‘hey, Edward, Bella’s alive, why don’t you hold off on the suicide mission?’ wouldn’t he feel the slightest inclination to put it off til another day? The Volturi would be perfectly happy to execute him on any occasion he demonstrates a stunningly stupid lack of self-preservation. It seems a paper-thin excuse to put the burden on Bella’s shoulders just to amp the tension.
How does he not see her coming?! Honestly, don’t vampires get super!senses? Like enhanced vision and hearing and most of all, SCENT? Gah! But all ends well, she tackles him before the crowd can catch a glimpse of his unsightly chest, thank god. I don’t know why RPattz is such a sex symbol, his naked torso is a ghastly sight. He’s all corpse-like and icky and- *shudders*
I hate the kissing scenes. It never seems realistic. If they are a couple, they sure do a good job of hiding it, the kisses are awkward and almost unpracticed. It’s embarrassing. But at least we get some music in the background, because it was really cringe-worthy earlier when I had to endure the supposed romance of the moment without any music to distract me.
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I’m so disappointed the Volturi played such a teensy part in this movie. I wanted way more of the Dakota!awesome. I really liked Jane, more for the way Dakota played her than anything because we barely got to see her. *pouts*
Her power is kickass, though. *evil smirk* I just adore the cold, composed characters that are all about internal rather than external acting, it’s more about what they let slip in moments when their control wavers- like when she’s all ‘this may hurt just a little’ but her power fails to affect Bella and she gets this cute wrinkle of consternation on her face- rather than ‘heart on the sleeve’ types where every thought is telegraphed plain and clear. *yawns*
Oh, god, Alice’s vision is so laaaaame. Edward and Bella look really dreadful and cheesy and not all that attractive, ack. But maybe I’m biased because this leads to the most godawful so-called cliffhanger of all time:
And one more time!
SHE WANTS TO BE A VAMPIRE BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? IT'S NOT HIGH ON HER LIST OF PRIORITIES? SHE'S TOTALLY COOL WITH BEING A VAMPIRE FOREVER BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? "I'm only eighteen" BUT SHE WANTS TO DIE? I DON'T--WHAT--AUGH?
I am so stunned by Bella's bizarro double standards that I don't even have time to deal with the shitty way she treats her father. *head desk desk desk*
"If you stay, I don't need heaven." The fundies get upset about Harry Potter but not THIS?
Also, also, from the third book sporking, because it sums up how ridiculous this contrived, fake-ass drama is:
Oh Lord, Bella's decided that she wants to lose her virginity before she becomes a vampire. But he won't do that if they're not married! But she won't marry him if he won't let her become a vampire! But she won't let him make her a vampire unless he takes her cherry first! Dude, it's like that riddle about the fox and the goose and the bag of wheat trying to cross the river on a boat made for two.
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Vidspam.
I was moping at the diminishing amount of fic left to read, which seriously sends me into a depression every time I finish gorging on my new obsession's available fic [it was painful post-TLW, let me tell you, 'coz at least with newer ones like Mentalist and CM, etc. I'm fairly sure people will post sometime in the future but that hope ain't there with older fandoms *sniffles*] and now I have something new to fixate on. My OCD is pleased at the chance to nitpick like crazy, hee. Editing is so much easier than writing, I gotta say. >:D
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Since I haven't tried to brainwash anyone into my beloved ship lately: [except odakota_rose. *eyes hopefully*]
A hilarious scene between headmistress!Hermione and Snape, from the amazing Splintered and Broken:
He thrust a piece of paper onto the desk in front of her.
“What’s this?” She asked, looking down at it.
“It’s my CV.”
She looked back up at him.
“Why are you giving this to me?”
“I thought that was obvious, Headmistress. I’m applying for a teaching position.”
Her smile grew wider for a second before she forced all emotion from her face.
“Very well, Mr. Snape,” she said in her best headmistress voice, “If you’ll take a seat, I can conduct the interview right now.”
He nodded and sat while she pulled out a quill and her standard list of interview questions from the desk.
"Although I must inform you that it is protocol for a person seeking employment to set up an interview in advance, not to simply show up and demand one."
"I understand; however, the past few weeks have been rather busy for me," he motioned towards the newspaper which still sat on the bookshelf, "I'm sure you understand."
"Shall we get started?"
"By all means, proceed."
She glanced down at her list of interview questions.
“Please describe your last position and your relationship to your employer.”
“I was Headmaster at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry where I tried to ensure that generations of young minds would be kept ignorant and weak. I constantly betrayed my employer. He, in turn, subjected me to the Cruciatus curse whenever he felt the whim.”
“And how did your employment there end?”
“I faked my own death.”
“Would you mind if I contacted your previous employer as a reference?”
“That's probably not a good idea since you’re supposed to be a muggle and I’m supposed to be dead.”
“And what about your employer previous to that one?”
“I murdered him," he responded bluntly.
“Moving on then…why did you decide to become a teacher?”
“The decision was forced upon me.”
“Please describe your teaching style.”
“I intimidate and terrorize the students. I pick favorites based on family connections or my own whims and ridicule the others. I grade incredibly unfairly. My goal for each class is to reduce at least one student to tears. I achieve my goal with amazing consistency.”
She was putting up an admirable fight with the smile threatening to creep its way onto her face.
