(no subject)
i'm seriously hating my appartment right now.
and i'm just totally freaking myself out in general.
i feel like i am not going to get anthing done here. so i'm thinking i wanna go back home. but i dont at the same time. because all i REALLY want is to go back in time 10 years, and thats not going to happen. all i've got there is bad memories now. and no friends. i am paranoid of bumping into people i used to know there. but i honestly feel like i am never goingt o get anything done here.
all i do is the same bullshit with my friends all the time. its useless.
i am not getting anywhere and nothing is changing.
plus i am misrable here in this heat and humidity. i cant even snowboard here. i am totally out of shape and i am locked here in my shitty fucking box with the fan on me.
and there's fucking mice in here. i have already gotten rid of 3 and i know there is another one.
and i dunno fucking how but theres a shitload of flies in here now too. theres so many stupid holes in this place who knows where the fuck they are coming from.
this place is not worth what i am paying for it and i am getting pissed off.
i am so sick of this place and this city and doing the same old shit all the fucking time.
but i feel like if i went back home that i have failed.
i have tryed to do things myself but i couldnt. i have failed.
i feel like a loser. like i tryed to get out of my shit town and here i am probably going back.
i can picture myself going to the comunity college there, but then again i REALLY dont want to see anyone i went to school with.
i dont want to face people there anf feel like i have failed on my own so now i am coming back.
uggg
but really whos to say i have failed. (well of course i am, we are our own worst critics) it was a break. and i hate this. i really feel like i need to get help.
i am so fucking confused
i want help, i dont want help, i wanna go back home, i dunno if i wanna go back home. i'm bored, but i wanna go out. this is no fucking way to live.
its not like i cant come back.
and i'm just totally freaking myself out in general.
i feel like i am not going to get anthing done here. so i'm thinking i wanna go back home. but i dont at the same time. because all i REALLY want is to go back in time 10 years, and thats not going to happen. all i've got there is bad memories now. and no friends. i am paranoid of bumping into people i used to know there. but i honestly feel like i am never goingt o get anything done here.
all i do is the same bullshit with my friends all the time. its useless.
i am not getting anywhere and nothing is changing.
plus i am misrable here in this heat and humidity. i cant even snowboard here. i am totally out of shape and i am locked here in my shitty fucking box with the fan on me.
and there's fucking mice in here. i have already gotten rid of 3 and i know there is another one.
and i dunno fucking how but theres a shitload of flies in here now too. theres so many stupid holes in this place who knows where the fuck they are coming from.
this place is not worth what i am paying for it and i am getting pissed off.
i am so sick of this place and this city and doing the same old shit all the fucking time.
but i feel like if i went back home that i have failed.
i have tryed to do things myself but i couldnt. i have failed.
i feel like a loser. like i tryed to get out of my shit town and here i am probably going back.
i can picture myself going to the comunity college there, but then again i REALLY dont want to see anyone i went to school with.
i dont want to face people there anf feel like i have failed on my own so now i am coming back.
uggg
but really whos to say i have failed. (well of course i am, we are our own worst critics) it was a break. and i hate this. i really feel like i need to get help.
i am so fucking confused
i want help, i dont want help, i wanna go back home, i dunno if i wanna go back home. i'm bored, but i wanna go out. this is no fucking way to live.
its not like i cant come back.