“I have to be honest with you, Mr. Snape, this is the worst job application I have ever received.”
“I have no doubts.” For the first time since he had arrived that night, he allowed the corners of his lips to curl into a slight smirk.
“And yet, despite your terrible employment history and abysmal teaching record, you come into my office so smug and sure that I will offer you a job.”
“Yes.”
“Why?”
He leaned forward, resting his elbows on her desk. His expression grew serious for the first time since he had arrived. He had, after all, come here to confess his sins. She was his confessor. He laid his soul on the table bare in front of her.
“Because part of what made Albus Dumbledore a great headmaster was his ability to see the best in people. You have always shared this ability. He could find a talent in anyone and a place for them in the world he created. He even found something that the idiot half-giant oaf Hagrid was good at. I have spent the last thirty years of my life serving one master or another. I have been forced to do unspeakable things for both. I know I’m not the most amiable, the most patient teacher. I have been treated cruelly by others and have treated others cruelly. I did what I had to do. I make no excuses. I have come here seeking…” His eyes had a far away look in then as he searched for the right word.
“Redemption?” She offered.
“In a way. I have spent my life brewing evil and destruction. I would like to create, to do something good...as cliche as that sounds. Maybe it’s too late for me. Maybe I’m too old. But I really would like to help in some way. I can only hope that you can find some place in this incredible world you have created for me.”
She leaned back in her chair, studying him with a considering eye. He knew that he had her. He had known that he had her even before he had arrived. She had always had a thing for the misunderstood, mistreated outcasts. He had seen her as a child with the house elves, with that horrendous cat of hers.
“I actually do need someone to teach upper level potions and defense. We also have some research projects going on that you would be of great assistance on." She leaned forward in her chair and looked him in the eye, "I will, under NO circumstances, let you near the younger children.”
He smirked.
“I can set up quarters for you in the building. There is also a spare lab adjoining mine. You are welcome to work with me on developing new potions and spells if you like.”
“I would like that very much.”
“And one more thing. We are having our annual beginning of the year ball this evening. Since you are now a Professor of the school, your attendance is required.”
“Very well.”
He turned to leave, reaching the door.
“There are no houses here,” she called after him.
“What did you say?” He asked, turning around.
“We don’t divide the students up into houses here. There are no house points for you to subtract.”
“You take the fun out of everything, don’t you? No torturing first years! No subtracting points from Gryffindor! Next you’ll be telling me that I can’t use unforgivable curses on my own students.”
“Severus!” She called after him, but he was already halfway down the hallway, grinning broadly. This was going to be fun.
---
I usually don't read post-Voldemorte-wins fics on general principle. [It's a category bursting with rape!fics, which tend to put me off. It's usually exploited by writers who want to indulge in dark, perverted abuse and glorious sadism, so kthxbai]
But this fic is so brilliant in the way it draws parallels between the victorious!Voldemorte era and the Ministry era, the Death Eaters and the Order of the Phoenix [one man's terrorist is another's freedom fighter, y/y?], and familiar characters are recast in different roles. 'A lot of this story is about reoccurring patterns in a new generation', as the author says- there is Hermione as the new Dumbledore, pulling strings behind the scenes and coordinating the resistance, there is a new Severus, a new Sirius and new Harry Potter...in an unexpected but poignant way.
This fic corrects all the gender!fail of the HP!verse. It wasn't intentional, apparently, but women ended up being cast in most of the crucial roles and not in a gratuitous 'super!perfect!role-model!strong-female-character' way, not the irritating 'women are superior and males are not fit to lick their shoes' way, but in believable extensions of their canon personalities, only with all their potential explored and fulfilled. I mean, minor character Lavendar is still opposed to Hermione but written in a way that makes her POV understandable and sympathetic.
And by far, the most rewarding take is on Ginny. She's cast as this tragic character, who was never fully understood in canon, who had much more depth than we ever realized, who hid her darker streak and played the innocent because it was what Harry needed. And it's so beautifully done, it hurts.
..an image of the little girl she had been flashed across his mind.
Severus thought back...to before she had led Dumbledore's Army on their acts of midnight rebellion, to before she had taken on the darkest wizards in the Department of Mysteries...back even, to before the diary...if there even was a before the diary...
She had been possessed in her first year, so close to the beginning. He tried to think back to those first few days, few weeks of her time at Hogwarts, before the diary had started to take hold, but found that he had no memory of her from that time.
What had she been like before the diary?
Potter had gotten a quick glimpse of her on his way to Hogwarts, but by the time she arrived there herself, that girl was already gone. She had spent the rest of her time there pretending to be that girl, acting the part convincingly...for him, always for him.
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There was a mad glint in her eye. After the incidents of her first year, everyone had insisted that she was all right, that she had recovered completely. Severus had been skeptical.
She had been possessed by a dark wizard as a first year, how could she possibly be all right? He had told Dumbledore that she needed therapy, serious therapy. Dumbledore had said she was fine and had sent her away with a mug of hot chocolate. The fool.
“Why aren’t you with him? Why aren't you with Potter?”
“He left me. They left without me, never included me in their plans. They left me to wait for them in silence and fear.”
“But you’re not waiting in silence, are you?”
“No, I’m not. I’ll fight for him even if he doesn’t want me to.”
Severus stared out the window.
“He took the wrong Weasley.”
“What?”
“He would have been better off taking you with him and leaving your brother behind.”
“Perhaps.”
He turned to face her, studying her for a moment.
“But he doesn’t know, does he?”
“Doesn’t know what?”
“He doesn’t know what you can do; he doesn’t know how powerful you’ve become.”
“No,” she said sadly, “how can I tell him? If he can’t protect his mind from Tom, how can I tell him the secret that would probably mean my life?” He could tell by the way she looked at him that he was the first person she had ever spoken to about this, the first person who she had trusted both to control their mind enough to keep her secrets and to not judge her for them.
She looked at him as if she were asking his forgiveness, as if after all of the terrible things he had done, that she would ask forgiveness from him. Maybe it wasn’t forgiveness then, maybe it was understanding. Maybe it was the need to know that someone else in her situation would have done the same thing; he would have.
“Occlumency wasn’t all he taught you, was it?”
“No. He needed me to perform magic, magic far beyond what children that age would naturally have been capable of. He pushed me into things…far before I was ready for them.” The damage that he had done was irreversible. She was no doubt very powerful, but the power she possessed was beyond her control. He had forced open her magic before she had the ability to be in command of it. Severus doubted the wizard had any idea of the damage he had done. He would have thought only of his immediate needs and not the debris left in his wake. If he had any idea of the power he had given her, she would not have been allowed to live.
There was something, something about her…a darkness, he now realized. Tom had forced her to perform dark magic, a taint she could never fully get rid of. It had become a part of her. Was that what had drawn her to Potter? The kindred darkness she saw in him? The tragedy of the situation was that for him she needed to remain pure and innocent. The one thing that could help her, to speak to him about the darkness she felt would consume her, was the one thing she could never let him know.
What struck Severus was not just her maturity, but also the depth of her understanding of the role that she needed to play. Potter needed one pure, unblemished thing in his life. He needed something to fight for. He needed to believe that if he survived this, he could have a normal life. She had understood this and had hidden her darkness from him, had hidden her power. She had pretended to be someone else and she had done it out of love for him. He believed she was the nice, innocent, girl-next-door. He had no idea.
---
Last week was a lot of fun, for a few different reasons. For one, I finally got to hang out with Jacob, an old high school friend. He and his sister, Katherine, are the only friends I've managed to make and keep for more than a year, although it's unfortunate that we only get together three or four times a year, but I'll take what I can get.
Sometimes I'm a little bitter than people in RL don't make an effort to hang out with me more often- they're the ones with social lives and jobs and I'm the one with nothing on my day planner- but it's kinda funny because when Jacob and I made plans to hang out on Friday, I regretted losing my day of internet. I'm so attached to LJ and my online life, it was like, 'Hmm, do I want to sacrifice that for real live human contact? Let me weigh up what's more important...' Lol. How antisocial am I?!
The thing with Katherine and Jacob is that you can't plan for them. They're like these irresistible forces of nature- or y'know, war. No plan survives contact with them, lol. And they're prone to spontaneous last-minute plans which drives me NUTS. Jacob called on Wednesday to see if they could pick me up in five minutes to go to town, just when I'd reached my grandmother's house, which was terrible timing. I went into my whole 'don't call just two seconds before you're about to do something, give me some warning, damn it!' but to no avail, since he ended up calling again on Thursday afternoon, the idiot. Luckily, this time I managed to get him to postpone his errands til the next day.
We were only supposed to be going to Borders and to pick up a blender, but it somehow ended up being a day-long affair. We haunted Borders and made fun of all the Twilight merchandise and mocked the blurbs of other idiotic fantasy novels out loud. So much fun. >:D He's the only person that makes hanging out at the bookstore a social event. The few others I've been with either huddle away in their corner or whinge about leaving as soon as possible, so this was a novelty!
Jacob conveniently managed to forget his card, so he scammed me into shouting his coffee at Gloria Jeans, the wretch. *shakes head* And of course, the blender was out of the question, though I did offer, being fairly sure he'd refuse, lol.
Instead of ending on a whimper, the day had only just truly begun. While browsing at JB Hi-Fi, I succumbed to fangirl pressure and decided to buy Dogma and Galaxy Quest for the Alan!Rickman!love. Jacob grabbed them from my hands and lectured me about how I didn't have a job and couldn't afford to waste money and to think carefully about whether this purchase really was necessary. Forced to face facts, I concluded it was not and trailed despondently behind him as he replaced them on the shelves.
HOWEVER, we have a happy ending! Jacob offered to burn them onto dvd for me! *twirls giddily* We ended going back to his house to pick up his card and he rented Dogma- to much fangirling from the video store chick, even though 'she never talks to us!', she made an exception to gush at how amazing the movie is- so he could burn it for me. What a friend. :D I'm terribly happy. So he might forget my birthday, who cares, I'm getting two Alan Rickman movies, yay! *bounces*
We watched a bit of it over lunch with Katherine- still in her robe at early afternoon, tsk, tsk- and then headed back to town to get that blender. I love these kinds of days, where I spend ages in a car and listen to cool music- I was like 'Have you heard of Florence and the Machine?' and he's all, 'I LOVE FLorence and the Machine! I have it on my iPod!' so we listened to that. ^_^ Afterwards, we just roamed around aimlessly, and then he shouted me coffee to make up for earlier [and this time, the people put whipped cream in my iced coffee, MMM] so really, it was such a pleasant day and I didn't feel guilty for ditching the internet. :P
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The other high point of my week was seeing New Moon.
Surprising, I'm sure, given that I think most of you know my feelings about Twilight. Safe to say…I’m not a fan. I’m an anti-fan, actually, I find a great deal of amusement in reading essays and sporkings by people who tear it apart and expose its massive fail with wit and snark a-plenty. But the movie was a great deal of fun, even if I still have no more respect for the books than I ever did. *shrugs*
Let me be clear- I don’t have a problem with people who are hardcore fans of the series. You’re free to like whatever you want, same as me. In fact, I’m friends with a bunch of Twilight fans, it’s not like we have to face each other across this huge divide and ne’er the twain shall meet. Just like I have friends with different ships in my fandom, and we all still get along, it is possible to have one opinion and still respect a person who doesn’t share it.
Just accept that in my opinion, it is a load of rubbish demonstrating the creativity and skill of a third grader. There are huge plot holes and ridiculous twists and drama-for-the-sake-of-drama rather than logical, well-thought-out obstacles for the characters to overcome. The main character is appallingly selfish, self-absorbed and dependent, without a modicum of good sense in that empty head [which is probably why Edward can’t read her thoughts, she doesn’t have any] and displays so little respect for others or herself that it sends me into explosive fits of rage. ‘Let’s say for argument’s sake that I’m not smart’- oh, honey, it’s not just for the sake of argument, that’s a fact right there.
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That aside, I went to see New Moon with Lisa, who is a devoted fan and owns all four books and thinks they’re shining examples of exemplary fantasy. And we both had a marvelous time!
I think the key is to go in with zero expectations, so that it can’t help but exceed them. I did not expect it to make me laugh as often as it did. And while some of the time I was just laughing at the lame-ness of it all, there were moments when it was because the script or the actors just hit the right note and performed above par.
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Inside Bella’s head/Nightmare of Granny!Doom.
Gotta say, that field of flowers- the magical meadow where Edward and Bella lie in contorted positions all for the apparently romantic effect of gazing into each other’s eyes, which I just think if contrived and not a little creepy- has the most fake ass flowers I’ve ever seen. What was this film’s budget again? They couldn’t shell out for some decent, lifelike flowers? Or even the surreal but pretty looking ones from Pushing Daisies? CGI is your friend.
I thought Bella’s dream of being old and wrinkly was pretty understandable. The upside of the movies is that we’re spared the banal superficial whiny angst of her POV- honestly, if Edward could read her thoughts, he’d regret Bella losing her mystery, it’s painfully trivial and boring [okay, that’s age-appropriate, I admit, but don’t we want to watch someone a bit more awesome?]- and that automatically makes Bella ten times more sympathetic.
I, for one, am on her side on this issue. Edward wants to guilt her about how she’s doubting his commitment to her, blah blah blah, but he’s so not going to make out with a 60 year old granny. How’s she going to hang out with the Cullens when she’s hobbling along on a walker, all arthritic and hard of hearing or sight?
I really like Charlie. He gets rough treatment in the books- apparently needing to be taken care of like a child, completely incompetent and helpless- but he gets to be funny here. I snickered at him teasing her about spotting a grey hair. Lol. That’s NOT what Bella needs to be hearing at this point, kthxbai! Virtually EVERY character pounds the point home that she’s growing older, too old! Hee! Poor tortured Bella.
I’m not sure where I stand on Edward’s religious reasons for not turning Bella. He thinks it’ll damn her, that she’ll lose her soul. Doesn’t he consider the other Cullens his family? He loves them, right? But didn’t Carlisle go around, randomly turning them so that he wouldn’t be alone, at first, and then to provide ‘mates’ for each of them? As willful turner, depriver of souls, shouldn’t Edward loathe Carlisle? How strong are his principles if he’s willing to pal around with someone who’s violating his beliefs?
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School parking lot.
The scene with Edward striding purposefully towards Bella makes me snicker. I mean- do these people not realize the clichés they’re proliferating? What with the whole ‘perpetually windblown’ thing happening? Edward generates his own gale of wind to blow his outer shirt away from his body to provide max ogling opportunity, I suppose so that people can dreamily anticipate what will be unveiled later on. [It’s an anti-climax. He looks like a corpse, I fail to see the attraction]
Edward: *drives that stake further through Bella’s heart*Happy birthday.
Bella: Don’t remind me.
E: Your birthday is definitely something to celebrate.
B: My aging is not.
E: Your aging? I think eighteen is a little young to start worrying about that.
B: It’s one year older than you.
E: I’m 109.
B: Well, maybe I shouldn’t be dating such an old man. It’s gross. I should be thoroughly repulsed.
AND HOLD IT RIGHT THERE.
*gapes* Since when is she- witty? That was- pretty decent! It was by this point I realized my ticket money was definitely not a waste and that I really was going to enjoy this movie. Kristen Stewart makes Bella cooler than I thought she could be! [Let’s remember I walked in with zero expectations, though]
May I reiterate that NOT having to suffer through Bella’s inner thought processes really enhances my enjoyment of the story? I can now kinda understand why Edward thinks she’s a cool person, without the whole ‘stunning Edward is stunningly gorgeous with his angelic features that would make a sculptor weep for its sheer beauty’ and ‘oh why does this heavenly creature deign to bestow his affections on me, the lowly, plain, clumsy, average girl with no talent to speak of?’
And then the third point of the love triangle appears!
B: Jacob! Hello, biceps! You know, anabolic steroids are really bad for you.
*gigglesnort* Stop making me like you, damn it!
J: I’m just filling out. It wouldn’t seem so drastic if we hung out more.
Aww. Definitely getting the crush!vibes. I don’t know how Bella can miss them.
Her giggling is certainly unwarranted given the rather standard conversation that follows [‘you should really take a ride when it’s done’/ ‘fast?’/ ‘it’s decent’], so I don’t know if that’s her being flirty because she so knows he’s into her and she’s playing up to him, or if she’s just feeling desperate and figures when in doubt, laugh like you just heard the funniest joke ever.
J: I saw this the other day and thought of you. Catches bad dreams.
Lol. Given that he doesn’t know about her night terrors, is this his way of saying she’s a nightmare?
E: How come Jacob gets to give you a present and I don’t?
B: Because I have nothing to give back to you.
E: Bella, you give me everything just by breathing.
*bites lip* I know he’s a super creepy stalker who crosses so many lines by doing weird, wrong things like breaking into her room to watch her sleep, but that…aww!
Alice: [leaps over the railing because she is too awesome to take the stairs] Bella! Happy birthday!
B: I said no presents.
A: I’ve seen you opening it and guess what? You love it!
OMG, I love Alice so much! Can I have one of her for my very own? I need her perky, bubbly, super happy nature to give me a boost and make me believe in my inner awesomeness. She’s so blissfully happy just at moody ungrateful Bella agreeing to turn up to the party being held in her honor to celebrate her.
B: Jasper! No fair on the mood control thing.
J: Sorry. Happy- [receives death glare] never mind.
E: Can’t trust vampires. [beat] Trust me.
See, it’s these moments that make me laugh out loud. That was perfectly timed and delivered, and the juxtaposition of the comments is too funny.
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Class
I totally missed what he said, something about Romeo dying out of ‘sheer stupidity’. Ooh, hi thar, foreshadowing! Also, is this retrospective self-awareness on Edward’s part?
I really don’t know how this movie is so mom!approved and escaped the censors’ attention. I mean, yes, there is no teenage sex, so yay on that front so far, but he stays in her bedroom at night without parental permission and now he’s advocating suicide if a relationship falls through. Seriously? You don’t kill yourself because you can’t live without someone. You do it because you can’t live with yourself.
And it’s so bloody emotionally manipulative of him- this is one of the signs of emotional abuse, you know. Claiming you’d kill yourself if the other person ever left you. How’s Bella supposed to cope with knowing that she was supposedly ‘responsible’? If he loved her, he wouldn’t put that burden on her shoulders. He claims to want to walk away for her best interests, but he does a damn good job of keeping her tethered and unable to move on.
Btw, it always amuses me how he talks about being a vampire and describes their super sekrit vampire society right out in the open where anybody could be listening in. How did they keep a secret for so many decades with Edward ‘loose lips sink ships’ Cullen walking around?
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Vampire party of eventual fail.
If the vamps go crazy over one teensy weensy paper cut- how, as others have debated, do they cope when it’s Bella’s *cough* time of month? Edward nearly goes homicidal just sitting next to her in class- imagine if she’d had her period then, he really might’ve gone postal and slaughtered everyone.
Back to the scene. I know they slo-mo everything because our paltry human vision could not keep up with their awe-inspiring speed, but it just makes them look kinda dumb.
And it amuses me that in ‘saving’ Bella, Edward actually causes her greater harm and puts her at more risk by getting her all cut up and extra bloody. Mmm.
Also. How did Alice not see this happening?
‘k, this is just my kink for older men kicking in here, but did that scene with Carlisle seem really intimate and suggestive to anyone? I know he was stitching her up, how unromantic, but they looked like they were cuddling. I’m just sayin’.
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So the one thing Bella wants for her birthday is for Edward to kiss her.
A) He did that before at school, so this is a special request- how?
B) Why does he look nauseous and visibly repulsed now, when he was fine with it earlier?
Gotta say, a guy looking like he’s gonna throw up would make me bloody insecure. How does she cope? No wonder she’s all kinds of messed up.
They definitely needed a soundtrack for this scene. It was unsexy in so many ways. I don’t think that this counts as romance, y’know? More like bizarre social experiment. At least music would’ve made it more interesting and less gross.
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The music as Bella dramatically folds over her photo to hide herself and display Edward [at least, that’s what I think is happening at this point] is really beautiful. Who is it, anyone?
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The breakup scene of epic!fail.
‘k, this is the kind of thing I mean when I talk about how crappy it can get. The acting is painfully bad here. Kristen Stewart doesn’t have a handle on emotional breakdowns. She just looks blank and out of it, mostly, then rather constipated. Where is the anguish? Where is the heartbreak? Where is her soul being crushed and inner light being snuffed out and all that jazz?
Instead, we have her pitifully trailing him through the Forbidden Forest and then crumpling into a heap. Not even that is done well. I mean, she just kinda- lets gravity take hold of her and gently paws at the earth and then snuggles deeper into the dirt and leaves. WTF. How hard is it to collapse and wail and convey some damn suffering? It was like she just got tired while out for a walk and decided to take a nap in the middle of nowhere. My god, it’s awful.
I honestly don’t see any chemistry between the pair in the break up scene. For all their determined eye-contact, it’s just flat and not half as exciting and tension-building as the Sparky eye!sex of SGA. They’re going through the motions and not really connecting the dots, just following direction without imbuing it with any spirit or energy. Yawn.
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I don’t know about you, but if I saw a missing girl being carried by a half-naked man, would you flail just a little? Despite how irrational it is that a pervert would assault her and then return her unconscious body to safety, wouldn’t you be just the slightest bit concerned about the impropriety of it all?
The fact that nobody questions the fact that these dudes are roaming around [like a ‘troupe of male strippers on a nature retreat’, as critics put it, lol] just makes it all the more glaringly questionable. The writers needed to ‘hang a lantern on it’, as Marty explain in SG-1’s 200. You have a character question something just so that the audience knows that the writers know it’s a little off but what the hey, and then everyone can move on.
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Bella’s Self-Imposed Isolation of Pointless Despair.
This is where her innate selfishness pisses me off. I can understand moping in her room all alone for sixth months straight. But for god’s sake, why is she dramatically sitting at the old Cullen table on her lonesome, staring bleakly out the window? It’s pathetic. And it’s the kind of thing that makes a statement on camera but no sense in real life. Who would do that, honestly?
[Ignoring the fact that I put a newspaper aside for Marina in her old office every day for a few months despite the obvious fact that she wasn’t returning, just because it was a tradition I was clinging to desperately in the wake of her absence. It’s not the same]
Charlie: It’s just not normal, this behavior. And quite frankly, it’s scaring the hell out of me.
*g* Right on, parental attention!
Bella lies, badly, about arranging a play-date and he buys it. *sigh* Well, that was shortlived. It’s amusing to me that she calls up Jessica and goes, ‘It’s Bella. Bella Swan.’ Like she’s been out of circulation for so long that people don’t remember her anymore, lol.
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It’s extremely irritating that my crappy mp3 player decided to fail on me and skip recording the entire Jacob romance subplot. I mean, the timing was eerily perfect- it didn’t kick in again til the point where she confronts him post-fur!splosion, after he’s gone hostile and sabotaged their budding romance. I think my mp3 is a closet Bella/Edward shipper. *eyes it suspiciously*
So I shall gloss over what I do recall.
I didn’t expect to like their interaction so much. From what I recall of the book- honestly, Bella does herself such a disservice as narrator, she comes off as such a shrew, with no empathy or remorse- I hated the way she used him and led him on even though there was no chance that she could ever care for him the way he wanted her to. It was all about using him to try and nearly kill herself so that she could communicate with Edward [how does that remote communication thing happen anyway?] and about distracting herself from her own misery and totally not about him at all.
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Quoting from the cleolinda recaps, for they are brilliant and life-affirming:
Chapter 9:
I was like a lost moon--my planet destroyed in some cataclysmic, disaster-movie scenario of desolation--that continued, nevertheless, to circle in a tight little orbit around the empty space left behind, ignoring the laws of gravity.
Wow, I sure want my theoretical daughter to think of herself as a satellite to a man.
I sighed. "You shouldn't waste [your time] on me," I said, though I wanted him to.
Oh, of all the selfish, passive-aggressive fuckwittery...
Chapter 11:
Would it be so wrong to try to make Jacob happy? Even if the love I felt for him was no more than a weak echo of what I was capable of, even if my heart was far away, wandering and grieving after my fickle Romeo, would it be so very wrong?
I swear to God, Bella, if you try to take up Jacob out of pity, since it's obvious that Edward's going to come back and you're going to drop Jacob like a rock, I'm going to invent a way to reach into this book and pimp-slap you.
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But the movie fixes that. We see a montage of their burgeoning relationship- the pizzas, the lengthy conversations, them two just hanging out and enjoying each other’s company. And when he challenges her, asks what she would’ve done if he couldn’t fix her motorcycle, afraid and defiant and dreading what her answer would be…it’s such a lovely moment when she tells him that she would’ve just come up with something else for them to do together. Bella acts like a good friend, shock horror!
I really enjoyed seeing them and Mike at the movies. I felt so bad for him agreeing to see an action/horror movie when it was the last thing he wanted, and then throwing up, poor guy. But it did allow for a hilarious moment of one-upmanship from Jacob, ‘Marshmallow…I laugh at the gore that makes lesser men vomit’. AHAHA! Dude, I adore you just a teensy bit!
That scene on the stairs where he holds her hand and she pulls back, physically and emotionally. *winces* I can’t pick a side, they’re both equally sympathetic and guys, I never thought I could feel for Bella, so this is a huge deal for me. There have been hints that he cares for her as more than a friend [like when the other kids were teasing him that he called her his ‘girlfriend’ but she didn’t make an issue of it, just put them in their place with a gently mocking comment that highlighted their own lack of love life] but she didn’t lead him on or encourage him, she always kept things on a platonic level.
And when the point of no return arrives…she tells him plain and simple, in a melodramatic but heartfelt manner, that it won’t work, that she just can’t, all, ‘I’m not a motorcycle, you can’t fix me and make me work better’. She’s got her issues to deal with and she’s not good for him in her current state. Fair enough. I have a lot of respect for her not stringing him along just to make her feel better. I loved her putting her head on his shoulder. There is chemistry between Kristen and Taylor, no matter what the Robsten die-hards might say in denial. They click together well at this emotionally charged scenes.
I have to say, though, I feel quite sorry for Bella. She has two guys promise that they’ll be there for her and they’d never hurt her, only to promptly turn tail and abandon her. For her own safety. [That’s one plot device that never fails to make me scream with fury- the ‘it’s for your own good’ line, ugh!]
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To add some meaty plot to this soap!fest, Bella heads off on a trip down memory lane to the meadow where she and Edward gazed adoringly at each other and exchanged spectacularly banal and groan-inducing dialogue.
[E: And so the lion fell in love with the lamb.
B: Stupid lamb.
E: Sick, masochistic lion.]
Sadly, we are greeted with a visual of dead land, all the flowers dead or mowed down, I’m not sure which. Bella falls dramatically to her knees to paw at some grass in her despair. Then Laurent turns up! Yay drama!
L: Do the Cullens visit often?
Holographic!Edward: Lie.
B: Yeah, all the time.
Holographic!Edward: Lie better.
*gigglefit* I love this movie. It keeps defying expectations and rising to new heights of hilarity and win.
‘k, the part where Laurent’s making his death threat. I’m not sure if Kristen’s just really lousy at doing intense emotions like anguish and fear or if she deliberately downplayed it to portray Bella as stoic and resolute in the face of danger. Because there is a distinct lack of emotion as she prepares to die. It’s almost like she knows there’s a pack of werewolves lurking in the bushes, preparing to bound to the rescue!
So once again, she cheats certain death. And once again, she receives an illicit late-night male visitor in her bedroom. Oh, what sleazy minds would make of this- particularly as he’s half dressed. I kinda love that Bella takes these random opportunities to just stroke him and admire how sculpted his body is, lol. I’m not into pedophilia, but I can appreciate the eye candy.
Jacob has taken over Edward’s role of neurotic dude with bizarre mood-swings. He’s heartfelt and remorseful, disdainful and secretive, pleading with her to remember, to put the pieces of the puzzle together…honestly, if she can figure out Edward’s a vampire just from google, how hard is it to realize what Jacob’s on about when she already knows the legend?!
One more quote from cleolinda, because it made me shriek out loud with laughter:
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Chapter 11: He's a WEREWOLF, BELLA. Do we need to get Snape in here to get it through your head?
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I just watched Prisoner of Azkaban, lingering on all the Snape scenes, so this is amazingly well-timed. ‘Page three hundred and ninety-four!’ He kept drumming that into people’s heads, and then assigning them an essay all to do with identifying werewolves…hee, that makes the reference above just so super damn awesome.
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I have to say, the werewolves do a crappy job of keeping their secret. I mean, the Cullens have managed it for decades [except for Bella but she’s a special snowflake so that doesn’t count] but one little girl slaps a big brawny dude with rippling biceps who could snap her like a twig with his pinkie and he feels compelled to transform to take her down in wolf form? Really?
Bella is so much more witty and feisty in the movie! I know I’m flogging a dead horse by this point, but the woman goes, ‘So, you’re the vampire girl’ and Bella does a double-take, then wryly states, ‘So…you’re the wolf girl.’ Nicely done. So much more amusing and less cringeworthy than:
She complained lightly about the increase in the boys' appetites from all their extra running, but it was easy to see she didn't mind taking care of them. It wasn't hard to be with her--after all, we were both wolf girls now.
Again, I sure want my theoretical daughter to define herself by what kind of man she's with.
Wolf boy #1: Alpha’s orders get obeyed whether we want to or not. Oh and check it out, we can hear each other’s thoughts.
Wolf boy #2: Would you shut up? These are trade secrets! Damn it! This chick runs with vampires.
Bella: You can’t really run with vampires. ‘coz they’re fast.
Oh, Kristen, great delivery. It’s so lame and self-deprecating because she knows it’s lame but can’t help cracking that joke anyway. I find it much more satisfying to laugh with this movie than at it. It’s freaking me out a little…
Btw? I’m also disturbed by the whole domestic violence thing- that casual acceptance that a werewolf is easily provoked and could maul the face off a loved one and it’s nothing to be concerned about because she cares about him, so no big. Just don’t stare at her scars because HE GETS UPSET. Seriously? *gags* Smeyer, there are no words for your fail. I’m disgusted, just so you know.
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I love the music in this movie.
I also love Victoria. For shallow reasons, I admit, I can’t claim to liking her for her personality since I’ve barely heard her deliver two lines of dialogue.
I just think she’s pretty, and she’s so graceful! The way she evades the wolves and moves through the forest, it’s poetry in motion. GUH. I could watch her on the run for ages… Plus she wants to kill Bella. Just ‘coz I’m less of a hater and more of a fan doesn’t mean I automatically dislike anyone out for her blood, y’know. I’m in the habit of cheering them on, it’s too ingrained by now!
The hunt for Victoria fortuitously leads Jacob to be on hand to pull Bella’s ass out of the sea when her crazy need for an adrenaline rush nearly turns fatal as the waves threaten to dash her brains out against the rocks. [‘Next time we’ll hire professional waves’] Would’ve served her right to end up paralyzed from the waist down, but of course she survives perfectly intact, with nary a sniffle to hint at her ordeal.
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Ooh, Alice! I love her so much, she totally deserves to be the star of her own movie! *squishes*
A: Why the hell were you trying to kill yourself?! What about Charlie, what about-
B: I didn’t try to kill myself. I was cliff-jumping. Recreationally. It was- fun.
*g* Another example of how the movie is more awesome than the book. Bella sounds perfectly aware of how crazy she sounds and how dubious her judgment was and trails off guiltily. Kristen does such a good job of redeeming her.
A: I have never met anyone more prone to life-threatening idiocy!
*dies laughing* Marry me, Alice! I don’t deserve your awesome but I could so use you in my life!
A: Bella, what is that godawful wet-dog smell?
J: I had to make sure you were safe.
A: Well, I’m not going to hurt her.
J: No, you’re just a harmless Cullen. I’m talking about the other blood-sucker that’s trying to kill her because of you.
A: Victoria? I didn’t see her. I didn’t see you get pulled out of the water either…*turns on Jacob* I can’t see past you and your pack of mutts!
ZING! :D
B: You’re not going anywhere- you’re going to come back?
A: As soon as you put the dog out.
LMAO! She is so hilarious with her prim and proper tones and her snide put-downs. Dear god, she is amazing! Why can’t everyone be this awesome?
Oh, Jacob. You stupid blind boy. I get him being an ass and hanging up on Edward because he can’t stand the competition. But to order Bella to stay behind? To plead with her to let Edward go and kill himself? Not his finest moment. He never really had a chance with her, but that clinched it. Forcing her to choose between the two of them is a fool’s gambit, because ‘it’ll be him’. *shakes head sadly* I hate hate HATE when people issue ultimatums, it never ever ends well. Why is it so hard for people to frakking compromise?! For that matter, why is it so hard to treat the people they love with kindness and compassion? If he truly loved her, he would do what was best for her even if it hurt him. Otherwise, it’s just selfish and childish and really low of him.
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I never really understood why Alice couldn’t go talk him down. She’s all ‘Bella, you’re the only one he can’t see coming. If I go, he’ll read my thoughts and think I’m lying…’ Well, if she goes ‘hey, Edward, Bella’s alive, why don’t you hold off on the suicide mission?’ wouldn’t he feel the slightest inclination to put it off til another day? The Volturi would be perfectly happy to execute him on any occasion he demonstrates a stunningly stupid lack of self-preservation. It seems a paper-thin excuse to put the burden on Bella’s shoulders just to amp the tension.
How does he not see her coming?! Honestly, don’t vampires get super!senses? Like enhanced vision and hearing and most of all, SCENT? Gah! But all ends well, she tackles him before the crowd can catch a glimpse of his unsightly chest, thank god. I don’t know why RPattz is such a sex symbol, his naked torso is a ghastly sight. He’s all corpse-like and icky and- *shudders*
I hate the kissing scenes. It never seems realistic. If they are a couple, they sure do a good job of hiding it, the kisses are awkward and almost unpracticed. It’s embarrassing. But at least we get some music in the background, because it was really cringe-worthy earlier when I had to endure the supposed romance of the moment without any music to distract me.
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I’m so disappointed the Volturi played such a teensy part in this movie. I wanted way more of the Dakota!awesome. I really liked Jane, more for the way Dakota played her than anything because we barely got to see her. *pouts*
Her power is kickass, though. *evil smirk* I just adore the cold, composed characters that are all about internal rather than external acting, it’s more about what they let slip in moments when their control wavers- like when she’s all ‘this may hurt just a little’ but her power fails to affect Bella and she gets this cute wrinkle of consternation on her face- rather than ‘heart on the sleeve’ types where every thought is telegraphed plain and clear. *yawns*
Oh, god, Alice’s vision is so laaaaame. Edward and Bella look really dreadful and cheesy and not all that attractive, ack. But maybe I’m biased because this leads to the most godawful so-called cliffhanger of all time:
And one more time!
SHE WANTS TO BE A VAMPIRE BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? IT'S NOT HIGH ON HER LIST OF PRIORITIES? SHE'S TOTALLY COOL WITH BEING A VAMPIRE FOREVER BUT SHE DOESN'T WANT TO GET MARRIED? "I'm only eighteen" BUT SHE WANTS TO DIE? I DON'T--WHAT--AUGH?
I am so stunned by Bella's bizarro double standards that I don't even have time to deal with the shitty way she treats her father. *head desk desk desk*
"If you stay, I don't need heaven." The fundies get upset about Harry Potter but not THIS?
Also, also, from the third book sporking, because it sums up how ridiculous this contrived, fake-ass drama is:
Oh Lord, Bella's decided that she wants to lose her virginity before she becomes a vampire. But he won't do that if they're not married! But she won't marry him if he won't let her become a vampire! But she won't let him make her a vampire unless he takes her cherry first! Dude, it's like that riddle about the fox and the goose and the bag of wheat trying to cross the river on a boat made for two.
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